Feel pathetic and like a failure

[GirlAfraid23]

I feel like a ridiculous person.

Every time I get a job, I ruin it. I've been in a job for coming up to three months now. I'm off sick at the moment as I've not been well, but it hasn't been as bad as I've made it out to be. I am ill and went home from work on Wednesday as I felt crap. Then Thursday came around and I couldn't face going in even though I felt a bit better.
Now it's Friday and I called in again (well text) and I can't face it. I love being at home, doing what I want when I want and not seeing anyone or needing to put a front on, it's so draining for me.

This is common theme in all the jobs I've had...I always have the highest sickness record of any member of staff and have been called into countless meetings because of triggers over the years. I never disclose my mental health because I'm afraid of how it will look and go against me getting the job in the first place. This is probably partly to do with my parents and how they've installed in me from an early age that you have to keep these things hidden.
I barely slept last night so I feel bad today, I feel guilty and pathetic all in one go but I can't seem to do the right thing and just go into work. I always have the best intentions :weep: maybe I'll never be able to hold down a long term job, I've always thought this deep down, but I don't see another alternative.

[SLA]

When I have days where I cannot face things, it's usually because there is something playing on my mind, deep-down, that I need to resolve. It's not always immediately apparent.

Anything in your life that you really need to face and deal with?

[randomforeigner]

Maybe you ought to text your boss and tell exactly how it is, so they don't jump to the wrong conclusions. If you have a track record of very short jobs, it might be better for you to disclose your difficulties to your current manager. They'll see something is wrong anyway, from your sickness records, but if you let them in on how you feel they'll probably be more understanding and can offer relevant support too. (Otherwise they'll just be angry about it.) That's my view anyway, being an outsider. In truth, everybody (or most) probably like best being at home, doing what they want when they want. Maybe you should decide to hold down a long-term job, you decide that this time you will make it, because frequent job-hopping might not work for you in the future when you're older.

[Noivous]

Well what about (and this is a really radical idea now) getting married and being a stay at home mom?

[GirlAfraid23]

Maybe you ought to text your boss and tell exactly how it is, so they don't jump to the wrong conclusions. If you have a track record of very short jobs, it might be better for you to disclose your difficulties to your current manager. They'll see something is wrong anyway, from your sickness records, but if you let them in on how you feel they'll probably be more understanding and can offer relevant support too. (Otherwise they'll just be angry about it.) That's my view anyway, being an outsider. In truth, everybody (or most) probably like best being at home, doing what they want when they want. Maybe you should decide to hold down a long-term job, you decide that this time you will make it, because frequent job-hopping might not work for you in the future when you're older.

This is really unlikely to happen. They've not shown themselves to be very understanding. At this present time I think they believe I am unwell. But I just don't want to work anymore, this is the ongoing issue.

---------- Post added at 16:45 ---------- Previous post was at 16:44 ----------


Well what about (and this is a really radical idea now) getting married and being a stay at home mom?

Strange you should say that as it is my plan. We are planning to start trying next year all being well. But I have a feeling I'm infertile as I'm always having gyane problems .

[Cherryade]

I think you have answered your own problem. You say you don't want to work!! Can you afford not to?? A lot of us don't want to work but have to. How are you going to keep yourself if you don't work??? Do you want to live off the state? My advice is to either get a job you enjoy and then going in to work won't be a problem or just grow up, start acting responsibly and go back to work in the job you have. You owe it to the company who employed you, if not to yourself.

[Magic]

I agree with Cherryade . I worked full time before I had my girls. I did not want to go back to work, I had three years off with each child and never claimed anything in that time. Although I had family allowance and my husbands wage, without that I don't know how we would have coped.
I had to go back to work part time because we needed the money.

[GirlAfraid23]

I think you have answered your own problem. You say you don't want to work!! Can you afford not to?? A lot of us don't want to work but have to. How are you going to keep yourself if you don't work??? Do you want to live off the state? My advice is to either get a job you enjoy and then going in to work won't be a problem or just grow up, start acting responsibly and go back to work in the job you have. You owe it to the company who employed you, if not to yourself.

I think this is a nasty comment in my opinion. I don't normally mind 'constructively critical' answers but he me to 'grow up and start acting responsibly' seems a little unfair and rude to me.
This is an anxiety forum and I've suffered with anxiety all my life. Work is one of my biggest problems and I struggle everyday getting up, going into work and pretending everything is fine. Its unlikely I will be able to hold down a full time job long term as it makes my mental health so much worse. I'm sorry if that sounds pathetic but there it is...
It's an ongoing theme in my life and has always been since I started working. Even when at school, I would have poor attendance because of being off sick alot.

---------- Post added at 19:11 ---------- Previous post was at 19:01 ----------


I agree with Cherryade . I worked full time before I had my girls. I did not want to go back to work, I had three years off with each child and never claimed anything in that time. Although I had family allowance and my husbands wage, without that I don't know how we would have coped.
I had to go back to work part time because we needed the money.

My partner and I have spoken about it a lot and he is happy to work and I will stay at home with the child/children for the first few years. I will then go back part time most likely. We will not be claiming anything except child benefit and possibly child tax credit if we are eligible but I'm not sure of the problem if we were?

[KeeKee]

I think there's a difference between not wanting to work because you're lazy or childish and not wanting to work due to the mental anguish it can cause. I may be wrong and am sure no comments were made with ill intent but it would appear the latter applies to the OP.

I also cannot work, I have in the past worked full time when my daughter was a toddler and my partner the stay at home parent. However circumstances have now changed and I can barely function at home let alone at a job. It only takes your mind off things if social interaction and responsibilities aren't an issue, if they are it can exasperate things. I couldn't ensure I got to work on time or even at all as some days I feel so low I could literally scream. I also couldn't interact socially. I couldn't do anything that would cause me to overheat as I have BDD and can't wear t-shirts etc without a jacket on top and I also can't tie my hair up.

Living off the state isn't always a choice. I would love to be able to work, not just for the money but also for the fact it would get me out of this house every day.

[Carrie8484]

Holding down a full time job when you have complex mental health issues is extremely difficult. It's truly exhausting and can make the illness worse for some people.
Others thrive from it and prefer being at work to being at home all day as it distracts them.

I'd much rather not work as I have, to me, a stressful job and I am often in tears from the stress I am under from m my boss on top of my own anxiety.

I don't blame you for wanting to start a family and be a stay at home mum :)

[swgrl09]

It's a really tough choice to make ... I have been doing the math out with my husband and when we have a child, we will both have to work full time still to cover the bills, mortgage, and added expenses of a child. Child care here is ridiculously expensive as well, so it's a catch 22 ... either work and pay for childcare, or don't work and save that money. In the end for us we would still be short if I didn't work. But it is a personal decision and I don't know your husband's financial situation either or how much child care costs in the UK. We don't have family that would help us - my dad works full time still and my in-laws are out of state.

But anyway that's my situation. I only mention it because there is a lot to think about. If you are financially able to be a stay at home mom and want to, then that's great! It's great for your kids too. But if you can't, maybe think about jobs that would be more suited to your anxiety and needs. Would it be possible to find a "work from home" position or something where you are pretty independent from others? Maybe something less draining?

I do wonder sometimes if my job is too draining considering my anxiety... I come home exhausted all the time. Sometimes I think it would be better to find something where I am on my own more. But that's not really an option for me right now.