Counting to calm myself down.

[JosieLouise]

I'm not sure if this is a compulsion or not... recently I've started feeling like I want to count when I'm anxious. Not just randomly but very specifically. I like to count to 9 (because it's the highest 1-digit number so feels most complete) and is 3 groups of 3. I like to count in a rhythm of 3s... 1,2,3... 4,5,6... 7,8,9... then back to 1 again. There's no specific obsession attached to it, but when I count like this I just feel safer. Like it's making everything ok. It's protecting.

Sorry if this sounds crazy...

[Bike Rider]

Hi, anything that help's has to be good I would say. I find that meditation whilst I count my breathing in and out helps me. Good luck.

[SLA]

Counting is perfectly fine. I'd vary it up a bit though. Count to twelve in groups of 4. etc

[MyNameIsTerry]

Sounds like a compulsion to me. You mentioned on the other thread that your therapist suspected you had OCD tendencies and so this would be worth mentioning to him/her.

I had counting compulsions and they tied to my touching/checking physical compulsions. So, I would do the touching/checking by certain numbers, sometimes odd, sometimes even, then by multiples of these numbers as the compulsions got worse.

There are backward counting techniques to help relieve panic but you don't feel like you HAVE TO do these, like you do with a counting compulsion in OCD. So, can you not do it? If the answer is that it raises your anxiety because you feel an urge to do it, it's a compulsion.

It may just be triggered by higher anxiety levels.

Compulsions reinforce OCD. They feedback to the obsession, whatever it is.

[JosieLouise]

I don't feel like I have to count. I can get through a day without it, if I'm calm, if nothing stressful is going on. But if I'm anxious and the idea comes into my head, I have a hard time resisting. It's like when you're falling asleep and suddenly you have the thought that the window might not be closed (even though you are 100% sure it is), but the longer you think about it the worse it gets until eventually you have to just check the window (I hope I'm not the only one who does this!).

Once I have the idea to count, I tend to follow through with it, unless there's something that immediately distracts me. Right now, typing about it, is making me feel like I want to count.

A few times I have combined the mental counting with tapping each of my fingers against my thumb - so I'll count to 9 nine times effectively. I feel like it's a grounding thing most of the time.

I'm very aware of over-thinking this and creating a compulsion that doesn't really exist. Is that possible?

[pulisa]

I think at this stage it sounds like a harmless way to calm yourself down.

[SLA]

the thought that the window might not be closed (even though you are 100% sure it is)

That is where you need to intercept the thought obviously. Your thought throws up the question, you KNOW the answer.


It is ok to have tricks, and mental associations to put you into certains "states" of mind. On fact, its a very powerful technique.

But like Terry says, if it becomes a compulsive habit....

Check yourself before you wreck yourself! Although maybe check is the wrong word.

Observe yourself before you unnerve yourself!!

[pulisa]

I think it's important not to overthink this though. The counting in itself is not a compulsion-more of a calming technique used appropriately.

[SLA]

I agree, but if your calming technique has a compulsion associated with it, you are replacing one problem with another.

If not doing the counting in a specific way causes you anxiety, and anxiety is the thing you are trying to avoid, then you will become caught in a cycle of obsession.

Its important to highlight the necessity to check.


if I'm anxious and the idea comes into my head, I have a hard time resisting.

Compulsion


Once I have the idea to count, I tend to follow through with it.

Compulsion


A few times I have combined the mental counting with tapping each of my fingers against my thumb - so I'll count to 9 nine times effectively.

...


I feel like it's a grounding thing most of the time.

What about the rest of the time?!

I think this idea is at the root of your problem Josie. You get relief from counting, because you satisfy the compulsion. Like checking the window.... like doing anything OCD related... its just in a different guise.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I agree, but if your calming technique has a compulsion associated with it, you are replacing one problem with another.

If not doing the counting in a specific way causes you anxiety, and anxiety is the thing you are trying to avoid, then you will become caught in a cycle of obsession.

Its important to highlight the necessity to check.



Compulsion



Compulsion



...



What about the rest of the time?!

I think this idea is at the root of your problem Josie. You get relief from counting, because you satisfy the compulsion. Like checking the window.... like doing anything OCD related... its just in a different guise.

Exactly what I see too, completely agree with SLA. Something triggers this sporadically, probably rises in anxiety levels if nothing else can be found, and it leads to a compulsion to take the anxiety away, a classic description of a compulsion in OCD.

JosieLouise, didn't your therapist say you were showing signs of OCD behaviour?

But remember that OCD isn't just about behaviours & symptoms part of the diagnosis is about impact. The reason for this being probably every human has such behaviours but they aren't a problem. I had OCD behaviours long before my GAD even started, but they didn't affect my life at all. I can see it in my dad too with checking certain things but he has no anxiety issues.

Compulsions do get created by us, it's all learned behaviour in anxiety anyway.

[JosieLouise]

JosieLouise, didn't your therapist say you were showing signs of OCD behaviour?

Yes, she did. However that was specifically related to health anxiety... So if I felt ill I would repeat "I am not sick" or "I have no pain" as my compulsion to take away my anxiety. I would also physically check many times a day - my body, my reflection... multiples checking behaviours. I also engaged in magical thinking eg. I saw a hurse, therefore that's a death omen.

Up until now with this counting thing, health anxiety and OCD have co-existed. One doesn't happen without the other. As far as I could tell, I had no OCD related behaviours that weren't related to health anxiety. But the counting isn't necessarily health anxiety related - I just do it as a response to higher general anxiety (also diagnosed with GAD).

I would love to tell the therapist all this but unfortunately I no longer see her as the NHS only gave me 8 sessions.

As far as impacting my life is concerned... it really doesn't. Some days I count more than others, sometimes I'm so distracted I barely think about it.

[pulisa]

Isn't it the impact on your life a particular behaviour makes that matters? If it doesn't make an impact then personally I wouldn't want to make it a significant OCD compulsion because it's not for you at this stage.However, I'm certainly no authority on OCD despite having it myself-to me your counting seems harmless. If it worked for me I would consider it a helpful strategy. But this is just my opinion and obviously Terry and SLA know far more about OCD than I do.