Worrying terribly about having HIV

[Beartic]

I'm a gay male and just over a month ago, I met with a close friend and we had protected sex (besides oral and neither of us 'finished' during our time together). Very soon after this, I developed a cold and I immediately began worrying I had something wrong, I already knew that HIV had flu-like symptoms and I connected the two which set my worrying off. A week or two ago, I had a mouth ulcer and that set me off worrying as well and in the past 2 days I haven't been able to get it off my mind, I've been looking for a clinic to go to but because I'm extremely nervous to call places like that and can't find one that I would feel comfortable going to. I really want to get tested but I just have no idea which to go (as they're either open when i'm not available or require appointments) or what to do, I usually get my mum to make appointments for me because I'm so anxious so I think I'll try ask the doctor for a test next time I see her. I trusted this friend but he tells me he hasn't been checked and he says that he's only been with clean people but being the worrier I am, I'm scared because I don't know if these people are clean. Writing this now, I'm starting to worry more as I realised he probably doesn't usually have safe sex and only did it with me, and now the 'you sleep with everyone your partner slept with' thing is giving me the shakes. I keep trying to talk to him about it but he's getting mad at my worrying and for not trusting him and I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm looking for by sharing my problem here but I just want all of this to stop, what happens if I have it? my life is going to be over. Sorry if this post is a mess of words but I'm just getting so scared and feel sick from all of this worrying, this is making me never want to even risk having sex again. What do I do? :'(

[Scaredlady]

Hi.

You sound terrified but surely there are numerous reasons why you'd have the symptoms of a cold, I mean it was October and you do live in the UK (according to your profile). In fact I had a sore throat last month and a runny nose but I don't have HIV.

I obviously can't confirm/deny whether or not you have been infected with the HIV virus but "my life is going to be over" is inaccurate and is just your fear talking. HIV treatment has come a very very long way in the last decade alone, it's not the 80's, people aren't dying "just like that", it is manageable and those infected can live long periods.

Nevertheless you are jumping ahead of yourself and potentially worrying about something that you don't have. You need to get some blood taken, you can book an appointment through your GP if you can't get access to a specialised clinic.

Try to think of something else, don't focus on the fear. Get the appointment booked asap.

Good Luck!

[Beartic]

when I go to the doctors next, I'll try pluck up the courage to ask her about it, oh god I can't handle the thought of having it, I know there's very little chance but it's the 'what if', I'm already struggling with other problems, I don't need this to make it worse :'c Another thing that is worrying me is how I can't tell my mum this either, I don't want her to know what i've done

[KaalynJohnson]

The odds of getting HIV from protected sex or oral sex with no ejaculation are astronomically long, even with the worst possible partner (fairly recently infected with high viral loads).

Seeing symptoms like "mouth sores" as a sign of possible HIV isn't something you should be worried about. HIV is almost completely asymptomatic for the first decade or so of infection, aside from that first "flu-like" bout that doesn't even hit some people.

You shouldn't be worried about talking to your doctor. They are obligated to keep your secrets, treat you with dignity and respect. They'll send you off for a quick blood test and you'll get your answer in no time.

But I would bet all my money that you are clean, if all you're basing this on is a flu/cold and one recent protected sex encounter.

[Beartic]

thank you, that does make me feel a little better but I still am thinking about the worst. I just itched my arm and noticed a red patch which is making me thinking about the rash listed on the symptom page, I can't deal with this urgh. I want all of this to be gone, it's really ruining me at the moment

[Fishmanpa]

As everyone is saying, the chances are astronomically low based on what happened so just get tested and be done with it or you can get a test kit in the pharmacy.

Positive thoughts

[KaalynJohnson]

thank you, that does make me feel a little better but I still am thinking about the worst. I just itched my arm and noticed a red patch which is making me thinking about the rash listed on the symptom page, I can't deal with this urgh. I want all of this to be gone, it's really ruining me at the moment

The only way to completely dispel this anxiety is the test. It's painless, quick, you'll be treated with dignity and you'll get an answer in only a couple of days.

In the mean time, understand that even if your partner were infected with high viral load - the biggest risk possible - the chances of infection with a condom are like 1:600 or lower, and that number accounts for condom breakages and defects. Even without a condom, the odds would be slim for one encounter.

Also keep reminding yourself that most people who contract HIV do not develop symptoms for upwards of a decade. To have contracted the disease AND been one of the few to develop multiple symptoms would be insanely rare.

[Beartic]

Thank you for your help everyone, there really is nothing I can do but try my best to get tested, I'll ask my doctor about it when I next go because I'm struggling to find a place to go for it. Ugh, I can't help worrying that these odds will be against me, I'm getting more and more symptoms but I'm hoping and convincing myself they're all due to stress which is probably more likely

[Indiaav]

The What If's are the awful part of anxiety because we all live off our fears on them. Get yourself to the doctor now not "next time" because the longer you leave it the more it is going to play on your mind and your mental health. If you are in the clear then all that worry will be for nothing and you have then suffered for no reason. Get it sorted, one way or the other you have to know and the sooner the better