Heart failure worries

[Perpetual]

I would say my anxiety/panic disorder is centered around heart failure fear. I got diagnosed in October 2014 with agoraphobia and an anxiety disorder. At that time I was afraid of getting a panic attack (which is still the case when I'm in public). But it slowly shifted from fear of panic, to fear of death.
I get many horrible symptoms from this, some bearable and some so bad I almost explode in anger, because I cannot take it anymore.
I have (extreme) fatigue, especially in my legs; I'm constantly slightly dizzy; sometimes (especially when walking) I get a feeling of flood through my body, accompanied with a hard heartbeat and immediate fear of death; I sometimes feel a heartbeat in my left leg, which sounds really strange; I keep prodding/pressing my left hip and (left side) stomach when anxious; I'm constantly on edge, though hardly ever get panic attacks anymore.
These symptoms have been a daily constant for almost two years. I have some symptons that I had far before becoming a prisoner of my own irrational fear. I've had chronic headaches for over 10 years, fatigue for almost the same time and hypnic jerk's the last four years.

I've been numerous times to my GP, but she is a hundred procent sure I have nothing. I understand the fact that if I've been having these symptoms for such a long time, it must be benign.
I've done some blood tests and a bicycle stress test, nothing more. The cardiologist said my heart looked just fine under stress and recovered perfectly.

But still, I can't function. When I have to be alone at home, I go out and sit beside the road where there is movement. I fear having an heart attack when nobody is around. This also makes sleep very difficult.

I've done therapies and tried medication (which I really did not like). I want to start again with yoga and maybe meditation.


Do some of you recognize the symptoms? (I've got many more, but I'm not mentioning those because they are classic anxiety)

[jonowalks]

I recognize all these symptoms!

I'm also concerned about my heart, sometimes to obsessive levels. Checking my pulse numerous times a day, doing my blood pressure lots, listening to my heartbeat sneakily when no one is looking and even putting things on my belly (I've got a bit of a gut) and watching them move with heartbeat.

I've been like this for about 3 or 4 years on and off but the last 9 or so months it's been constant and happens everyday. I too feel dizzy and unbalanced on my feet, I sleep terribly most nights and I dread going anywhere on my own "just in case" I have a heart attack and much prefer my wife being with me all the time.

The funny thing is that I went to the doctor last week for my cholesterol test results which were too high. I'm 37, I'm overweight, Im classified as a heavy smoker, I don't do much exercise and I have prehypertension and pre diabetes technically according to my readings. So the doctor did a Q risk test (don't know what these are called elsewhere) which calculates the chance of having a heart attack within the next 10 years and even how I am now (of course I've taken this as a warning sign and I'm taking steps to correct all of the above) I'm only coming in at a 6% chance which is quite low. I guess my point is that even if you have reason to worry it's still quite disproportionate to the "actual" risk. Yes, you could have a heart attack. Anyone could. But the chances of an undiagnosed and undetected heart defect that could kill you are still quite low. It's people like me who don't do anything about their lifestyle and then one day in their forties or fifties they just drop dead that need to be worried.

I know I'm terrified of that happening so I'm hoping my lifestyle changes will correct the things that make me anxious about my health. I don't know if it will but being worried about things happening is normal but worrying to obsessive and abnormal levels doesnt help anything (I wish I could tell myself this!) You're honestly not alone in having heart worries.

[Perpetual]

I recognize all these symptoms!

I'm also concerned about my heart, sometimes to obsessive levels. Checking my pulse numerous times a day, doing my blood pressure lots, listening to my heartbeat sneakily when no one is looking and even putting things on my belly (I've got a bit of a gut) and watching them move with heartbeat.

I've been like this for about 3 or 4 years on and off but the last 9 or so months it's been constant and happens everyday. I too feel dizzy and unbalanced on my feet, I sleep terribly most nights and I dread going anywhere on my own "just in case" I have a heart attack and much prefer my wife being with me all the time.

