View Full Version : Hard lymph node and hard lump in throat :(
I am literally going through one of the worst panic attacks I think I had, ever. The sheer amount of panic I'm in right now is absolutely not funny :weep: I will not post in my previous gigantic thread about my lymph nodes - I think this case deserves it's own corner.
I've literally only slept 2 hours today, went to work, and now I can't sleep no matter how tired I am - my brain's on overdrive and it's sent my bladder there too!
Anyways - underneath the corner of my jaw I have what I suspect is yet another swollen lymph node. I'm aware of it for at least 2 months. It's an odd shape and unlike my other nodes, it's HARD and it doesn't MOVE :sad: Can you see where I'm going with this?
Now, you see, I thought it may be a bit harder because maybe it's a shotty (...even though the weird shape denies that), and doesn't move because it's in the middle of overlapping muscles/ligaments/whatever. That seemed sensible because you can barely find it when I am standing up right with my head straight - coincidentally, that's how GPs look for your lymph nodes, so that's why mine didn't feel anything! But if I lay on my side propped up, or if I drop my head downwards and sideways - it is deeeefinitely there. It's a very elongated shape and to me it feels like it's attached from either the bottom or just below the ear. Before today, it felt like it was maybe 1cm, less maybe.
The "great" idea I had that sent me spiraling into massive non ending panic attacks? My brain went "genius" and said hey, why don't we make sure it doesn't extend the opposite way? So I looked in the mirror, my throat seems fine, and considering I've been to the dentist recently, surely they would notice something, right? Not if it's deeper :( Imagine where your bottom wisdom tooth grows and go down diagonally around half your index finger's length - boom there's a hard lump there. It matched the position of the outer one. I don't know whether it's a different lump there or an inner portion of the lymph node, but I am FREAKING.THE.HECK.OUT. So the 1cm lump I thought I had is probably way bigger than that. :weep: So this is either lymphoma, throat cancer or tonsil cancer :sad: Or a sarcoma, as I've just found similar stories. Fantastic. I don't know what to do :weep:
The GP's not listening. When I first got an appointment about this node, I had already given it a 6 week watch list. The doctor said he'll see me in another 6 weeks (even though he didn't feel the node I told him about), so that's in more than 2 weeks time from now.
I don't have pain swallowing, apart from my throat killing me now because of my own 'explorations', but recently I did develop pain in my left ear when I yawn. Sometimes it jumps to the right but pretty much always on the left. Around a week ago or less I did have some slight gum pain in one spot above my wisdom tooth, but I am 100% sure that has nothing to do with these lumps. I tried checking whether my right side is the same, but the tonsil 'geography' is completely different there. I still have constant post nasal drip which started before my lymph nodes went haywire.
I'm reaching out to this forum as I've literally no idea what to do :weep:
Edit: I also don't know how to control my OCD and NOT check the lump I found in my throat. I've developed a routine of checking my lymph nodes, but lymph nodes don't cause gagging :(
I just woke up from a long night's sleep, and decided to see what my throat looks like. Well, where the bump is, there's a white patch :( And no it's not a tonsil stone because it's not as deep and it doesn't come off! Looked it up, and it sounds like at least a pre cancerous state :weep: I don't know what to do, I'm literally shaking :weep:
How are you feeling today?
I have very enlarged lymph nodes including a 3cm supraclavicular lymph node in my collar bone. I have one coming from under my ear down to the middle of my throat. It's like an eclair shape and is always swollen. I have very noticeable ones on either side of my neck and in the back of my head.
I had a CT scan and all of my nodes are up constantly but there's no sign of cancer or infection. Everyone is different some people have very palpable noticeable nodes. Some that are wobbly or fixed and don't move. Some that are sore or painless.
I would keep on at your GP for your own peace of mind. I'm sure if you were referred you would see that they are nothing to worry about and can relax about them.
Demand to be referred for a second opinion to give you the answers you need. Worrying about them constantly is horrible. Keep me updated.
Sparkling_Fairy
28-11-16, 21:00
Is it not just your Hyoid bone?
I can't tell very well from your explanation where it is, but you hyoid bone has two protruding lumps on either side of your neck. And it's pretty much right below your jaw.
Google it and see if it fits the location. A lot of people first freak out when they feel it. And they would be hard lumps because it's a bone.
