vanxious
30-11-16, 18:49
Hello,
It's been a while since i post something here, my life is going great, i've been pretty amused and relaxed most of the time. But now, there's this:
I've been a lonely man for the last couple of years. Not because i didn't find anyone to share my life with, but because i didn't let any girl in. Now, i've lowered my guard and there is this girl. we've been together for 4 months know, but i've been dealing with this very confusing and upseting feelings;
In the begining eveything was great. She is nice, we go along just fine. But, as time goes by and she is more and more in my life, i'm feeling really bad inside, anxious, nervous. And, in part, i know why. She is absolutely amazing, but she sometimes does have an (ugly) bad temper. Adding to that, she is somewhat insecure about her relationships, and that leads to some - not so good - episodes where she acuses me of doing things that, trust me on this, i didn't. I'm just here trying to be a good guy, a good man, a good boyfriend, but every now and then, she picks something and make a fuzz about it. I've showed her every time that she was wrong, and we moved along, but, being myself an insecure man, i started living with this fear that anytime, anywhere, she will get mad to me again without any reason. And i'm on the very edge of my limit, because of the nerves. My skin got oily and full of acne, i don't eat very well, i cry easily and, damn it, it's even hard to me to get aroused, lately.
You are probably saying at this time: "do you really like her? Why don't you dump her?". Well, i didn't break up with her yet because i like her. But do i love her? Ok, that is a question that i've been asking myself, along with a bunch of other questions, because... yes, i might be overthinking here. I'm trying to be very pragmatic, but i'm confused. Why am i so anxious and nervous lately? In my perspective, this might be due to some (or all) of this reasons:
I'm so nervous and stressed because:
- I'm used to live on my own, and knowing that somehow my space (my confort bubble!) is not anymore just mine is scaring me;
- Afterall i don't like her that much and i'm picking every escuse to bail out;
- I'm no longer used to be in a relationship and this is scaring the hell out of me, because... oh well, my fathers are divorced, i know a ton of "ex" couples and i sometimes question the existence of real love;
I really don't know. I almost break up with her yesterday. I was really tired, really falling on the ground because i honestly don't know what else can i do so she can trust me and we both can build a life together.
We are going to London this weekend on holidays. I will try to enjoy the most of it with her, let's see how it goes. Again, she is great and i know we had a lot of great moments since we started dating. But i'm living in constant fear, i'm not being myself, i'm not being the guy i know i am because of this, and i'm relating everything to my anxiety and insecurity.
Does any of this makes sense?
Thanks.
It's been a while since i post something here, my life is going great, i've been pretty amused and relaxed most of the time. But now, there's this:
I've been a lonely man for the last couple of years. Not because i didn't find anyone to share my life with, but because i didn't let any girl in. Now, i've lowered my guard and there is this girl. we've been together for 4 months know, but i've been dealing with this very confusing and upseting feelings;
In the begining eveything was great. She is nice, we go along just fine. But, as time goes by and she is more and more in my life, i'm feeling really bad inside, anxious, nervous. And, in part, i know why. She is absolutely amazing, but she sometimes does have an (ugly) bad temper. Adding to that, she is somewhat insecure about her relationships, and that leads to some - not so good - episodes where she acuses me of doing things that, trust me on this, i didn't. I'm just here trying to be a good guy, a good man, a good boyfriend, but every now and then, she picks something and make a fuzz about it. I've showed her every time that she was wrong, and we moved along, but, being myself an insecure man, i started living with this fear that anytime, anywhere, she will get mad to me again without any reason. And i'm on the very edge of my limit, because of the nerves. My skin got oily and full of acne, i don't eat very well, i cry easily and, damn it, it's even hard to me to get aroused, lately.
You are probably saying at this time: "do you really like her? Why don't you dump her?". Well, i didn't break up with her yet because i like her. But do i love her? Ok, that is a question that i've been asking myself, along with a bunch of other questions, because... yes, i might be overthinking here. I'm trying to be very pragmatic, but i'm confused. Why am i so anxious and nervous lately? In my perspective, this might be due to some (or all) of this reasons:
I'm so nervous and stressed because:
- I'm used to live on my own, and knowing that somehow my space (my confort bubble!) is not anymore just mine is scaring me;
- Afterall i don't like her that much and i'm picking every escuse to bail out;
- I'm no longer used to be in a relationship and this is scaring the hell out of me, because... oh well, my fathers are divorced, i know a ton of "ex" couples and i sometimes question the existence of real love;
I really don't know. I almost break up with her yesterday. I was really tired, really falling on the ground because i honestly don't know what else can i do so she can trust me and we both can build a life together.
We are going to London this weekend on holidays. I will try to enjoy the most of it with her, let's see how it goes. Again, she is great and i know we had a lot of great moments since we started dating. But i'm living in constant fear, i'm not being myself, i'm not being the guy i know i am because of this, and i'm relating everything to my anxiety and insecurity.
Does any of this makes sense?
Thanks.