The funny thing is that I went to the doctor last week for my cholesterol test results which were too high. I'm 37, I'm overweight, Im classified as a heavy smoker, I don't do much exercise and I have prehypertension and pre diabetes technically according to my readings. So the doctor did a Q risk test (don't know what these are called elsewhere) which calculates the chance of having a heart attack within the next 10 years and even how I am now (of course I've taken this as a warning sign and I'm taking steps to correct all of the above) I'm only coming in at a 6% chance which is quite low. I guess my point is that even if you have reason to worry it's still quite disproportionate to the "actual" risk. Yes, you could have a heart attack. Anyone could. But the chances of an undiagnosed and undetected heart defect that could kill you are still quite low. It's people like me who don't do anything about their lifestyle and then one day in their forties or fifties they just drop dead that need to be worried.

I know I'm terrified of that happening so I'm hoping my lifestyle changes will correct the things that make me anxious about my health. I don't know if it will but being worried about things happening is normal but worrying to obsessive and abnormal levels doesnt help anything (I wish I could tell myself this!) You're honestly not alone in having heart worries.

Thanks for your message, really appreciate you writing all of this.

I understand where you're coming from. Having a heightened change of risk still is so low it's negligible. I have been a heavy smoker for almost 8 years, four of those also smoking weed daily. Never really done exercise. I immediately stopped smoking two years ago after I had my first full blown panic attack. Which is something I still can't take of my mind, I long for a cigarette, almost daily. It has been 26 months that I haven't smoked.. I fear I will go right back to smoking when my anxiety disorder is enough under control for me to function again. But I'm already planning something to counter that.

You can make the lifestyle changes you want. In a way, even though it's certainly not a good motivator, anxiety can help. I have tried at least ten times to stop smoking in the past, but I just couldn't. Anxiety made me stop cold turkey, immediately, albeit not being confronted with clubs, people smoking, beer, etc, does help a lot.

I guess we have to take really small steps and be proud of those small steps.

I hope you can find great comfort in your wife. If you ever need to vent a little, you can message me.
Thanks again!

[2Anxious]

I can relate to all of this. I literally could have written it myself, especially the dizziness. Although mine seems to come and go, or I'm just not noticing it when I'm less anxious.

It's hard but we have to believe it is just anxiety.

[Perpetual]

I can relate to all of this. I literally could have written it myself, especially the dizziness. Although mine seems to come and go, or I'm just not noticing it when I'm less anxious.

It's hard but we have to believe it is just anxiety.

Yes. I'm sure we're all glad it's nothing serious, but - even though I shouldn't say it - I sometimes really wanted it to be something tangleble, something visible for others.

Stay strong :)

[jonowalks]

Thanks for your message, really appreciate you writing all of this.

I understand where you're coming from. Having a heightened change of risk still is so low it's negligible. I have been a heavy smoker for almost 8 years, four of those also smoking weed daily. Never really done exercise. I immediately stopped smoking two years ago after I had my first full blown panic attack. Which is something I still can't take of my mind, I long for a cigarette, almost daily. It has been 26 months that I haven't smoked.. I fear I will go right back to smoking when my anxiety disorder is enough under control for me to function again. But I'm already planning something to counter that.

You can make the lifestyle changes you want. In a way, even though it's certainly not a good motivator, anxiety can help. I have tried at least ten times to stop smoking in the past, but I just couldn't. Anxiety made me stop cold turkey, immediately, albeit not being confronted with clubs, people smoking, beer, etc, does help a lot.

I guess we have to take really small steps and be proud of those small steps.

I hope you can find great comfort in your wife. If you ever need to vent a little, you can message me.
Thanks again!


You're more than welcome!

Unfortunately like most people with anxiety I'm great at giving other people very rational encouragement and advice but it falls on deaf ears when I try telling myself! Just tonight, literally as I'm typing this, I'm in the middle of another obsessive mental game of "make any physical symptom fit into a heart attack scenario" and having just been shopping I'm also in shock that I didn't drop dead while picking up some milk. Haha.

