Lost any kind of love of life

[lg123]

I’ve suffered from anxiety for a few years on and off and a kind of depression. The anxiety has got a lot better, but what I would describe as the symptoms of my depression haven’t really. I don’t look forward to meeting up with friends and I would rather spend time at home by myself. I’m normally really busy with meeting up with people and I make plans but when I get to the time of meeting, it just seems like an effort and I don’t want to go anymore. I always keep my plans and sometimes I have a good time, but often I just want to go home again and be by myself. For example, I feel like I should make plans for the weekend, yet I don’t really want to. But then when I’m on my own, I’m not necessarily happy. I live alone so it can get isolated.


I have hobbies, some of which I do still enjoy - yoga and pilates, running, writing group - but I seem to have a lot of interest in life, which has been going on for a while. I’m completely lost. I enjoy bits of work, but I feel like I’m just drifting along in life. I don’t have a partner, I don’t have much money, and I don’t have a job I love. I feel a bit like a failure. I am seeing a great therapist who has been helping (or trying to) and I realise that you might say I’m just seeing the negative side of life and should be grateful for what I have. But I want all of those things - the relationship, the job, the friends I love seeing again, and a comfortable financial situation - but it feels like lying to myself when I try to convince myself I’m happy with what I have at the moment. I don’t know what I want to do with my life - believe me I’ve been trying so hard to find out - and this is bringing me down further. I guess I feel like my life has been and is a failure. I try so hard at work, I put in a lot of effort and I always try to make what I think will be exciting plans. But I’m struggling a lot. I just want to find some kind of love for life again and I’ve no idea what to do to find that. I feel a strong sense of “should be” doing as well. For example, after a really busy time away at the weekend, I’ve just been having relaxing evenings in at home but I feel like I should be out and about doing stuff or making stuff or doing something useful.


I repeat the same cycles over and over again. I think I’m making some kind of progress and then I fall back into the same old patterns again - men, work, money, and friendships. I feel so down because of all of this and really unfulfilled.

[ana]

I feel like you, I can relate to what you're saying. Seeing as going out is so difficult for me (I'm agoraphobic) and seeing as all the places I go to are full of bad memories of panic and anxiety, I have just lost the will to go out and socialise. Lately, I've been feeling the best when on my own, and I find that this happens when I'm feeling down, after a particularly bad spell of anxiety or a traumatic event. Sometimes you just need a 'time out' from life, and that's ok, in my opinion.

Nobody feels full of life all the time, but saying that, I think that you'll find this enthusiasm returns once you've had something nice or unexpected happen to you. :) It's perfectly normal to want more from life; in fact, I think it's bad not to.

I also feel like I make 2 steps forward and then go 200 steps back, and my life feels repetitive, too, but then again, I think a lot of people would say the same, even the ones who don't suffer with anxiety.

[SLA]

I don’t know what I want to do with my life

Well, I think deep down you do… because you say…


I want all of those things - the relationship, the job, the friends I love seeing again, and a comfortable financial situation

You know what you want, you just have no idea how to get it.

You say your anxiety has gotten better, but have you just shut yourself off from the things that were causing you to be anxious?

Anxiety can cause us to put up walls, and to shrink our comfort zone. This will then make us feel isolated and limited, and like we aren’t actually “fulfilled.

Once you realise this, you begin to realise that sometimes you do need to face your anxiety and embrace it. Last Friday I was invited to a comedy gig and I was anxious about going since I get claustrophobic if I have to sit in an aisle. And I was thinking of ways to get out of it, or to do something else. But I faced my anxiety, and within a few minutes of sitting down, it went, and I had a fantastic time. Next time I go, there probably won’t be any anxiety at all now…

Tony Robbins says that “progress = happiness”.

So start make tiny small steps towards your goals. The relationship, the job, the friends.

Start chipping away, and start making progress. You know what you want, you’ve just lost sight of the possibility of achieving it.