When is it ok to give up the fight?

[Ellen70]

It is 21 years this year since I had my first panic attack and about 15 years since I started suffering from major depression.
I have overcome housebound agoraphobia and have gotten back up after being floored by depression dozens and dozens of times.
My point is that I am now no better in terms of depression than I was in my early twenties (36 now) and this last eighteen months have been hell. No let up from the depression at all.

My point is that I have been trying to overcome my anxiety/depression/gad for more than half of my life and there is no finishing line in sight.

I have reached the point where I don't have the physical, emotional or psychological energy to keep on fighting. I am utterly exhausted. My family and social workers and other medical professionals put pressure on me to 'get better' but I think 20 odd years of picking myself up, trying again and being floored again is a good long time to have kept on fighting.

Over the last six months or so it has occurred to me that maybe I have given it my best shot and it is time to be realistic and just let the depression etc win. Maybe it is ok to give into my feelings and stay in bed all day with the blackout blinds shut and earplugs in my ears to shut out the world. I hate the world, it terrifies me and I don't want anything to do with it as far as possible.

Twenty years is a long time to be challenging my problems and I don't think I am a failure if I say now 'enough is enough' and throw in the towel for good.

I am not looking for sympathy or anything like that, I am just saying that when a person has had mental health problems for most of their life, is it really a crime to give in when you have put in a long and very tough fight?

I would like to hear what others feel on this subject.

Regards,
Eibhlin :emot-bulb:

[tnt808]

I don't know if it's ever okay to give up the fight. Although, I have definitely felt like it, and honestly don't know if I can continue a lot of the time.
I just get tired of making myself vulnerable to these doctors/therapists/psychiatrists only to be pushed aside, or not dealt with properly.

I would love to wake up tomorrow and not be consumed by anxiety...fat chance huh?! :)

[Ellen70]

Hi tnt and lolly, thanks for posting.

I think I phrased it incorrectly when I said 'when is it ok to give up the fight?' as obviously this is a personal decision for each person and no one answer covers everybody.

Tnt, I know what you mean about mental health professionals, and I find that when you have been depressed/other for many years that they are a lot less interested in you because they know you have had all the meds, therapy etc and have not responded to them.

Lolly, I know we are programmed from an early age to believe that life is precious. And I am sure that the parents of a sick child for example would say the life is indeed precious and that is totally understandable.

But is life 'precious' in the greater sense? Taking into consideration how long humanity as been on this earth (and that is a personal opinion for each person), each of our lives is but a fleeting moment in time. Someone dies and their family and friends are devasted but the rest of the world doesn't even know that person has died and the sun continues to rise and set like nothing has happened. When I die and when everyone that has known me dies, it will be like I never existed and that is the same for everyone too.

So life is precious if you believe it to be so, but the truth for me is that I don't believe life is precious at all.

So my question to everyone is 'Why do you believe your life is precious?'

Eibhlin

PS Thanks for the hug and yes, I have tried everything from meds to alternative therapies to psychotherapy to anything else you can name.

[eastender]

I always try to think you never know what the future is going to bring. Something wonderful might just be round the corner, no body knows for sure. In the meantime, well, I think we just have to try to make the best of things! lol easier said then done I know! But the alternative is worse surely, even it it does sometimes seem it can't get any worse then it alreday is.

[kate]

I have been where you are sooo many times. I was 19 when I had my first PA and I'm now 44. Have also had many bouts of depression over the years, like yourself.

I never, ever thought that things would ever get any better for me either. I'd had CBT, meds, hypnotherapy, nothing worked. Last year I picked up a leaflet from the library for a voluntary counselling group that do free counselling, in your own home. Each session lasts 50 mins. I thought I'd give it a go, nothing to lose afterall!

I was sceptical, never for a minute thought things would improve even marginally. A few months went by and I saw no change in things, thought I was wasting my time and the time of the counsellor. BUT, after about 9 months or so, I suddenly found that small changes were occurring. I wasn't feeling as anxious about things and I wasn't as low. I have carried on improving, I would say my anxiety is now at a more manageable level, and I haven't had a bout of depression for about 4 months now.

I have even been for a job interview and got the job, something that 12 months ago I never ever imagined would happen.

I'm certainly not "cured" but it is about getting things on a more even keel, being able to function and have some kind of a life rather than an existance.

There are some things that I'm sure I will never do, but I'm not worrying about these things. I'm living each day as it comes and yes I still panic and yes I am still anxious but I can cope with this.

Please, never give up hope. You really never know what might be around the next corner.