I'm doing slightly better today, definitely not panic attack level, but the looming doom is still there. Called up the surgery yesterday for a telephone consultation because I thought asking for an emergency appointment is a bit too much, but they offered me a slot anyway, so I accepted. Had a chat with the doc, again the same cycle of them not thinking there's anything significantly wrong with me yada yada. Sadly, they could barely feel the suspected lymph node, because darn all the muscles that cover it up! Anyway, pointed out the white patch I was talking about, at first they couldn't really see it but then they said that's just discolouration. Personally, I'm not happy with that answer, cause that's definitely a bit more than just discolouration :( Well I still have an appointment in 2 weeks time, maybe they'll say something else then...In the meanwhile I got a prescription of new anti-Ds. I really don't want to be on them, but maybe I should try again.
Katiex, how did all of those nodes get swollen in the first place anyway? Were they always like that or did they just pop up for no reason? I do have a collarbone node, but I think that was my own fault for persistently looking for one...Tell you what if it was 3cm in size I would definitely have a panic attack over it, every single day. How accurate are CT scans with stuff like lymph cancers anyway? I heard biopsies are the only sure way to go, but there's no way I could get one for peace of mind. I'm lucky if I get an ultrasound referral. And that only takes your mind off of things for maybe a couple of days - then it's back to square one. I did have my whole neck US'ed earlier this year I think, and I was sort of ok with it until this new different lump appeared :sad:
Sparkling_Fairy, not, it's definitely not the bone, buuuut I have actually freaked out over it in the past, thinking it's something horrendous. But my mind eased when I found the same feeling on the other side. My outer lump is sort of under the ear/jawbone - draw a line from the bottom of your ear and feel your jawbone starts making a turn downwards - in that dip, there's a hard lump. And from the inside, if you draw a line from your bottom wisdom tooth diagonally inwards toward your tonsils, that's where I feel a hard lump as well. I think these two positions are VERY close to each other, so I don't know whether I'm feeling different parts of the same thing or maybe two different things. But the inner lump is still freaking me out, because there's nothing like that on the other side, mind you tonsils don't feel symmetrical anyway? I might have had this FOREVER for all I know, but my mind is screaming cancer at me, especially with the white patch :sad:
I just did a bit more research and my outer lump location coincides with parotid gland tumors. I am super terrified now. I now regret that my dentist didn't xray my whole mouth, just the right side of it. I don't know what to do with myself :weep:
I have psoriasis on my scalp and 12 years ago it became infected and my glands came up and have never gone down. Sometimes they get smaller but they never go away completely sometimes they get bigger. Theyre very noticable but theyve been checked numerous times and nothing worrying.
With regards to your parotid gland does this swell up when eating? Does it hurt at all? My mum had problems with her parotid gland and it turned out there was a saliva stone stuck in it causing it to swell. It made its own way out.
Sparkling_Fairy
30-11-16, 21:34
Please stop Googling, you'll only make it worse.
Get a second opinion if you're that worried about it and if they say the same, let that put your mind at rest.
Katiex, you see, you have a clear explanation for your lymph nodes. I don't technically have an explanation for mine, apart from me being pretty sure my mold-filled ex dwelling messed up my health real bad, especially my lymphatic system. There's IS no other explanation, but doctors are dismissing that, so cancer is literally the only other explanation in my head. Mine have been up for a year now, in a multitude of places, and they don't go up or down. They popped up and they are there. And new ones coming in :(
Nothing seems to change while eating. As I said, I'm not sure what part I should be referring to.
I'm now really not sure whether I have two lumps or one in this location. Because when checking from inside the mouth, the lump seems pretty small, maybe pinhead size, but when I sort of turn my head downwards to the left, the lump is actually like a very big chickpea, maybe even bigger. But I don't know whether this is revealing the whole inner lump or the whole single thing, as in it's the same big thing I'm feeling from the outside and the inside. Fact is it's hard and doesn't move. My head really doesn't believe this can be benign in any way :sad:
Sparkling Fairy, I have learned to google less, but my compulsive lump checking isn't helping. But what else am I supposed to do when doctors keep dismissing me? I just want a 100% answer that this is in no way shape or form cancerous, but I know and they know blood tests alone can't prove anything. And even though I had an ultrasound done, this new stuff wasn't there at the time :sad: I don't want to die simply because doctors thought it was all in my head :weep:
Update: I think the white patch might have potentially shrunk a little bit? At least that's how it looks like to me, but not holding my breath on it. All lumps still where they were, hard as they were as well :sad: And there's a hard little lump behind the 'flap' of the tonsil now - I have no idea what's going on :weep: I'm horrified and I literally have no one to talk to about this :sad:
Sparkling_Fairy
04-12-16, 21:29
Sparkling Fairy, I have learned to google less, but my compulsive lump checking isn't helping. But what else am I supposed to do when doctors keep dismissing me? I just want a 100% answer that this is in no way shape or form cancerous, but I know and they know blood tests alone can't prove anything. And even though I had an ultrasound done, this new stuff wasn't there at the time :sad: I don't want to die simply because doctors thought it was all in my head :weep:
They're not dismissing you though, that's the point!
