Needhelpnow
05-04-07, 06:13
I'm new here so be nice.
I am probably sure the reasons I am are about to tell you are probably pathetic in nature and I will be flammed for it but please try to see it through my P.O.V.
I am young, very young. I won't speak my age just in case but I'm in the adolescent age.
I know I am probably too young for this but please hear me out. My entire life I have always felt like I was a let down to my family. That I was a let down to myself. On top of that, I was always made fun of at every school I've been to since I moved this new area. I was a social outcast, a loser, a geek.
I knew far too much for my age and thought that this what most people go through, so I thought "no big deal, right?" WRONG!! It always felt like I was made fun of more than others. I was never really sociable and this did nothing other than to make things worse.
Now in a new grade, New school and everything(well actually second year) I feel sooo lonely and uncared for. During my first year, things were going pretty smoothly for a while untill I met this guy and this girl that would unknowingly change my entire outlook on life. In a negative way, that is. The guy (I won't speak his name, so I'll call him Sam) I met sometime during the middle of the year when I was switching classes. We met and shared a love for technology. So we became good friends and coincidentally I switched into some of his classes. I wondered why all my classes were not switched to his because I thought I was at the top of my game.
I found out he was in Algebra while I was in standard math. I became envious of his higher level but I never mentioned it to him so I wasn't too bothered. Meeting him also led me to one of the worst experinces in my life equivilent to that of my grandfather who died of a heart attack right in front of me(also had implications on me) When I met her(reffered to as Samantha) We got a long just fine. We had so many things in common that it was scary. She told her friends she liked me which they told me. It was hard to believe because she had a much higher social status than I did but I thought I would give it a shot. Things were going ok except that after I found out about her liking me, I became nervous, timid, sweating profusely every time I saw her, scared to talk to her as well. Then came the one day I said the stupidest thing I could ever say in my life.
In class, when we were sitting next to each other, she would constantly ignore me, and casual talk wouldn't keep her attention toward me for I was boring. So I thought an insult might get her attention. So because she was in-practice goth, I said she was a bisexual by the way she acted.(I know I am a total dumb@$$ for saying that)
At that moment, I knew something bad was about to happen. After one year she still hasn't forgiven me and I hate myself for it. I hate all my imperfections and blame myself for how people treat me. I have had extreme thoughts of suicide but try my best to hold on, but I am slowly losing my grip. I need some one to catch me before I fall and I am hoping you guys can help me right now.I have more reasons for suicide but it is to much to go into detail now since I have already written too much. I know these are not a lot of reasons, and not very good ones compared to other people's experiences, but PLEASE lend a hand and help a broken hearted soul get back up on his feet.
I am probably sure the reasons I am are about to tell you are probably pathetic in nature and I will be flammed for it but please try to see it through my P.O.V.
I am young, very young. I won't speak my age just in case but I'm in the adolescent age.
I know I am probably too young for this but please hear me out. My entire life I have always felt like I was a let down to my family. That I was a let down to myself. On top of that, I was always made fun of at every school I've been to since I moved this new area. I was a social outcast, a loser, a geek.
I knew far too much for my age and thought that this what most people go through, so I thought "no big deal, right?" WRONG!! It always felt like I was made fun of more than others. I was never really sociable and this did nothing other than to make things worse.
Now in a new grade, New school and everything(well actually second year) I feel sooo lonely and uncared for. During my first year, things were going pretty smoothly for a while untill I met this guy and this girl that would unknowingly change my entire outlook on life. In a negative way, that is. The guy (I won't speak his name, so I'll call him Sam) I met sometime during the middle of the year when I was switching classes. We met and shared a love for technology. So we became good friends and coincidentally I switched into some of his classes. I wondered why all my classes were not switched to his because I thought I was at the top of my game.
I found out he was in Algebra while I was in standard math. I became envious of his higher level but I never mentioned it to him so I wasn't too bothered. Meeting him also led me to one of the worst experinces in my life equivilent to that of my grandfather who died of a heart attack right in front of me(also had implications on me) When I met her(reffered to as Samantha) We got a long just fine. We had so many things in common that it was scary. She told her friends she liked me which they told me. It was hard to believe because she had a much higher social status than I did but I thought I would give it a shot. Things were going ok except that after I found out about her liking me, I became nervous, timid, sweating profusely every time I saw her, scared to talk to her as well. Then came the one day I said the stupidest thing I could ever say in my life.
In class, when we were sitting next to each other, she would constantly ignore me, and casual talk wouldn't keep her attention toward me for I was boring. So I thought an insult might get her attention. So because she was in-practice goth, I said she was a bisexual by the way she acted.(I know I am a total dumb@$$ for saying that)
At that moment, I knew something bad was about to happen. After one year she still hasn't forgiven me and I hate myself for it. I hate all my imperfections and blame myself for how people treat me. I have had extreme thoughts of suicide but try my best to hold on, but I am slowly losing my grip. I need some one to catch me before I fall and I am hoping you guys can help me right now.I have more reasons for suicide but it is to much to go into detail now since I have already written too much. I know these are not a lot of reasons, and not very good ones compared to other people's experiences, but PLEASE lend a hand and help a broken hearted soul get back up on his feet.