C awareness has scared me from endoscopy

[paranoid-viking]

Yes it has. I am deadly and ferociously scared of having enoscopy even thugh my GP says it would be wise so that I could find the roots of the stomach discomfort I am dealing with at the moment. But no, I am to scared. Why? Becasue endoscopy is painful? No, because I am scared of having confirmed what I fear more than anything else in the wordl right now - pancreatic cancer. If I have it I am dead and may just write my will and order a gravesite. And I am scared because of all these horryfying things I have read out on the net - patient stories of symptoms coming and going(although I find some of these tales suspicious)and of people not having detected a tumor on ultrasound but then found it on endoscopy. No, I am to scared. I know it would be nescescary to found out if I actually have stomach ulcer or gastritis; conditions that one definitely live with and do something about; bu no I am to scared. Thansk to the so called "awareness", tabloid media and people on various health board with their "I am not trying to scare you but I am going do to it anyway"-posts.
So then: thank you all you tabloid journos, awareness crusraderes and scareposters on various health boards. Thanks to them I am to scared now.
I know it may be irrational but rather than having a death sentence whic PC most certainly is I rather live with stomach discomfort until it eventually will be to late to live .

[rainbow]

What does your gp think? Has he any concerns that you could have pc?

I understand your fear of having the endoscopy, any medical testing scares me so much. Are you getting any help for your health anxiety?

[paranoid-viking]

What does your gp think? Has he any concerns that you could have pc?

I understand your fear of having the endoscopy, any medical testing scares me so much. Are you getting any help for your health anxiety?

No, but what good does that do me when I have read gazillions of horryfying hooror stories out there of docs who did not believe it was PC and then it turned out to be that anyway:scared11:

Your second question: yes, I have an apointement with a psychologist in early Feburary. If I am alive by then.

Some people says any cancer awareness is "a nescesary evil" although I dont see that woth regards to pan can which is untreatable. What it has does to ME is to scare me from seeking out what could be wrong with my stomach. I am not surprised if it has destroyed others aswell.

Another thing: I dont have mild health anxiety. I have a very aggresive sort. For those with mild HA it may be more than enough to hear their GP saying "I dont think you have that ilness". Well, I am sorry but that does not work for me. Sometimes I am even more scared after leaving the docs office. And today I notice a discomfort I am wondering if I forgiot to telle about during last visit.

[rainbow]

I also am having a really bad HA flare up just now. For the past 3 months I have been obsessing over bowel cancer, it has taken over every aspect of my life, I've lost 23 pounds since then as I'm too scared to eat through the day. So I really do understand what you're going through and its an absolute living hell that nobody can understand unless they are going through it themselves.

Do you think you will ever be able to go through with the endoscopy?

[busterrufus]

I don't think an endoscopy shows pancreas , does it? Best wishes.

[almamatters]

I don't think an endoscopy shows pancreas , does it? Best wishes.

I was going to say this, i thought your pancreas was best seen with an ultrasound? I've been through similar issues and at the end of my endoscopy I asked if they had seen my pancreas , the consultant said they hadn't and it would be seen on the abdo ultrasound I was having. I have been through the pancreatic ca thing myself and still freak out about it now and again, my GP did the routine pancreatic blood tests which were normal and an ultrasound which was fine, this was enough to reassure me, I'm not going to argue with the proof of having a clear scan, even though my HA wanted me too! I hope you manage to find a way to deal with your fears, i wish you all the best.

[paranoid-viking]

I was going to say this, i thought your pancreas was best seen with an ultrasound? I've been through similar issues and at the end of my endoscopy I asked if they had seen my pancreas , the consultant said they hadn't and it would be seen on the abdo ultrasound I was having. I have been through the pancreatic ca thing myself and still freak out about it now and again, my GP did the routine pancreatic blood tests which were normal and an ultrasound which was fine, this was enough to reassure me, I'm not going to argue with the proof of having a clear scan, even though my HA wanted me too! I hope you manage to find a way to deal with your fears, i wish you all the best.

