Can't cope with people [Archive]

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Polar Bear

25-11-16, 12:20

Hate people who don't recognise any other opinion but their own and appear to ride roughshod over any alternative view. Been trying to sort something out for a part time job that I have and for one particular individual nothing is right, things have to be done her way, I shouldn't do this I must do that! and she isn't my boss!

I just feel so pushed around in just about everything I do / get involved in.

I feel so low. I don't know what to do and see no future other than one where I'm carrying on constantly feeling a failure, tormented in my own mind. I've struggled for decades like this and can't cope with it anymore.

I've had times when I feel better but it never lasts. Mood swings seem to be one of my issues and it drives me crazy!

Not sure what I what by posting this and never great that knowing what to say in response when I do get a reply but need to let some of this out!

I'm about to move house which is stressing me out. Don't really want to move but we are in an old house at the moment which is costly to maintain so it does make sense to move.It's the usual heart v head problem.

My problems started with anxiety which I've struggled with ever since I can remember but its definitely turned into depression. I just can't see a future, at least not without feeling like this all the time. Tried so many things. They have helped but I've never managed to sustain any improvement. Despairing now whether this could ever change. The counsellor I was seeing commented that I didn't see joy in anything. She was right. I just can't get through this to find any kind of peace or joy in lots of things that I should do. I have grandchildren and when we see them its great but we don't see them enough and again I'm held back doing things with them sometimes when my mind is whirling around as usual.

Life seems to have passed me by really. I don't know what to do anymore.

randomforeigner

25-11-16, 14:18

It'll probably be better once you've moved and has settled down at your new place. Couldn't you tell some more about your new place? I've browsed your posts, and surely it'll be good not to have those parking problems outside your house anymore? What happened to that sports coaching you did? (I said I had browsed your posts, didn't I?) And is everything well with your dog? Do you live far away from your grandchildren? Couldn't you go see them more often?

You could as a hobby help me a bit with my English studies, I really need the practice.

mezzaninedoor

25-11-16, 14:23

Polar Bear,

I don't know if I will be able to help but there are some similarities with my experience over the last 18 months - 2 years. During that time I have had major depression and pulled out of moving house twice due to anxiety. I have also had huge confidence issues in that period as well and a diagnosis of BiPolar type II where as previously everything had just been treated under the label of 'depression', I think I'm in a better but by no means perfect place now.

Things that have helped me, that may or may not help you are:

I have Person Centred Talking Therapy, this really helps me with sorting out my self critic and getting fact and fiction in my life separated. This has helped me to value my contribution more in the workplace and has actually caused me in navigating my BiPolar and my Job to be a little more selfish in my attitude to it, I take on work in a way that allows me to work myself into it and any pressures that apply. I consider myself the equal of anyone else and I tell myself this daily with a morning breathing exercise where I concentrate on the breath and have a mantra 'I am of value, equal value.' Simple but has proven effective.

I allow myself to be kind to myself outside of work. I love to write poetry, it has developed into a hobby that I and my Wife/family ensure that I have time for. This Sunday <gulp> I'm performing at a local charity do for the 2nd time this year. Mt wife understands how important my hobby is to my self worth. A hobby is a good way to treat yourself well and find value in yourself.

I had begun to shun other people early in this period, especially because Im quite a leftie and I couldn't believe some of the unfair views that people have, i especially struggled with christian friends who were hard right wingers. I really had a gap with them. I have managed to read some Politics 101 style books and now I accept that i will have a gulf with the beliefs of some of my friends but I have actually said to them 'Look we are going to have to agree to differ' as I'm never going to come to there thinking on certain issues but I have tried to find things that they believe where I have some common ground, there isn't much but I will try and make sure that conversations are partly based on where we have common ground now and not just things that polarise us.

My Son, Partner and Grandson have recently moved to 20 miles away so we see them a lot less often, they lived with us between October 2015 and February 2016, I now make sure that when we get time with the Grandson its special for us and him and I do more creative things like making Blue Peter type things out of rubbish around the house, I try and make each time a possible memory so that next time I can go' Do you remember when we ...................'. It helps a bit and stregthens the bond. The hardest thing is my other Son, Wife and GrandDaughter live in the USA so we are often looking at them spending time with the American grandparents but we are trying hard to accept thats really good for them as a family and we will try to make sure out times are special as we can and memories.

There are lots of people I find it hard to cope with, sometimes its just because I think differently, I guess I could say I think my way of thinking is superior ( I can't deny that there is an element of that ) but I find that I'm beginning with putting a bit of work in that I can spend a short bit of time with almost anyone.

I hope the above may help you, I wish you well

Tony

KeeKee

25-11-16, 15:35

I find it very difficult being around others. I find that many people feel it's OK for them to moan about their lives etc but as soon as it's your turn they either don't want to hear it or their problem is worse. Have you ever had the "You should try......." line before? I absolutely hate it. You are shattered, they have Insomnia. You have 5lbs to lose, they have 10. You've only got £5 left for the next few days, they've only got £5 for a month, and so on.

I have acne and have actually had someone point out an absolutely tiny bit of dry skin in an inconspicuous area and imply it's worse than my skin that I cannot fully cover.

