Horrifying news hits family and my HA hit skyrocket

[paranoid-viking]

I dont know what to say....
I feel no both sad, empathy to the relative and her closest one and guilt over how I am fearing things myself but also how my HA anxiety is at an all time hig level.
As you may know I have for months now been fearing something is wrong with my pancreas and at worst pancreatic cancer. Well, the very sad and horryfying news came in today that a close relative of mine, so close that you may also call it family(note: not parents or siblings)have detected a tumour in the pancreas. My face freezed in horror when they broke the news to me. So far, of course, a tumour, and I know that ocasionally a tumour in the pancreas is not cancerous but how common is that. Further tests will reveal what it is next week. I am sitting here with a mix of sadness for the family, my relative, fear that it may be the worst and then also guilt that my HA that has improved lately now is reaching an all time skyrocket high level. I mean; a few months ago I did not now that pancreatic cancer exited at all; after I learnt about it got obsessive with googling it. And now, in the most frightening autumn of my life comes the news that a close relative may be a victim. In the past I never knew anyone with that ilness, and now it may be in near family. My discomfort under ribs worsens as I hear it; same with the back pain and most of all side pain. I am thinking that the same gene pool means that I will be next if she is first. I know; I am feeling guilty of being scared for myself as I rationally should worry only ablout my relative and the closest one. I DO THAT TOO, but having the fears I have is not something to snap out of and I sit here with this conflicting feeling and my HA is most definetily back and feels worse than in a long time. Tears are rolling down my eyes, both for the family but also for my worst fears.

---------- Post added 01-12-16 at 00:18 ---------- Previous post was 30-11-16 at 22:37 ----------

Also: my BMI is alarmingly high. 35; what is above the risk for dangrous and deadly ilnesses like....pancreatic cancer. I read that overweight is a risk for PC in young age but can not find that IBS is not although I look desperately for evidences of that.
I have thought for years I am to overweight but have lacked the motivation to really loose weight and now I fear it is too late. I am in a deep deep mental hole now.
And - I do think of the family of course and the realtive. But my emotion is now a disaster area. Everything points to the deep dark hole. Inside I am screaming.
What can I do?

---------- Post added at 01:01 ---------- Previous post was at 00:18 ----------

Nothing? No one? Please; I need to hear from someone. This is horror of horrors. Suddendly the fear that previously was conceived between me and google search has reached my family reality.

[nomorepanic]

Sorry to hear this news but I am not sure what else to say really. It does not mean you are going to get it and nothing is fully confirmed as yet.

Just because a relative gets something it doesn't mean you will and as you say they are not directly related to you as in parents or siblings.

[paranoid-viking]

Sorry to hear this news but I am not sure what else to say really. It does not mean you are going to get it and nothing is fully confirmed as yet.

Just because a relative gets something it doesn't mean you will and as you say they are not directly related to you as in parents or siblings.

Thanks. I just think....one year ago when my HA was not even near the level it is now I may not have related it to myself as I had not been crazingly googling about this but of course I would have felt shocked about hearing about it but perhaps or probably also being more ignorant as I by that time had not heard about pancreatic cancer and may have thought that it was less bad than what I know now which of course makes me worry even more about my relative. Most people dont even knows about pan can and does not know it is the worst of cancers. Because of my previous paranoid googling about this I may even be the only one in the family who knows how dangerous this particular cancer is.
Of course we all hope that this tumour is not a cancer tumour as there are tumours that are not cancerous, even those tumours found on the pancreas. I will pray for it not to be cancerous.

[axolotl]

I'm really sorry this has happened to someone in your family, and I hope everything turns out as well as it can. While the focus of attention should of course be on the person going through this, I also know from previous posts how this specific fear has engulfed you and it's a cruel coincidence that it's now happened so close to home, so I appreciate it's going to be hard for you.

Please try and keep the logical part of your brain at the forefront as much as you can - it is a coincidence. A cruel one, but a random event with no meaning to you personally. A quick search tells me genetic factors only affect a very very small percentage of cases (of something that's very rare to start with), and from what you say I'm presuming this isn't a close relative genetically speaking anyway.

Whatever happens in your relative's situation, it has no bearing on your chances, or makes your personal fears any less irrational.

Best wishes to your family at a difficult time.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Very sorry to hear about your relative. It's no surprise you will be triggered by such an occurrence, let alone the one thing your anxiety has a massive focus on anyway. Once you reach a good point in recovery, you will handle things like this better but for now it's a massive spike and as said above, try to keep rational about this. The anxiety is going to be there.

You will cope with your relative, there are stronger attributes in us than our fear. It may be very hard but you will do what is necessary for them.

Lets all hope it's good news very soon.