OK. Thanks. But - I think I read somewhere that some patient - in one of these horror stories I been unfortunate to read - that they first found it on a endoscopic ultrasound? No?
But your consultants told you that abdominal ultrasound is enough to see of something is wrong with the pancreas, right? They said that to mee too but all the nightmare stories I read you know talking about that one should demand CT scanning.
I know I should take endoscopy to check if I may have stomach ulcer or gastritis. I know these are not nescesarily dangerous conditions but that they may worsen and cause more complications if going undetected too long. My voice of reason then says go for it but my anxiety says no.
Another thing is that I am overweight; IBM around 30 and that is one thing listed as a risk for PC. I tried without sucsess to find if being overweight can cause ulcer, gastritis or IBS but so far I found absolutely nothing which is devastating. OK, overweight is a risk factor for gastritis but not for ulcer or IBS. At least it is not proven.

[Kathryn313]

I do feel sorry for you. I read your posts when my anxiety first started and it's so hard to see you still suffering. We had a thread that you said you thought you would be dead by the 7th December, I hope to still message you then.

You and lavender have so much in common. Best wishes. Xx

[Indiaav]

All I want to say is please don't go googling your symptoms because it is the scariest thing in the world to do. I am having problems at the moment and am terrified of the Big C and dying, but I am going through with the tests the docs are doing because if I have this then they can do so much these days and the sooner found the better, plus it may be that it is nothing like this and you will be happy with the diagnosis in the end. I was scared I had ovarian cancer and two weeks ago they did tests and I was a total mess mentally and not sleeping, eating etc, and waiting for the result I was in my own private hell but it came through as normal! The relief was wonderful on that one but my anxiety was such that I now am going through more tests just because of my fear of different feelings I have. I would say that I have been on death's doorstep with a massive heart attack and quite honestly I was the calmest person in the room of family, paramedics, ambulance staff etc., it was like someone was with me and I honestly think I had my angels with me that day, but fear is a strong emotion and we cannot help but feel it. Please have these tests as they could (a) put your mind at rest if normal and (b) if not you can get immediate treatment started. Be strong otherwise fear will be with you all the time x

[almamatters]

OK. Thanks. But - I think I read somewhere that some patient - in one of these horror stories I been unfortunate to read - that they first found it on a endoscopic ultrasound? No?
But your consultants told you that abdominal ultrasound is enough to see of something is wrong with the pancreas, right? They said that to mee too but all the nightmare stories I read you know talking about that one should demand CT scanning.
I know I should take endoscopy to check if I may have stomach ulcer or gastritis. I know these are not nescesarily dangerous conditions but that they may worsen and cause more complications if going undetected too long. My voice of reason then says go for it but my anxiety says no.
Another thing is that I am overweight; IBM around 30 and that is one thing listed as a risk for PC. I tried without sucsess to find if being overweight can cause ulcer, gastritis or IBS but so far I found absolutely nothing which is devastating. OK, overweight is a risk factor for gastritis but not for ulcer or IBS. At least it is not proven.

OK, I'm not an expert but I thought that CT scanning was required if an ultrasound showed abnormalities? An endoscopy would be the test for finding ulcers etc and yes if you do have something like gastris, then it's good to find out so the dr can put you on the correct medication, i was very scared before my endoscopy, for similar reasons to you to be honest, being diagnosed with a terminal disease or something horrible, but I'm glad I had it done as my acid reflux was discovered this way.

[paranoid-viking]

I do feel sorry for you. I read your posts when my anxiety first started and it's so hard to see you still suffering. We had a thread that you said you thought you would be dead by the 7th December, I hope to still message you then.

