He Needs Insurance - Is it Worth it to Marry?

[Tim'sGal]

Hello! I'm new to these forums and I am hoping to get some advice. I do not suffer from an anxiety disorder (although I am prone to anxiety) but my boyfriend Tim suffers from chronic and very severe anxiety.

Right now one of the biggest sources of the anxiety are the medical bills piling up for treatment. Tim needs to see his therapist and his psychiatrist regularly for him to feel well. But, we are never able to afford for him to see them as regularly as he needs. His therapist costs $140/hour and his psychiatrist costs $100/15 minutes. Tim is a freelancer. He makes good money but he has no insurance through his employer. He has Obamacare right now and it is good, we're very glad for it, but it does not cover mental health services. My insurance is excellent and would cover Tim almost in full. I never want Tim to have to choose between seeing a doctor that he needs and paying rent, or paying his student loans. And, even though he is seeing his therapist and psychiatrist as little as possible, the bills keep flowing in.

I don't know what to do. If we marry, which I know we will down the line, then he will be covered under my insurance and I think a large chunk of these bills, and the associated anxiety, will go away. But, we also don't want to marry because of insurance. We both know that we will be married eventually, we've been living together for 4 years and discuss marriage often, but are not able to afford the wedding that we'd like. Something as unromantic as marrying in a courthouse because he's stressed about bills seems distasteful to me. But, of course, he needs the insurance if he's going to be treated properly. His mental health and well-being is all I care about. This is an idea that I have proposed and that we both think about but neither of us knows what to do. Tim's older brother is engaged and is to be married in July. If we get married before him I think the family would be upset. I just have no idea what to do and how best to help him.

[Fishmanpa]

Wow... that's a tough one and by asking, it's just a matter of one's personal opinion of the matter.

That being said, a quick court house wedding just to give your boyfriend (you didn't say he was your fiance') would not be prudent IMO. If you plan on marrying, waiting until you can afford the wedding you want (not to mention a proposal and ring!) as well as both of you being in a healthy mental state of mind would be worth waiting for. The last thing you want is to do this and find that upon healing mentally, things wouldn't be working out. You're be divorced and he'd be back in the same boat anyway.

Double check your coverage. My wife and I are covered under the Affordable Care Act and our Bronze plan includes mental health coverage when referred by our primary care GP.

Good luck and as always

Positive thoughts

[randomforeigner]

I married in a courthouse, nothing wrong with that, it's very practical but as you say not very romantic. It also cost very little (I think all in all it cost us something like $500 only and was over in 5 minutes and that was the long version).

Does it matter much that the siblings marry in the right order? Why would the family be upset? Why would they be upset over what is a practical solution?

---------- Post added at 20:29 ---------- Previous post was at 20:28 ----------

You could always have a big church (or similar) wedding later on, couldn't you?

[Tim'sGal]

I think we would just feel totally weird about telling his family that we were getting married in a courthouse so Tim could have insurance. They're a traditional family and I think they would believe we were doing it for the wrong reasons, especially since they're in the midst of planning a romantic wedding for their eldest. Tim's brother did the whole thing "right" the long engagement and meticulous wedding planning. I think they would see it as an insult for us to sneak in and get married before their plans come to fruition.

I agree, we must really need to re-evaluate our insurance options. I wonder if the Bronze plan costs substantially more than what he's paying now? He pays like $120/month for his current insurance.

[Fishmanpa]

I agree, we must really need to re-evaluate our insurance options. I wonder if the Bronze plan costs substantially more than what he's paying now? He pays like $120/month for his current insurance.

Now is the time to re-up. We just did and got the same plan. Despite all the brew ha ha about rate increases, we did fine. Our deductible went up $400 but our monthly payment actually went down about $40 a month so we come out a little ahead in the big picture.