Doctors will never fob you off if they weren't sure. They don't want to get lawsuits for negligence so they will always refer you for further tests, if they thought there was even the slightest possibility something was wrong.
Blood tests do tell you a lot, and you've also had an ultrasound done.
As I said: if you're that concerned, get a 2nd opinion and go to a doctor you've never been to before. And if they also tell you it's nothing, then please believe that!
They're not dismissing you though, that's the point!
Doctors will never fob you off if they weren't sure. They don't want to get lawsuits for negligence so they will always refer you for further tests, if they thought there was even the slightest possibility something was wrong.
Blood tests do tell you a lot, and you've also had an ultrasound done.
As I said: if you're that concerned, get a 2nd opinion and go to a doctor you've never been to before. And if they also tell you it's nothing, then please believe that!
Glazed Owl has been there done that. A second opinion would actually be a 3rd or more since this fear started. This is a pure case of anxiety/HA disorder. In the 15 months since this obsession began, along with the age factor and the plethora of medical professionals dismissing this, it's a case of pure HA and nothing more.
The most positive recommendation would be to seek professional mental health help. Nothing we an say in this medium will make a difference.
Positive thoughts
They're not dismissing you though, that's the point!
Doctors will never fob you off if they weren't sure. They don't want to get lawsuits for negligence so they will always refer you for further tests, if they thought there was even the slightest possibility something was wrong.
Blood tests do tell you a lot, and you've also had an ultrasound done.
As I said: if you're that concerned, get a 2nd opinion and go to a doctor you've never been to before. And if they also tell you it's nothing, then please believe that!
You know, that's what I used to try and tell myself. But how can they be so sure? Yes general doctors have extensive knowledge, but nowhere near the extent of specialists of a certain area. Only ONE GP out of several answered positively when I told them that blood tests don't always show signs of lymphoma. I spoke to a relative of mine who lives abroad on the subject, and he said that docs in that country don't even dare tell you that you may or may not have something, they simply send you to the appropriate specialist who knows a bit more.
Yep, ultrasound was done, but the problem is that it was done a while ago now - meaning these new lumps weren't there to begin with, so how'd they see them if they're not there? And again, these new ones are absolutely different from the other ones. And considering they are hard and immobile, well that doesn't ring benign in any way shape or form to be honest, health anxiety or not! And on top of that, the lumps are in close proximity of each other, and I have pain in my ear on that side as well. Mind you, I'm really hoping the ear pain is just winter related.
Glazed Owl has been there done that. A second opinion would actually be a 3rd or more since this fear started. This is a pure case of anxiety/HA disorder. In the 15 months since this obsession began, along with the age factor and the plethora of medical professionals dismissing this, it's a case of pure HA and nothing more.
The most positive recommendation would be to seek professional mental health help. Nothing we an say in this medium will make a difference.
Positive thoughts
Trust me, I am not doing this for fun or attention. If anyone thinks I love waking up in the morning with an already anxious mind, well then they've lost a marble or two. Let's be honest, I'd be really happy if I ONLY had a bout of heart palpitations and tingly muscles. But my anxiety's built on actual.physical.MASSES that are not supposed to be there! One of my parents' cancer was found by PURE LUCK and it showed NO SYMPTOMS, and now I have a past friend diagnosed with lymph cancer, and them ignoring the symptoms didn't help either.
Am I worrying excessively? Oh yes. But am I worrying for no reason? No. If I didn't have something to worry about I wouldn't. I have new unexplained things going on and doctors aren't giving even a slight pinch of explanation. As I literally have no one to talk to about this and I want to stay as far from google as possible (I'm doing better now, but still have weak days), I rely on a forum like this to keep me a little bit saner. And I've decided to go back to anti depressants even if I really don't want to take them - maybe these new ones will help me out. Doubtful but at this point I will give it a shot.
All I'm asking for is some support, because that's not so easy to find, especially when people think the 'it's all in your head' argument will miraculously make a person not worry whatever they are worrying about :sad:
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