First psychiatrist appointment, feel terrible

[Maggy May]

I saw a psych for the first time yesterday, I was very anxious but not over the top. He asked loads of questions and over 2 hours said that he thinks I am psychologically traumatised from the bullying I got in school. He said I have a 'list of anxiety disorders and phobias' I asked him to expand but he just kept saying he could make a list, he did agree GAD was an issue for me.

It was a 2 hour session and ever since leaving I have had this horrible feeling of fear and dread, like I told him too much, and how he was writing things down and judging me. I know this is the whole point of going but I just can't shake the horrible feeling, so much so I don't want to go back next week. Yesterday's session was just a diagnosis session so I know I need to go back to start working on getting better but I feel so bad. I'm no psych but I'm very skeptical, I had a rough time at school but i can't see it being the source of all my problems.

Has anyone else had horrible feelings of guilt and judgement after seeing a psych or is it just me being stupid?

[Cherryade]

I don't think you are being stupid. There is the thinking that the more you tell a person about yourself, especially your frailties, the more power they will have over you. But this is a professional person you have been talking to. The more he knows you the better he can help. He will not judge. Go forward to your next appointment with hope and confidence.

[Lucinda07]

Psychiatrists are v broad minded & non-judgemental. You can tell them ANYTHING - they wont be troubled - acceptance & understanding are part of the training.
Bullying leaves an individual with trust issues - you may concerned about what the Dr thinks of you. No need, he has heard it all before & will be confidential.
At this stage he acknowledges that the bullying has had a terrific impact. However, as the weeks go by events from say your childhood/upbringing will surface - the root of your problems will become more apparent. Its like peeling layers from an onion.
They have to write things down - its the professional thing to do. I'd be v concerned if he didn't (it would show lack of interest/commitment)
When I was younger, I would have felt bothered about what I told a counsellor. When you reach middle age you just dont care! PLEASE return for another session - its a golden opportunity to sort things out. Many NMP members long for the opportunity to see a psychiatrist.
Good luck!:)

[randomforeigner]

Maybe you could tell more about your problems, in general terms, I saw something about headaches and celiac disease? Also you mentioned you are quite young so any childhood trauma is pretty close in time, not all that many years ago. Otherwise Lucinda07 has said it all, I think.

[Buster70]

Hi , lots of us have that feeling that I we open up we might get found out for the loonies we are , if we had to put our real names on here I wouldn't have joined , you have made a brave step to getting help so stick with it , I felt better for opening up in cbt and miss that now it's finished , we need to get the things that bother us out of our heads every now and then , go back next time and tell them what you have been feeling it may help and they heard a lot worse , take care .

[Indiaav]

I have had this in the past and it is perfectly normal because you are "opening up" your life and your thoughts to what you regard as a stranger, but this stranger is there to help you and not to harm you. Go with it and try not to be scared of telling him whatever he/she wants to know, they are there as a profession and see many people from all walks of life and it is confidential. I wish you good luck xx :)

[Maggy May]

Thanks for the reply guys, It's comforting to know that it's not abnormal to feel this way.


Maybe you could tell more about your problems, in general terms, I saw something about headaches and celiac disease? Also you mentioned you are quite young so any childhood trauma is pretty close in time, not all that many years ago. Otherwise Lucinda07 has said it all, I think.

I was diagnosed with coeliac disease about 6 years ago, I also suffer with chronic cluster headaches and chronic daily headaches, diagnosed about a year ago and have had the headaches for about 18 months. I have a few other physical conditions.

Here's a bit more about me if you're interested.

At 14 is when I had what the doctors described as a 'breakdown' I went off the rails and put my parents through hell, bunked off school, got into fights (with people who were 'picking on me') got in with a load of older people and just stopped caring when I had always been very thoughtful and was brought up with good morals. I was dragged to the doctors and got put on Citalopram and saw a psychologist but was stupid back then so stopped going as I knew better.

I have had problems looking back since school. I was bullied everyday during secondary school, I left as soon as I could, I did manage to get my GCSE's but I couldn't bare to stay for A-levels even at another school or college so against family wishes I got a job. I cut off the few friends I did have at school and just tried to blank off that period of life. I have always joked that my life started in 2006 which is the year I left. I did try college a few times after a few years but just couldn't deal with it.

I have a lifelong friend that had nothing to do with school who when I was 17 took me aside and gave me a bit of a reality check, told me how he would always stick by me but I had changed and that he hated who I was becoming and that I was always drunk and my other friends were no good for me. It hit home and with his help I cleaned myself up, cut off the 'friends' I had who looking back were not really friends at all and although I was still anxious, I was caring and back to being the kind decent person I was before.

I gave college another bash, but went to a college miles away so I wouldn't run into anyone I knew from before. It was tough for me but I stuck it out and got my A-levels and got accepted into Uni, but I couldn't hack the social aspect of Uni and have never been comfortable in a teaching environment so left and went back to work. Even at work, training weeks in the classroom are a struggle, I do find it difficult if being spoken to like I am back at school, and I do avoid going anywhere near my old school and hate hearing that people I know are sending their kids there but I don't think it's the reason for all of my problems which is what the Psych was getting at.

I have always avoided social situations, I make excuses not to go out, never go out with work mates etc. If I go anywhere I panic if I don't have my car or a way to get home quickly. This has been getting worse and now even if I have my car I fear about it breaking down and stuff so I will not be able to get back to my home which means I don't leave the house on my own anymore.

I struggle at work with the targets and if I cannot please everyone it plays on my mind for weeks. for instance if I am unable to sort something out, and that person is upset or angry, even though I know it's not my fault and there's nothing I can do, I will worry about it and re-play it for weeks.

I just hate feeling that I am being judged and marked, or letting people down. I just tend to avoid these situations and I know I need help and that I have issues but I just hate thinking that someone knows all this stuff that not even my family know. He seemed to take an interest in things that I don't feel affected me at all and I know he is the professional but I don't know I just don't feel comfortable.

I will discuss it with the psych when I go back next week. I don't want to but I know I have to. He kept asking me if I was comfortable and if I needed to stop I could, but at the time I was ok, I was nervous and upset but I didn't feel like I needed to bolt out the door. But as soon as I left and thought about it, I just felt terrible, full of fear and regret and all these feelings I can't quite put my finger on.
Sorry for the huge post :/

[randomforeigner]

I don't particularly like being marked or graded either, or talking in front of the class, as it were then, and then I even had good grades and liked to study. Therefore I can tell it's a great achievement to return and get those A-levels, and even having a go at university (which by the way isn't too late yet, nowadays people go as adults and there are things like Open University etc.) As for the car you could always have some extra money and the number to the taxi company, in case something would happen while you're out, driving. My dad suffered from this car phobia, seems the same that you've mentioned have, but he got over it later on, somehow. Probably through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. You could ask your doctor about this.

[Maggy May]

Thanks, one of my worries is taxi's and public transport, basically I seem to worry about interaction with strangers. I went to the doctors today, I was at my wits end last night but had calmed down by this morning so I didn't find it easy to talk to my doctor. It doesn't help that I see a different doctor each time so they don't really understand.me and how bad it has gotten.

I asked to change the Citalopram, I know I should let the psych deal with the meds but I just want to get better, I asked for fluoxotine but the doc prescribed sertraline 50mg. I see the psych again Friday so will run it past him as have to come down off the Citalopram anyway. I wanted to ask for a benzo just to cope In the interim but didn't feel comfortable and didn't want him to think I was telling him what to do.