lg123
16-11-16, 10:32
I’ve suffered from anxiety for a few years on and off and a kind of depression. The anxiety has got a lot better, but what I would describe as the symptoms of my depression haven’t really. I don’t look forward to meeting up with friends and I would rather spend time at home by myself. I’m normally really busy with meeting up with people and I make plans but when I get to the time of meeting, it just seems like an effort and I don’t want to go anymore. I always keep my plans and sometimes I have a good time, but often I just want to go home again and be by myself. For example, I feel like I should make plans for the weekend, yet I don’t really want to. But then when I’m on my own, I’m not necessarily happy. I live alone so it can get isolated.
I have hobbies, some of which I do still enjoy - yoga and pilates, running, writing group - but I seem to have a lot of interest in life, which has been going on for a while. I’m completely lost. I enjoy bits of work, but I feel like I’m just drifting along in life. I don’t have a partner, I don’t have much money, and I don’t have a job I love. I feel a bit like a failure. I am seeing a great therapist who has been helping (or trying to) and I realise that you might say I’m just seeing the negative side of life and should be grateful for what I have. But I want all of those things - the relationship, the job, the friends I love seeing again, and a comfortable financial situation - but it feels like lying to myself when I try to convince myself I’m happy with what I have at the moment. I don’t know what I want to do with my life - believe me I’ve been trying so hard to find out - and this is bringing me down further. I guess I feel like my life has been and is a failure. I try so hard at work, I put in a lot of effort and I always try to make what I think will be exciting plans. But I’m struggling a lot. I just want to find some kind of love for life again and I’ve no idea what to do to find that. I feel a strong sense of “should be” doing as well. For example, after a really busy time away at the weekend, I’ve just been having relaxing evenings in at home but I feel like I should be out and about doing stuff or making stuff or doing something useful.
I repeat the same cycles over and over again. I think I’m making some kind of progress and then I fall back into the same old patterns again - men, work, money, and friendships. I feel so down because of all of this and really unfulfilled.
I have hobbies, some of which I do still enjoy - yoga and pilates, running, writing group - but I seem to have a lot of interest in life, which has been going on for a while. I’m completely lost. I enjoy bits of work, but I feel like I’m just drifting along in life. I don’t have a partner, I don’t have much money, and I don’t have a job I love. I feel a bit like a failure. I am seeing a great therapist who has been helping (or trying to) and I realise that you might say I’m just seeing the negative side of life and should be grateful for what I have. But I want all of those things - the relationship, the job, the friends I love seeing again, and a comfortable financial situation - but it feels like lying to myself when I try to convince myself I’m happy with what I have at the moment. I don’t know what I want to do with my life - believe me I’ve been trying so hard to find out - and this is bringing me down further. I guess I feel like my life has been and is a failure. I try so hard at work, I put in a lot of effort and I always try to make what I think will be exciting plans. But I’m struggling a lot. I just want to find some kind of love for life again and I’ve no idea what to do to find that. I feel a strong sense of “should be” doing as well. For example, after a really busy time away at the weekend, I’ve just been having relaxing evenings in at home but I feel like I should be out and about doing stuff or making stuff or doing something useful.
I repeat the same cycles over and over again. I think I’m making some kind of progress and then I fall back into the same old patterns again - men, work, money, and friendships. I feel so down because of all of this and really unfulfilled.