phoenixhobbit
23-11-16, 13:55
[CN: mentions of self harm]
I'm having a breast reduction on December 12th and it's really causing my anxiety to drastically increase. I've only ever had one other surgery when I had my four impacted wisdom teeth taken out in 2008 and I was put under.
I'm doing a will beforehand and am trying to not be too scared, but it is something that's really terrifying for me. I am generally anxious about the surgery for other reasons. I am having it for gender-related reasons not to mention back pain reasons (I own a 34G bra which is too small for me) and I'm having it privately because the NHS refused multiple times to fund it. I got it done thanks to fundraising for a year and talking a lot about my identity.
So it feels like double pressure because I feel like if I'm not completely happy with it, I will have wasted people's money and my identity is BS.
It's hard... and the anxiety is bleeding out into all other aspects of my life. I tried to dye my hair and read the allergen section and got terrified despite never having an allergic reaction to dye before and couldn't dye my hair. I am having thoughts that my partner is secretly unhappy and will one day without warning dump me.
On top of that, I am awaiting test results for a group of symptoms I've been having that could either be a lifelong condition which is not a very big deal and is only occasionally a pain... or it could be something worse.
On Sunday, I was alone as my partner was out and couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he hates me and doesn't love me. I get into these spirals where I question everything, my rational brain is arguing with my anxiety brain and I feel caught between them and have no idea what to believe. It's like a TV constantly changing channels so much that I can't even focus on one thought. It was so overwhelming that I scratched myself up because the pain seems to make the thoughts stop for just a second. I wanted to do something more painful but thankfully I didn't.
I do have a therapist and I am talking with her about this. She's very supportive, but it would also be good for me to hear other people who have been anxious about surgery. I was anxious about my wisdom teeth but it wasn't such an operation with such meaning to my identity. Before I went in they gave me a pill to take an hour before that made my body relaxed and made me just want to lie down under a blanket. I'm going for a consultation, my last one, on Thursday with the surgery clinic and I'm going to ask for some type of anti-anxiety med to take before I go in for the surgery as well.
So yeah, it'd be good to know if anyone else has had a reduction or anything and was anxious about it.
I'm having a breast reduction on December 12th and it's really causing my anxiety to drastically increase. I've only ever had one other surgery when I had my four impacted wisdom teeth taken out in 2008 and I was put under.
I'm doing a will beforehand and am trying to not be too scared, but it is something that's really terrifying for me. I am generally anxious about the surgery for other reasons. I am having it for gender-related reasons not to mention back pain reasons (I own a 34G bra which is too small for me) and I'm having it privately because the NHS refused multiple times to fund it. I got it done thanks to fundraising for a year and talking a lot about my identity.
So it feels like double pressure because I feel like if I'm not completely happy with it, I will have wasted people's money and my identity is BS.
It's hard... and the anxiety is bleeding out into all other aspects of my life. I tried to dye my hair and read the allergen section and got terrified despite never having an allergic reaction to dye before and couldn't dye my hair. I am having thoughts that my partner is secretly unhappy and will one day without warning dump me.
On top of that, I am awaiting test results for a group of symptoms I've been having that could either be a lifelong condition which is not a very big deal and is only occasionally a pain... or it could be something worse.
On Sunday, I was alone as my partner was out and couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he hates me and doesn't love me. I get into these spirals where I question everything, my rational brain is arguing with my anxiety brain and I feel caught between them and have no idea what to believe. It's like a TV constantly changing channels so much that I can't even focus on one thought. It was so overwhelming that I scratched myself up because the pain seems to make the thoughts stop for just a second. I wanted to do something more painful but thankfully I didn't.
I do have a therapist and I am talking with her about this. She's very supportive, but it would also be good for me to hear other people who have been anxious about surgery. I was anxious about my wisdom teeth but it wasn't such an operation with such meaning to my identity. Before I went in they gave me a pill to take an hour before that made my body relaxed and made me just want to lie down under a blanket. I'm going for a consultation, my last one, on Thursday with the surgery clinic and I'm going to ask for some type of anti-anxiety med to take before I go in for the surgery as well.
So yeah, it'd be good to know if anyone else has had a reduction or anything and was anxious about it.