View Full Version : How would you deal with this?
A situation has arisen in my personal life that's causing me some anxiety, and I have no idea what I should do.
My cousin who is like another sister to me, met a guy middle of last year who she's been with since and moved in with January this year. We were all so happy for her because she's been through a fair bit of crap and was/is clearly very happy with him.
I've met him many times and he's always seemed like a great guy, albeit I've never spent that much time with him he seemed pleasant enough, and from what she tells me he treats her great and they've got a good thing going.
However, a few weeks ago I went to their house for his birthday they had quite a few family/friends around for drinks.
My opinion of him since that night has completely changed, the first thing was the way he was staring at me when I got there it made me feel very uncomfortable and he didn't even try to hide it, then all night I caught him just looking at me. When he passed me in the kitchen he put his hand on my hip which I thought was inappropriate.
I was coming out of the toilet and he was waiting outside, he looked at me in a sexual way and sort of blocked the door way so I had to squeeze past him.
The next day I just tried to tell myself it was probably alcohol and me being paranoid, but he has not stopped liking everything and anything I put on social media, I rarely put up pictures of myself but when I do he will be the first one liking it. I just can't understand how my cousin thinks this is OK and I feel like I can't say anything either because he's not technically done anything.
I'm upset because I have been so happy for her, but I have a real bad feeling about him. Shes invited me there this coming Friday for tea, needless to say I'll be finding an excuse not to go. I don't want to not see her anymore and drift apart over this.
Am I overreacting? I can see how it could seem that way.
All I can say is if I was her I wouldn't be happy with him doing that. I know a lot of men think flirting is 'harmless', but if my partner was flirting with another girl, especially liking her pics etc I'd tell him to do one. I personally don't think you're overreacting, but that's just me. The drunken hip touch could be forgiven if that was all, but liking your pics etc. If he acts that way with her cousin, when she is nearby, what does he do when he's not with her?!?
All I can say is if I was her I wouldn't be happy with him doing that. I know a lot of men think flirting is 'harmless', but if my partner was flirting with another girl, especially liking her pics etc I'd tell him to do one. I personally don't think you're overreacting, but that's just me. The drunken hip touch could be forgiven if that was all, but liking your pics etc. If he acts that way with her cousin, when she is nearby, what does he do when he's not with her?!?
I feel the same way, and it worries me because she's so happy with him I'd hate to think he was betraying her it would break her heart.
I think I will just stay away for a while, hopefully see her alone Instead as it took a lot for me to not say anything that night I'm usually someone who would call them out.
I also thought I must be going mad and that surely he wouldn't be this obvious with her being in the same house.
I don't think you're overreacting. As uncomfortable as it may be, I would tell him flat out what he's doing is inappropriate, disrespectful to your coisin and making you uncomfortable. Tell him what you said here about your relationship with your cousin and that you won't allow her to get hurt (a veiled threat so to speak).
Be prepared to follow through if the behavior continues.
Positive thoughts
I don't think you're overreacting. As uncomfortable as it may be, I would tell him flat out what he's doing is inappropriate, disrespectful to your coisin and making you uncomfortable. Tell him what you said here about your relationship with your cousin and that you won't allow her to get hurt (a veiled threat so to speak).
Be prepared to follow through if the behavior continues.
Positive thoughts
Yes you're probably right, I'm just sat here wishing I was wrong and he's not a sleeze bag, I can't avoid all occasions/events so something needs to be done I wish I could remove him from my social media, but then she would ask why.
ServerError
27-11-16, 19:58
He sounds like an unsavoury guy to me. He has no right to touch you on the hip or anywhere else. It's pretty easy to tell if somebody is putting a friendly hand on you in that way I suspect most of us do from time to time, or overstepping a boundary. The fact that he kept staring st you suggests to me that he's guys who really struggles to contain himself when he finds someone attractive.
I'm betting your cousin's happiness is based on the fact that she's found this guy at a certain time in her life who projects a certain outward character. But he clearly has boundary issues at the very least. She deserves to know that he's got this side to him.
He sounds like an unsavoury guy to me. He has no right to touch you on the hip or anywhere else. It's pretty easy to tell if somebody is putting a friendly hand on you in that way I suspect most of us do from time to time, or overstepping a boundary. The fact that he kept staring st you suggests to me that he's guys who really struggles to contain himself when he finds someone attractive.
I'm betting your cousin's happiness is based on the fact that she's found this guy at a certain time in her life who projects a certain outward character. But he clearly has boundary issues at the very least. She deserves to know that he's got this side to him.
Yes exactly it was most definitely not an innocent touch as you pass someone, because there was no need to touch me at all and especially not on the hip.
I just hope she isn't blinded by him. I have no choice but to address it, most definitely if he acts the same way again but it's not something I'm looking forward to :weep:
MyNameIsTerry
28-11-16, 05:35
What would you want if the situation was reversed? Would you want your cousin to tell you? Or would you want her to put your BF in his place and conceal it from you to preserve your feelings?
The trouble with the latter can be that he just pursues other women, without you knowing, your cousin finds that out and then this may come back to bite you in the arse when she starts questioning whether it was a warning sign that may prevent greater hurt later. There are a whole lot of may and could's in there.
