Bit of a blip

[Mojo61]

Arghhhh! Been doing so well after 7 months on Cit; happier, less anxious, working, going on holiday.. then on Wednesday I got a phone call at 7.15am to say my elderly brother-in-law had sadly passed away and had been found by his carer when she went in for her early morning visit.

Now although this wasn't totally unexpected it was still a bit of a shock that he went so suddenly like that, we had only been to see him the previous week and he had been fine then. Anyway, the fact is I am named as sole executor in his will (I've known about this for a long time) so it is down to me to sort everything out and I can feel the anxiety creeping back in, especially in the mornings, and self doubt as to whether I'll be able to cope with everything.

He has property and a large amount of savings so I know it will have to go to probate, I've already made an appointment at the registry office on Monday to register the death and ideally I'd like to do the probate myself as I can't afford to pay for a solicitor and his bank will only release funds to pay for funeral expenses and inheritance tax.

My sleep pattern has gone to pot again and that's not helping. I guess I just want a bit of support and encouragement as this is all new to me and it is stressing me out.

Thank you.

[randomforeigner]

It's quite understandable. People often only seem to think of the loss of the loved one and the funeral service. But, administering the, well, administration and clearing out and selling off property is really a daunting task, sort of unfairly dumped upon you. Recall when dad died, I spent several months digging out clutter and going through finances, cancelling subscriptions, memberships, etc. I'm not familiar with the procedures in the UK but whatever they are, it's still a daunting task. I found it helpful to have a bound notebook where I entered notes on all things I did, were to do, phone numbers called, copied of receipts etc. A log book to keep track of everything.

[pulisa]

I'm sorry to hear this news, Mojo. Being the sole executor is a big responsibility and I can understand how you want to get things right but are naturally anxious about what you will need to do. I would advise you to look at some online DIY Probate guides and see what you think? The "Which" guides are always helpful and reputable. You may find all the paperwork just too much of a daunting prospect and if this is the case maybe you could see what the rates are for local solicitors? I know you don't want to go down this route if you can help it but you need to keep well and maintain the progress which you have obviously made recently.

It must be a big shock for you and this together with your new responsibility would understandably cause you to feel overwhelmed. See what you think over the next few days and make a decision based on how you feel?x

[randomforeigner]

...to look at some online DIY Probate guides...
This is actually a great idea! I now recall I purchased a DIY Probate guide when dad died (applicable where I live of course) and I found it very helpful. It explained everything, step by step. Surely there are similar books available in the UK online bookshops or, as suggested, online. (I like bound books so I went for a paper-based copy.)

---------- Post added at 10:22 ---------- Previous post was at 10:11 ----------

I also had the experience of dealing with it right over Christmas, dad died a few weeks prior, at about this time actually (over my 40th birthday weekend at that). I recall I spent the entire Christmas weekend filing paperwork, writing up phone numbers whom to call to cancel subscriptions, doctors appointments, sorting out paperwork, returning the disability parking permit, etc. etc... Dreadful. But with the DIY it wasn't so overwhelming as I had thought. (The only thing I regret in hindsight is that we didn't purchase a utility trailer straight away, but instead I rented one for what proved to be the 30+ trips to the household waste & recycling centre.... ugh... dad had OCD and had been hoarding stuff.)

[Mojo61]

Thank you everyone. Part of the problem is that until the estate is settled no funds can be released unless it is for funeral costs or inheritance tax. This means that everything else has to come out of my own pocket and I don't have the money to pay for it!

[randomforeigner]

Thank you everyone. Part of the problem is that until the estate is settled no funds can be released unless it is for funeral costs or inheritance tax. This means that everything else has to come out of my own pocket and I don't have the money to pay for it!
If it's of any comfort to you, I was in the same predicament although I'm in another country.... the process of it all, including paying off household bills while settling things, it's so cumbersome as if designed like nobody has ever died before. For example here we were obliged to go to the bank and leave all household bills over the counter, to be paid, even though dad had had an internet bank. You're literally thrown back 100 years, as procedure goes.


Maybe the spiral writing-pad, a Bic pen, and a DIY guide is something you can take out of your own funds. Keeping a log is most helpful. You can write factual stuff from one direction in the notebook, and write a diary from the other direction (it's helpful to have somewhere to pour out on how miserable everything feels.)

---------- Post added at 11:28 ---------- Previous post was at 11:22 ----------

If you have a contact at your bank, you might discuss it through with him/her (the pocket issue). If you don't have one, it's a great opportunity to get one. You're probably not the first one going into a bank, wanting to discuss the predicament of having to pay out of their own pocket while sorting things out. There might be some solution you cannot think of now, but one they know about and can recommend.