[paranoid-viking]

Thank you all for the support.
I just feel total darkness around me now. And now I really feel the muscles on the stomach under my ribs are poking; it feels worse than yesterday. I feel uncomfortable when starting to sleep at night. Is this due to my hyper anxiety? Can anxiety cause pain around the ribs and the sides? Not extreme pain, but discomfort.
I am so scared. I want to start loosing weight, reaching healthy BMI level but fear now it is too late; that I should have thought of that earlier and that there is no way back.
I have been eating and enjoying food and sweets too much, and enjoyed drinking alcohol too much as well. No I fear that I have done it.

[MyNameIsTerry]

It's never to late to improve your health and reduce the risk factors you are worrying about. And remember, BMI isn't very accurate as it's based on population averages from decades ago. If you lift weights you can easily find yourself showing up as overweight or even obese because it only looks at weight & height.

[paranoid-viking]

It's never to late to improve your health and reduce the risk factors you are worrying about. And remember, BMI isn't very accurate as it's based on population averages from decades ago. If you lift weights you can easily find yourself showing up as overweight or even obese because it only looks at weight & height.


Well, if I have terminal cancer it IS too late. And hopefully I dont. And I am starting today. Too bad this is the month of modern unhealthy food and drink orgies.

[randomforeigner]

I have positive experience from the Weight Watchers, have been a member three times in the past. (They run separate men-only classes for you guys who find it disturbing to join the general classes which tend to be dominated by slim but formerly overweight ladies). Nowadays I'm actually more of a Michael Mosley fan (the British doctor).

[paranoid-viking]

Just to mention one thing: the tumour was seen on abdomonal ultrasound. If anyone distrust docs and the health system reads this; I mean does who demands second opinions and doctor shopping because such tests could not find what their fear. No these people probably do not post here but they abound on the net, like those angry and hateful people that posts in the Daily Mails comment section and also some of the people posting on the Patient Online forum. I see such claim also on the UK awareness campaign site and encouragement to distrust the health service. I say the docs are absolutely doing their jobs - at least in this country.

[Fishmanpa]

I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with this news. I know full well all about things like this.

That being said, it's not happening to YOU! What's happening is a severe increase in your anxiety due to the circumstances resulting in physical symptoms. I don't doubt you're feeling them, they're just not sinister.

Over the last three months due to my situation, I can tell you flat out that I've had physical symptoms of stress/anxiety. The issues I deal with from my cancer side effects were amplified and I also had many others on the symptoms list. I knew what they were and just tried to remain as calm and relaxed as I could (not always succeeding but eh... wadda ya gonna do?).

As stated by others, you can start taking care of yourself both physically and mentally and reap the benefits. There's no one stopping you from doing so go for it!

Positive thoughts

[Kathryn313]

The only thing I would like to add is that PC is not the worst cancer, in my opinion the worse cancer is any that results in a limited prognosis and that could be any of them. It's all pretty rubbish.

That said, I am sorry to hear about your relative.x

[paranoid-viking]

The only thing I would like to add is that PC is not the worst cancer, in my opinion the worse cancer is any that results in a limited prognosis and that could be any of them. It's all pretty rubbish.

That said, I am sorry to hear about your relative.x


I wish I could agree with yiu but i cant. The statistics dont lie. Bladder cancer for example has an overwhelmengly high survival rate; same as lymphonia. Most victims survive. But with pan can;.....it is terrible facts, considering it is my close relative, but less than 5% of the victims survive. It is not for nothing that pan can victims in the UK were stating on posters some years ago that they "wished" they had brast cancer or testicular cancer instead although that was a mean insult to the victims and families of victims of those particular cancers but I understand the message; that the chances of survival would be higher.

But, at the end of it....they saw a tumour. A tumour is not always cancer; it cud be a cyste for example. And; if it is cancer but has not mestastised it is still hope for many more years. Nothing is definite of course; except that the AUS saw a tumour. But tumour does not always equals cancer and I am praying it is not.

[MyNameIsTerry]

And a tumour doesn't have to be cancerous either. My GF went in for an ultrasound on what her GP thought was kidney stones and they spotted a tumour instead so she was referred to a consultant quickly. He said he had an idea of what it was and performed more tests. He concluded it was a tumour she was most likely to have been born with that had grown but was now constricting one of her ovaries hence the pain that resembled kidney stones.

She was 39! He said that people with them can live their whole lives without ever knowing unless they start to cause pain due to impacting on something else at which point they remove them. He said otherwise if they discovered one, they wouldn't bother.

So, the mindset you are employing is the best policy. Your anxiety is going to try to make you obsess & panic and part of it's tricks are skewed thinking patterns and the more you concentrate on things correctly, as you are doing, the less the impact on you.