I think that's what hits hard about heart worries and health anxiety in general. It's not like fear of spiders or a fear of flying because it's a fear of the most inevitable and terrifying thing that humans will ever face.... Our own mortality. That's not to say fears and phobias are somehow lesser because people can be scared of anything and it can cause real troubles but I think heart concerns or cancer or MS boil down to the plain and simple fear that we all have of death. It's probably the only thing that everyone has in common. We're scared.

Now most people live their lives simply avoiding the subject, distracting themselves with Facebook, going for long walks or parachuting and then one day, hopefully when you're old and wise and with 20 grandchildren you'll go to sleep and pass away peacefully. But people with Health anxiety know what's coming and the capacity to turn off that fear like the majority of the human race is lost. Maybe it's personal loss, maybe someone close to you has died or maybe your life hasn't worked out how you were hoping and the realisation and the truth hits you hard and it's near impossible to go back to the days when you were going to live forever and nothing could ever harm you.

The key to curing the anxiety has got to be understanding and accepting that you were born and it's a mathematical certainty that you and the other 7.3 billion people in the world are going to die but maybe we just need to stop thinking that's it going to be today and trust our own judgement.

I wasn't directing that at the OP by the way, it was just something floating round in my head! Haha.

[Perpetual]

You're more than welcome!

Unfortunately like most people with anxiety I'm great at giving other people very rational encouragement and advice but it falls on deaf ears when I try telling myself! Just tonight, literally as I'm typing this, I'm in the middle of another obsessive mental game of "make any physical symptom fit into a heart attack scenario" and having just been shopping I'm also in shock that I didn't drop dead while picking up some milk. Haha.

I think that's what hits hard about heart worries and health anxiety in general. It's not like fear of spiders or a fear of flying because it's a fear of the most inevitable and terrifying thing that humans will ever face.... Our own mortality. That's not to say fears and phobias are somehow lesser because people can be scared of anything and it can cause real troubles but I think heart concerns or cancer or MS boil down to the plain and simple fear that we all have of death. It's probably the only thing that everyone has in common. We're scared.

Now most people live their lives simply avoiding the subject, distracting themselves with Facebook, going for long walks or parachuting and then one day, hopefully when you're old and wise and with 20 grandchildren you'll go to sleep and pass away peacefully. But people with Health anxiety know what's coming and the capacity to turn off that fear like the majority of the human race is lost. Maybe it's personal loss, maybe someone close to you has died or maybe your life hasn't worked out how you were hoping and the realisation and the truth hits you hard and it's near impossible to go back to the days when you were going to live forever and nothing could ever harm you.

The key to curing the anxiety has got to be understanding and accepting that you were born and it's a mathematical certainty that you and the other 7.3 billion people in the world are going to die but maybe we just need to stop thinking that's it going to be today and trust our own judgement.

I wasn't directing that at the OP by the way, it was just something floating round in my head! Haha.

That's absolutely right; most of us can give a good rational explanation to others that we ourselves fail to internalise.

I wouldn't say that people with health anxiety have it because of the knowledge of what is coming. We're simply obsessed about it. People can fear death, but that alone won't give you health anxiety. A good friend of mine broke his back on three places a few years ago. He had just gotten back one week from one year back packing and was hit by a car. Stayed a month in the hospital, but already at that point he was way ahead of what was expected of him. Six months after the accident he was moving to another city to start his second major and even started worked part-time. I've talked many times with him about death and he couldn't less about it. "Why worry about something I can't control?". I'm sure that I in his position would probably have a life long problem from that accident. The deppresion, the fear. He's is quite an inspiring person. Obviously has it downsides if you're like that, you sometimes forget you need to rest.

Anyway, I have one brilliant quote for you. One that I keep with me at all times.
"Death is nothing to us, since when we are, death has not come, and when death has come, we are not." Epicurus

I've have noticed I feel much less anxiety when something exiting is going on. I just met someone and we've been talking a lot on the internet, really more fun than i've had in a while. It doesn't give me time to worry which in turn doesn't give me panic. I hope I can break this cycle.