As far as the wedding and all that? It's your first (and hopefully last) wedding :winks: My wife and I eloped as it was our second marriage. We did a really sweet Bed and Breakfast deal on a gorgeous Southern Plantation. It was a package deal, romantic and all inclusive including 3 nights at the Inn, the ceremony and officiant (he was awesome.. called us before and personalized the service), photos, dinner for two etc.

To me anyway... a romantic beautiful wedding complete with the dress and all the trimmings is worth it. Look into the insurance deal. There are several plans available. See an insurance agent that can help you navigate the complexities.

Positive thoughts

[Tim'sGal]

Honestly, I feel like the issue is that I am completely emotionally exhausted. He has this dark cloud hanging over him some days. I love him and want so badly to see him happy. Sometimes I can rally and continue to stay positive and sometimes I get dragged down with him. It's no fault of his.

Today, for example, he was hit out of nowhere with a confusing $500 bill from his psychiatrist and his anxiety kicked in like crazy. He told me he would refuse to pay, credit score be damned, that he would take them to court, that he didn't think he could go to work later because he was so upset, and then let it snowball into focusing on every other little problem he could think of. I was at work and talking to him on the phone and it's just so draining. I think if he was able to afford to go see his therapist every time this happened instead of weighing the costs and deciding just to unload on me instead, this would help so much. I try to be sympathetic when he gets super anxious but a big part of me feels like "Dude, it's one bill. We can afford it even though it'll be tight. We're adults, let's just deal with this like a team and put it to rest." I get emotionally exhausted not just dealing with whatever the problem may be but also him, his emotions, and walking on eggshells with how I react to him in fear of making it worse. If I get frustrated or anxious as well, everything goes downhill. I feel that if we were married and he could go see his therapist instead of unloading on me, life would be so much better. But, hey, maybe even if he had the insurance he wouldn't go. Who knows.

---------- Post added at 19:56 ---------- Previous post was at 19:55 ----------


Now is the time to re-up. We just did and got the same plan. Despite all the brew ha ha about rate increases, we did fine. Our deductible went up $400 but our monthly payment actually went down about $40 a month so we come out a little ahead in the big picture.

As far as the wedding and all that? It's your first (and hopefully last) wedding :winks: My wife and I eloped as it was our second marriage. We did a really sweet Bed and Breakfast deal on a gorgeous Southern Plantation. It was a package deal, romantic and all inclusive including 3 nights at the Inn, the ceremony and officiant (he was awesome.. called us before and personalized the service), photos, dinner for two etc.

To me anyway... a romantic beautiful wedding complete with the dress and all the trimmings is worth it. Look into the insurance deal. There are several plans available. See an insurance agent that can help you navigate the complexities.

Positive thoughts

Thank you so much! We will sit down with an insurance agent, you're right. It's all so confusing and sometimes I get lost in the complexities.

[Cherryade]

Having a romantic wedding doesn't mean it has to be big and expensive and with loads of people involved. Unless of course, that is what YOU want. Eloping somewhere romantic just the two of you could be just as nice but with a bucket loadful of less stress. At the end of the day, it concerns just the two of you, not your families. And you are getting married because you love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together? It's not just for the insurance?

[lotusblossom]

I agree with cherryade you do what you want to do and not for other people its your life you are adults live it for you

[Catherine S]

Fortunately, being British many of us don't have the problem of health insurance as you seem to have constantly in the US, as mostly we have our national health service which means we can access various tests, treatment and support without worrying. I've often read in the many threads from sufferers in The States about this problem, the fact that you ask here so often for answers to your health problems because you have to pay for the simplest tests over there, and your insurance doesn't cover it all. It must be really bad to have to think about putting off a wedding because of health insurance problems!

My sympathies to you, and hope you resolve your health insurance problem so you can go ahead with your wedding.

ISB x

[Fishmanpa]

Just a thought.... If you do follow through and marry to give him your insurance benefits, a Pre-Nup agreement might be in order :winks:

Positive thoughts

[swgrl09]

Has he asked his psychiatrist or therapist if they do a sliding scale based on income? Sometimes they will offer that...