I take it this discovery was due to something else? So, doesn't that mean it may be absolutely nothing and they are just quite rightly being cautious about finding it? If PC has such a low success rate I'm guessing it means symptoms mean it's too late in most cases or all cases? In that basis even if it was this, wouldn't it mean the absence of symptoms means they have a better chance?

[paranoid-viking]

And a tumour doesn't have to be cancerous either. My GF went in for an ultrasound on what her GP thought was kidney stones and they spotted a tumour instead so she was referred to a consultant quickly. He said he had an idea of what it was and performed more tests. He concluded it was a tumour she was most likely to have been born with that had grown but was now constricting one of her ovaries hence the pain that resembled kidney stones.

She was 39! He said that people with them can live their whole lives without ever knowing unless they start to cause pain due to impacting on something else at which point they remove them. He said otherwise if they discovered one, they wouldn't bother.

So, the mindset you are employing is the best policy. Your anxiety is going to try to make you obsess & panic and part of it's tricks are skewed thinking patterns and the more you concentrate on things correctly, as you are doing, the less the impact on you.

I take it this discovery was due to something else? So, doesn't that mean it may be absolutely nothing and they are just quite rightly being cautious about finding it? If PC has such a low success rate I'm guessing it means symptoms mean it's too late in most cases or all cases? In that basis even if it was this, wouldn't it mean the absence of symptoms means they have a better chance?


Well, unfortunately there has been symptoms which led to the ultrasound. Nausea and indigestion as well as distrubring blood test result. But again, these may be caused by other things than cancer. The CT will reveal what it is. I dont know; since it is seen on the pancreas, it could suggest it is chronic pancreatitis? I dont know; I know too little. I pray of course that it is not cancer.

Another thing: if it is indeed cancer would the ultrasound have seen something to suggest if it has spread to other organs? I mean, if the other organs are fine on the ultrasound they are not affected by any potential cancer?
If it indeed is pancreatic cancer but it has yet to metastise, one has a chance at least for treatment that may prevent an all too early death but even then it is complicated.

[MyNameIsTerry]

By symptoms, I meant symptoms of PC. Are they? Or are we talking about symptoms of something else which meant an ultrasound that picked up another possible avenue of interest to a doctor?

If an ultrasound shows a mass and they don't know what it is, they will just conduct more tests because they want to ensure that mass isn't something bad. That's just basic doctoring to me, why ignore something that may be an issue later?

Going back to your original point over it being too late, why is it too late? It's only too late if you have what you fear but you know than probably all, at least most of us on here, how by now you would be extremely ill if you did have that.

If it's too late, it's like saying there is little point stopping smoking.

You never know what is around the corner. You could get run over tomorrow for all you know so you could argue there is never a point in changing your lifestyle. Or you could cut down your risk factors for many things and I don't just mean cancer. Exercise too, have a healthy heart & lungs, it's not just about weight.

[paranoid-viking]

By symptoms, I meant symptoms of PC. Are they? Or are we talking about symptoms of something else which meant an ultrasound that picked up another possible avenue of interest to a doctor?

If an ultrasound shows a mass and they don't know what it is, they will just conduct more tests because they want to ensure that mass isn't something bad. That's just basic doctoring to me, why ignore something that may be an issue later?

Going back to your original point over it being too late, why is it too late? It's only too late if you have what you fear but you know than probably all, at least most of us on here, how by now you would be extremely ill if you did have that.

If it's too late, it's like saying there is little point stopping smoking.

You never know what is around the corner. You could get run over tomorrow for all you know so you could argue there is never a point in changing your lifestyle. Or you could cut down your risk factors for many things and I don't just mean cancer. Exercise too, have a healthy heart & lungs, it's not just about weight.

Indigestion and nausea are among the first symptoms of PC, yes, unfortunately. But the more positive fact is that these are symptoms of other conditions that are fare less dangerous and far more common. And then it was the blood results, but I dont know in details what they showed. But since they detected something on the pancreas it could be pancreatitis; either mild acute or chronic.

Anyway, I feel more calm now than the day I recieved the horryfying news. The one that really are suffering now is my relative of course and her closest ones.

[paranoid-viking]

Very good news came into my mobile phone on SMS today. It was not a cancerous tumour, it was a cyste. Not cancer.:)

[Kathryn313]

Great news.

[unsure_about_this]

good news

[Leslie735]

WONDERFUL news!!!!!!!! :yesyes::yahoo: Praise God!

[MyNameIsTerry]

That's excellent news! :yesyes::yahoo:

And what does this show you about worry and how things are not always as bad as we think? I know you were getting your head around that and to be there for your relative but this is more evidence to fight off fears in the future with.