And what about your BF? Would be want to know of what happened? How would he view it if you didn't tell him and it came out later?
He obviously still thinks he's in with a chance so that needs stopping now. Not stopping it now may appear bad later too, if you get what I mean? The touching could be the booze but with him looking at you from the start of the night, before being drunk, it sounds likely he has been thinking of you before too. Maybe he is getting bored in the relationship?
He either needs one of these http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/violence/vio16.gif or http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/violence/vio09.gif or even http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/violence/vi028.gif
What would you want if the situation was reversed? Would you want your cousin to tell you? Or would you want her to put your BF in his place and conceal it from you to preserve your feelings?
The trouble with the latter can be that he just pursues other women, without you knowing, your cousin finds that out and then this may come back to bite you in the arse when she starts questioning whether it was a warning sign that may prevent greater hurt later. There are a whole lot of may and could's in there.
And what about your BF? Would be want to know of what happened? How would he view it if you didn't tell him and it came out later?
He obviously still thinks he's in with a chance so that needs stopping now. Not stopping it now may appear bad later too, if you get what I mean? The touching could be the booze but with him looking at you from the start of the night, before being drunk, it sounds likely he has been thinking of you before too. Maybe he is getting bored in the relationship?
He either needs one of these http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/violence/vio16.gif or http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/violence/vio09.gif or even http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/violence/vi028.gif
Oh gosh thanks Terry you've made me even more concerned haha! You are right though. I've not told my partner, it would have been different if he actually made a move but I suppose he should still know.
I want to tell her but I really don't know how to, but I need to the more I think about it i realise how inappropriate he was.
I told her. She hadnt even noticed the social media thing as she rarely uses it but has had a look through now.
Sadly it seems like I was right about him, she opened up and told me that she had found him sending messages to another woman earlier this year.
As I feared he is clearly a slimeball and using her as she is the nicest person you'll ever meet :weep:
ServerError
28-11-16, 23:03
How are things between you and her since you told her?
How are things between you and her since you told her?
Fine it was really awkward having to tell her that I was worried she might get defensive but she was upset which is obviously understandable, just want to help her now and kick him in the balls but I'll leave that for another time!
MyNameIsTerry
29-11-16, 08:41
He's going to get http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/agressive/t0140.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-agressive.php)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/agressive/t0147.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-agressive.php?page=2)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/religion/t0821.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-religion.php)
(that's not a rude spit roast :roflmao:)
You did the right thing, Katie. It's going to hurt her but it's better she knows what he's like now rather than years in with marriage and kids. At least she can have a clean break with the most being the tenancy stuff and rent to sort out. That's if she decides to give him the sack.
He's seems pretty stupid, trying it on with her cousin after already getting found out before. There could be others or at least there probably would be after you.
That's if she decides to give him the sack.
Thats what worries me. :doh:
MyNameIsTerry
29-11-16, 09:28
Not really much anyone can do than be honest with them and if they don't want the same, other than support it's either walk away or hold things in. She needs to know she is worth more and that she can get better for herself.
Failing that, I'm available for honey trapping...
https://www.askideas.com/media/35/Man-In-Weird-Lady-Dress-Funny-Image-For-Whatsapp.jpg
...:yesyes:
:roflmao:
You come up with some beauties Terry.:D.
MyNameIsTerry
29-11-16, 10:20
What's everyone laughing for, I don't know I post a pic of myself and...:winks:
Glad it's cheered you up, Karina! :yesyes:
That actually looks scarily like my dad. Without the skirt, and a little less make up.
MyNameIsTerry
29-11-16, 10:29
That actually looks scarily like my dad. Without the skirt, and a little less make up.
Oops, Google Images has been known to catch a few people out...:winks:
Oops, Google Images has been known to catch a few people out...:winks:
I'll have a word. :roflmao:
Yes it did put a smile on my face Terry,for a minute I thought....umm
maybe it was you.:D.
Lovely legs Terry I must say :winks:
MyNameIsTerry
29-11-16, 10:38
Thank you. Need a wax though. You can't see the pink thong. :roflmao:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/attachment.php?attachmentid=2867&stc=1&d=1480419097
Scored :yesyes:
MyNameIsTerry
29-11-16, 11:43
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/attachment.php?attachmentid=2867&stc=1&d=1480419097
Scored :yesyes:
:ohmy::ohmy::ohmy:
I knew I shouldn't put my pic online...it's a magnet. :winks:
Anyway, I've already put an order in for my Pilipino young lady, nurses outfit included...:whistles:
Ahem you Guys crack me up LOL It's good to have a laugh ;) Katiepink I have had a good read through your thread till I got distracted by mynameisterry pic I do hope it's resolved now and your cousin has ditched this horrible user now all you need to do is be there for your cousin :) X
MyNameIsTerry
29-11-16, 14:07
Ahem you Guys crack me up LOL It's good to have a laugh ;) Katiepink I have had a good read through your thread till I got distracted by mynameisterry pic I do hope it's resolved now and your cousin has ditched this horrible user now all you need to do is be there for your cousin :) X
Just your username appearing on this thread after the last page of posts, is giving me a laugh mate! :roflmao:
I thought that too. Frankie would definitely be interested!
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.