I can't help feeling 'this is finally it.........'

[widge]

although it's good to be back among understanding folk here. Having battled my anxiety demons for so many years....and won SOME of the battles...I now seem to be facing a showdown and nothing left in the tank to deal with it,

I have been increasingly suffering with what I assumed to be the 'usual' symptoms of my GAD.....dizziness, trembling, weakness etc,.....but THIS time some 'unfamiliar' feeling.....as well as loss of weight and a 3month long shoulder ache nothing I do seems to shake it off this time....

I went to the doc about 2-3 months ago and he thought perhaps an inner ear balance/vertigo problem that would pass or become intermittent, but my feeling of general unwellness is increasing. And Doctor Google is really NOT reassuring....I already 'knew' that but the internet is a strange and powerful god!

I AM or at least WAS a heavy smoker for most of my life (I'm 58) -about which I am riddled with guilt-but never really stopped to consider the symptoms of lung cancer until this week-and sure enough-everything seems to add up.

Needless to say...I am beyond any anxious state I've ever known....just helpless.....with fear. And feeling more ill by the moment. I can see a doctor in 2 days, but what to say?? I have always tried to contain the 'health anxiety' aspect of my condition and be completely rational with my doctors...but in this case..I am almost afraid to go.

I know this isn't necessarily the place to be if it turns out I do have a serious problem,
but I would SO appreciate any support over the next few days while I try to go through the process of diagnosis - and especially if things turn sinister by degrees.

Just the courage to even contemplate the worst seems now to have deserted me completely.

Sorry for long post.

Best W

Widge

[Primula]

Sorry you are feeling so anxious. At least you will be able to see your doctor very soon. I'm sure they will be able to allay your fears.

[Dfw]

Not sure about your weight loss, except maybe the panic of your thoughts have contributed to less eating.

You can pull up a web page called tmswiki.org

There you will find a lot of information and forums on chronic pains ( lasting 3 months or longer). I have found this theory very relevant for my health issues and it has worked wonders.

Although I am having a relapse at this moment, I feel I can get back to feeling better with some time and energy devoted to myself.

I can answer any questions you may have about TMS.

[Mummytofour]

Hi, your best bet is to just go see your doctor maybe with a list of your symptoms and tell them your fear of what it could be. They can then put your mind at ease and if necessary do any tests that need doing to rule things out. You don't want to leave the appointment thinking you should have said what your thinking. I wish you all the best for your appointment and I am sure all will be fine. Keep us updated.

Maxine

[Massive worrier]

Completely agree with the Internet thing :roflmao: last week I promised myself I will never Google again, I did the same yesterday. I just googled and definitely don't feel better! One day we may learn!

Completely sympathise. So many times I have been convinced this is it... It never is! Problem with anxiety symptoms is that they mimic every other illness out there! You can make any of your symptoms add up to something horrible! Then these symptoms make worse symptoms which affects sleep and eating. It's a big horrible cycle!

Have you found anything helps you in the past? Iv found the thing that helps me most (and usually the last thing I want to do) is to be around people. I find it's a great distraction. Iv tried reading and other things but never works the same! Never had any luck with CBT!

Look after yourself and try not to let the anxiety get you down.

[swajj]

Weight loss could be due to not eating properly due to your anxiety. How much weight have you lost?

[widge]

Thanks so much for your replies everyone...it means a lot. And I can't help but feel a growing sympathy with others who feel so scared by these things too. As my Dr. said today.....'well who WOULDN'T!?..'

I have to run the gamut of 'tests' now. Bloods next week to rule out any 'other' causes for my symptoms and then....
......the dreaded X-Rays and the interminable wait and worry while they get round to reporting on them....I really REALLY will find it hard to deal with that.

My Doctor was very pragmatic and down-to-earth about it all. Whilst not ruling anything out. He gave me a refill script of my anti-panic Diazepam which I take as sparingly and responsibly as possible, (but been getting through a few more than usual these last few weeks!) and propranolol to help me get through work ( I am a violinist by trade....and tremors,hyperventilation and racing heart panic would end my career pretty rapidly!In fact-it's come pretty close at times already!!).

Thanks again all...but I'll update you as and when if I may.

I just need to get some semblance of control over my debilitating panic while all this is in the air..........ideas on a post-card greatfully received!

All Best

Widge

[widge]

HI all.....
Bloods mostly ok - slightly raised cholesterol level but not enough to really worry. Doctor suggests only LUNG X-RAY left to cover the bases!!:scared15:

I'm not keen! But I know that ultimately this is what it takes.

He said ok...let's leave it all 'til after Xmas if that's what you want....but to be honest...I'm not sure WHAT i want!!

certainly...my anxiety levels are in overdrive. I haven't smoked now for 3 weeks.Pretty inconsequential but a world record for me! I still feel cr@p and obviously I cannot undo any damage already done.....

the withdrawal symptoms are pretty heavy-weight too so it is difficult to know what is going on! I'm kind of at the end of my tether now. The uncertainty and foreboding as well as the ongoing feeling of unwellness are only increasing.
I am thinking of ways to end it all already.....................mental anxiety, physical pain....uncertainty....intimations of doom.....how to cope...how to carry on......how to behave to those I love and cherish while I try to 'man' this out? It's all getting a bit ghastly....

I wish I knew how to be a bit braver? Pragmatic? More like my heros? More zen? But I'm just not sure I can be any more.

Help:shrug:

[Stecakes]

you're letting your anxiety run with this now. you need to take a breath and think about this logically for a moment.
back pain from lung cancer is when the tumour is interfering with a nerve. this is a fairly rare event, most people with lung cancer don't report any pain at all.
and the ones that do are usually at an advanced stage. and displaying a lot of very obvious symptoms.
I'm not a doctor, and I can't give 100% guarantees,
but if you look at this rationally and observe all the evidence ,it doesn't point to lung cancer.
I'm sure you could find pages and pages on google of people diagnosed who had exactly your symptoms only. but I'll bet I can find just as many that say the earth is flat.
that's why we shouldn't google about our health