It also grates on me when people tell me "You are pushing people away" when in fact, they are the ones pushing you away by always calling you (as in me) miserable, lazy, boring, too serious etc. My family are very abrupt

I'm starting to feel like I'd really rather be alone. If you don't like the same things as others, can't hide your sadness etc then people always have to mention it to you. I've BDD and in the Summer I always wear jackets and without fail I always get at least one comment asking why I'm wearing a 'coat'. I truly don't enjoy being around others. Even being around my partner and daughter is very difficult sometimes.

I am beyond miserable. A few people have suggested maybe I need more positive people in my life (not that the people in my life are particularly negative, they just have a habit of giving their unwanted, usually critical opinion) or maybe people who share my interests (or lack of). Would that be a possibility for you?

As others have suggested, would it be possible to see your grand children more often?

Lucinda07

26-11-16, 07:52

KeeKee

26-11-16, 09:01

Kee Kee
Unfortunately many people around us are unable to give us what we need. They have no knowledge of anxiety conditions & perceive things in a different way. Many believe THEIR problem rules & outweighs your difficulties, which could be resolved by doing X or Y.
Our behaviour can seem strange/irritating to others who have never had MH problems. Unfortunately, people sometimes do make comments eg always wearing a jacket - we just have to find a way of brushing off their remarks. You are the 1st person I have "met" with BDD, I'm sure if I met you & I would think you look absolutely fine!:)

Thanks Lucinda. People always tell me 'there's nothing wrong with me' and some have went as far as calling me attractive, but I just don't get how anybody with bad skin and hideous dark circles/puffy eyes can be. I think people say that to make me feel better, which doesn't work as I don't believe it.

As for others not getting anxiety/depression that doesn't bother me. I just don't understand how anybody can think it's OK to put another person down. I would never just come out and tell a relative they're miserable, it's unbelievably rude in my opinion. Plus 2 of my relatives claim they're depressed too, yet show no understanding of it.

I truly just hate being around people. I can't just brush comments off because i don't even know how to respond and it makes me feel really stressed. I also can't tie my hair back and have had people asking why but I'll not mention my BDD in 'real life' so I just say I just like it down.

I don't understand how anybody can put up with being critised off others. They must have very thick skin.

Lucinda07

26-11-16, 10:36

KeeKee

26-11-16, 11:57

KeeKee

I'm sorry you have bad skin, which cannot be hidden by makeup. I can find few words of comfort, other than we take a person as a whole not just their blemishes.
If your relatives are so thoughtless & hurtful, then keep your distance. Spend more time alone and maybe work on your self-esteem so you may accept yourself. Not easy - I REALLY - struggle!
Thankfully, there is support on this site.
I hope something nice happens for you this weekend!:)

Thank you again Lucinda. Luckily I only really see them once a week. It just plays on my mind constantly and I have come to expect others to criticise me, even though it isn't every time I see them. I truly hate myself. You're right, I should spend more time alone trying to raise my self esteem. My skin does have periods where it's okayish and then I'll get breakouts. I thought I'd have out grown it by now. Didn't even have acne as a teenager.

randomforeigner

26-11-16, 12:31

I thought I'd have out grown it by now. Didn't even have acne as a teenager.
Same here, I didn't have it as a teenager but might have it now, at 50.

KeeKee

26-11-16, 13:04

Same here, I didn't have it as a teenager but might have it now, at 50.

Sorry to hear that. I'm 28 now and have had it for 7-8 years with increasing severity. I think it's still classed as 'mild' but that's probably as I'm always using topical treatments for it. Hope it doesn't last much longer, I'm truly sick of it. I don't feel able to go without makeup in front of anyone other than my partner and child. If I get a knock on the door and I am makeup free, I ignore it.

Polar Bear

28-11-16, 11:31

Thanks for responding everyone. Sorry I've not replied before but was at a wedding on Saturday which was a long day.

I think that I think too much. At the wedding I was reflecting on the past which was ok in some ways but probably thinking to negatively over some things as well.

To answer some of the questions you have posed. I think we should try to make more time to see our grandchildren. They do live 70 miles or so away which doesn't help though. Tony - you make a good point about the quality of the time we do spend with them and I need to make sure we do get that when we see them.

I do my athletics coaching still and once I'm doing this I do enjoy it. Often feel that I don't want to go though and have to push myself often to get up and go there.

The house move is on for this Friday which means a very busy week coming up. RandomForeigner - You're right about the parking as that aspect should be much better. The new house is nearby so we know the area well and it is a nice area. It's a smaller house but one of my worries is the dog and her settling in and now making too much noise!. Neighbours are always important and I hope they are all ok.

KeeKee - sorry to hear that you are not feeling well and about your skin issues. People can be thoughtless. Hope your weekend was good as Lucinda said. I think most of the people I connect with are positive but I certainly often only see the negative. Maybe this is one of my big problems.

Another hobby and some therapy maybe a good idea. I know that I have to keep trying and working on how to beat this. It's going to be a busy time for me and although it's going to be stressful. I'm not going to have time to think to much which may be a blessing!

Thanks for your support. I hope that everyone is ok and can continue to support one another. It helps keep faith in human nature which isn't always high in my mind.