You and lavender have so much in common. Best wishes. Xx


Well, yes I really feel sorry for that girl and I regognise the fear as I went through the same fear of rabies almost 14 years ago. It sounds very similar to how I experienced it back then and all the tricks played on my mind. I dont really remember how I recovered from it; I guess it was just fading off as time went by. But now with my fear of PC I am going through the worst fear since that rabies fear. And now it is worse because now I fear something that is actually possible, although the chances are low. But still much higher than the chance of rabies.

---------- Post added at 20:07 ---------- Previous post was at 20:02 ----------


All I want to say is please don't go googling your symptoms because it is the scariest thing in the world to do. I am having problems at the moment and am terrified of the Big C and dying, but I am going through with the tests the docs are doing because if I have this then they can do so much these days and the sooner found the better, plus it may be that it is nothing like this and you will be happy with the diagnosis in the end. I was scared I had ovarian cancer and two weeks ago they did tests and I was a total mess mentally and not sleeping, eating etc, and waiting for the result I was in my own private hell but it came through as normal! The relief was wonderful on that one but my anxiety was such that I now am going through more tests just because of my fear of different feelings I have. I would say that I have been on death's doorstep with a massive heart attack and quite honestly I was the calmest person in the room of family, paramedics, ambulance staff etc., it was like someone was with me and I honestly think I had my angels with me that day, but fear is a strong emotion and we cannot help but feel it. Please have these tests as they could (a) put your mind at rest if normal and (b) if not you can get immediate treatment started. Be strong otherwise fear will be with you all the time x

Yes, modern medicine can treat most ilnesses and most cancer types also. Except pancreatic cancer which is of course the reason I fear that one. Only 3% survives and those who do are those who had it discovered before any symptoms appeared and in that case it would be too late for me.
And yet I know that if I have gastritis I should not wait too long to have it checked out. But the fear of PC has scred me from it.

---------- Post added at 20:09 ---------- Previous post was at 20:07 ----------


OK, I'm not an expert but I thought that CT scanning was required if an ultrasound showed abnormalities? An endoscopy would be the test for finding ulcers etc and yes if you do have something like gastris, then it's good to find out so the dr can put you on the correct medication, i was very scared before my endoscopy, for similar reasons to you to be honest, being diagnosed with a terminal disease or something horrible, but I'm glad I had it done as my acid reflux was discovered this way.


Yeah, you are probably right. I mean; those of us with no medical training easily misread the info we aqure oonline.
I have acid reflux and I know that this may cause gastritis later. I had endescopy 10 years ago when I was gven prescription for Nexium.

[almamatters]

Yes if you goggle any kind of stomach or digestive issues pancreatic ca will crop up somewhere. I googled obsessively for a couple of years hence my completely wrong self diagnoses of everything from pancreatic ca to brain tumour. I'm sorry you are in this cycle, those of us who experience it know how hard and debilitating HA is.

[cjemc]

Hi Paranoid Viking, couldn't you have capsule endoscopy or transnasal endoscopy? These methods avoid the powerful gag reflex and would reveal anything untoward.

[paranoid-viking]

Yes if you goggle any kind of stomach or digestive issues pancreatic ca will crop up somewhere. I googled obsessively for a couple of years hence my completely wrong self diagnoses of everything from pancreatic ca to brain tumour. I'm sorry you are in this cycle, those of us who experience it know how hard and debilitating HA is.

Tell me about it. If I google left side pain I think the second things that come up is the website for the UK Pancreatic Caner awareness site. I bet that organisation has paid to be among the top search result. That is actually possible. Because I have never witnesed a more aggresive scaremongering awareness campaign in my entire life. They even have statements from fmilies of victims encouraging people to distrust the health services and do doctor shopping. But why should I do that if I am going to die anyway? So that you get treatment that prolongs life(and the pain) for what? A month? Two weeks? Or even shorten it as chemotherapy is risky and dangerous for the advanced cases of cancer. I dont think that awareness campaign is saving any life at all. But they most certainly scare people. And they have scared me so much that I am afraid of doing tests.