Kate

[Paddington]

Hi there:hugs: You say once you die and all those who know you die too,it will be as tho you never existed,i dont agree:) We all leave our stamp on this world and on mankind in one way or another...say you planted a flower,a bird eats the seeds ,the flower gets planted by the birds droppings elswhere..the bees pollinate the flowers ,you my friend have planted a garden somewhere without knowing it..and then it is self perpetuating you see:flowers: You think ,what is the point of life ,well THIS is the point,this conversation,all the folk who read this thread being helped by you!Knowing they are not alone!:flowers: You have a huge purpose to your life hun,dont see it as a fight .Your mind is an intrinsic part of who you are,you have no need to apologise for it or be beaten by it ,not really.I try and accept myself warts and all..so it becomes less a fight more a today is better than yesterday and i will have a day better than this...today is good for talking with you..so that is why i think every life is precious,we all have an impact upon each other and the world in some way,no matter how small.:flowers: Love Paddie

[honeybee]

Hi tnt and lolly, thanks for posting.

I think I phrased it incorrectly when I said 'when is it ok to give up the fight?' as obviously this is a personal decision for each person and no one answer covers everybody.

Tnt, I know what you mean about mental health professionals, and I find that when you have been depressed/other for many years that they are a lot less interested in you because they know you have had all the meds, therapy etc and have not responded to them.

Lolly, I know we are programmed from an early age to believe that life is precious. And I am sure that the parents of a sick child for example would say the life is indeed precious and that is totally understandable.

But is life 'precious' in the greater sense? Taking into consideration how long humanity as been on this earth (and that is a personal opinion for each person), each of our lives is but a fleeting moment in time. Someone dies and their family and friends are devasted but the rest of the world doesn't even know that person has died and the sun continues to rise and set like nothing has happened. When I die and when everyone that has known me dies, it will be like I never existed and that is the same for everyone too.

So life is precious if you believe it to be so, but the truth for me is that I don't believe life is precious at all.

So my question to everyone is 'Why do you believe your life is precious?'

Eibhlin

PS Thanks for the hug and yes, I have tried everything from meds to alternative therapies to psychotherapy to anything else you can name.



my little brother and sister's dad ended his life after battling depression for a long time, he fought and fought, he even tried to get himself sectioned because he could feel himself getting suicidal only to be told "there aren't enough beds"... he died the day after boxing day... he thought life wasn't precious... his children thought he was precious... and now they'll grow up probably forgeting what he even looks like... i'm not saying its not hard and i feel like you sometimes, just giving in to it all but surely there are people out there who love you dearly... never give up :hugs:

[Sheik N Shimmy]

So my question to everyone is 'Why do you believe your life is precious?'
.

Hello Eibhlin,

I don't know if you are a parent or not but you may well be a sister/aunt and you aree definitely a daughter. You wouldn't want to devastate those around you would you?

In my opinion every day is precious. Even if I don't always feel on top of the world I always try to do something to cheer myself up at some stage in the day/evening. Interacting with my kids is one thing that cheers me up. Or just looking at Podge & Rodge........

Take care of yourself Eibhlin

[happyone]

Hi,
I am 35, and like you have battled depression for a big part of my adult life, and part of childhood too. I however, didn't admit it other than post natally and after my dads death as I saw them as acceptable times to be depressed.
6 months ago I decided that I had to accept what the doctors were telling me, I was depressed. Even then I didn't admit it fully, I said I had depression cause d by anxiety, when in reality it was the other way round.
Just like you, I would take to my bed, I have blackout blinds too, and I too wore earplugs! I wanted it to consume me. I hit rock bottom in January of this year and while it is just such a short time away, it seems like an eternity. Yes I considered and took action to 'end the fight' an attempt I am glad to say failed.
The point I am trying to make is, I am still here. I don't feel like I am fighting as much and I actually feel like I am living and not just surviving. Not just living, but living and enjoying it too! Yes, I still have a bit of a battle at times, but the battle seems less fierce than it once did.
Don't give up the fight hunny, you never know what is round the corner. I told my psychiatrist not so very long ago that I believed it would never end. He assured me it would. And I think he might be right.
Love yourself, believe in yourself.

Happyone
xx

[Keep going]

I think i'll give up the fight when i'm 30. Don't seem the need to go on any longer. no job, no partner, no life. no point in prolonging the agony.

stu

"life might be precious, but you ain't living in mine"

[Paddington]

Stu,why 30?You are the same age as my daughter ..if she took her own life mine too would end:weep: you are precious to someone ,we all are hun:flowers: Dont give up Stu...you are soyoung and there are so many good times ahead for you,tho you cant see it right now hun.Hang on in there :flowers: please.Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[W.I.F.T.S.]

A story sticks in my head of a Liverpool football fan who committed suicide at half time, when his team were 3-0 in the Champions' League Final. What do you know? They came back to win it! As one previous poster so rightly said, "you never know what's around the corner in life". Another great quote is from the movie 24 Hour Party People "life is like a wheel: the bad times, just like the good, are forever getting away from us".

Think of any achievement that anyone has ever done, every time it is all the sweeter for having come through adversity to get there. No 'great' in any field has ever had an easy ride. We need the contrast of shade and light to appreciate what we have.

As far as 'fighting it' goes: take a leaf out of Claire Weekes' book and stop fighting (as that causes all the adrenaline and associated symptoms) and just accept. I know that it's much easier said than done and I'm no master of it myself, but the sentiment is so true.

Take it easy.