eyechick924
02-12-16, 04:13
I feel really alone and need to get this off my chest. I'm a 24 year old female away 8 hours from home in my second year of graduate school. I've been lurking on this site for a couple of months and have found it to be helpful with my newfound health anxiety. I have suffered from anxiety for years and have taken an SSRI before but stopped in July because I no longer want to put unnatural substances in my body.
My anxiety morphed into health anxiety when I started taking a medical pathology course in my graduate program (optometry). It started with the typical heart/chest pain fear. I have realized that my chest pain was most likely from taking a lot of metamucil without enough water (trying to lower my cholesterol as it's been elevated since undergrad).
My blood pressure is a beautiful 105-115/70. Always is when I see my GP and take it myself (we both take it manually). But when I go to another office and they take it with an automatic machine it is never the same! One time it was 118/85 and the nurse commented it was high and I went home and obsessively checked my blood pressure for several weeks. At my GI consultation it was 134/78. I went home later and it was 110/70. The nurse said I was nervous because it's a doctor office however at my GP appointment the day before it was 105/65. Weird blood pressure results highly distress me.
Then a classmate found a certain type of eye freckles on my retina (called a CHRPE) that when found in a certain number may indicate familial adenomatous polyposis (a rare genetic colon cancer). It does not run in my family. Numerous staff doctors at my school told me mine are not associated with this presentation. However I still fear colon cancer, especially as I have had weird symptoms (black tarry stools which I think only occurred when I took an NSAID with my SSRI, fresh blood in toilet which my doctor believes are hemorrhoids, and loose stools with diarrhea and mucus). I have not seen any of this since changing my diet and eat a lot of fruits, vegetables, and fiber. My doctor did a fecal occult blood test over the summer. Doctor never posted results so I assumed they were normal but when I saw her a couple weeks ago she could not find the results. She referred me to a GI specialist who will do a colonoscopy on me when I am home for Christmas break.
I also fear skin cancer as I have some atypical looking moles and a history of sun burns. I have light colored hair, skin, and light eyes. But no family history of skin cancer although I do wish my family would go get themselves checked! I have a dermatologist appointment when I am home for Christmas.
I fear kidney problems because a routine dipstick test showed trace protein in my urine last May. GP was not worried so neither was I until we hit the kidney lecture in my pathology class. I regularly check my urine for foam. I do see white bubbles at times. I was home a week ago and re-did my urinalysis. I was supposed to get my results this week but when I talked to my doctor she said because I did not sign the cup, my urine was not tested. I will redo this during my Christmas break (what a fun break I have to look forward to).
I fear cardiovascular disease because my cholesterol has been elevated the past couple years (near optimal for a few years, borderline high for a few). I obsessively eat healthy and exercise 30 minutes a day. I fear unhealthy food now and that too is giving me distress. I constantly google foods to eat to improve my cholesterol and health. I guess this is good but distressing nonetheless.
I found a breast lump about 2 months ago. Doctor says fibrocystic breast changes. This is common in older women but I am only 24! I am switching my birth control from triphasic to monophasic (I took triphasic for only a couple months) so hopefully a more stable dose will help. But I don't want to take birth control anymore because I fear the increased risk of breast cancer. I don't have a strong family history (only one aunt, and I have many many aunts on that side of the family) but I do have large breasts and they feel quite dense to me. I very much fear future breast cancer :(
I have been an obsessive cheek biter for a couple of years. Google says cheek biting can increase risk of oral cancer. So there's that. I will ask my dentist when I'm home.
I never a smoked a cigarette a day in my life however I did smoke quite a bit of hookah during undergrad for a few years. I have not touched it since I graduated about 18 months ago. I now fear I have done permanent damage :( I read one session is the equivalent of 100 cigarettes. Not to mention it uses coal which is terrible and tin foil which I'm sure is also terrible. This is my newest fear. I do not believe I have problems now but I massively fear cancer in the future.
My boyfriend of 4 years (long distance relationship) smokes about a pack a day. He started in late high school. I am trying to get him to quit and I regret letting him smoke all these years. My anxiety is almost at the point where I fear that even if he does quit, he is doomed for cancer later on. And I wonder if this is really something I can handle in a relationship and if it is worth staying together. Which is awful because he's the guy I want to spend my life with. I also worry that he drank too much in college (he drank heavily most days a week for a couple of years). I seriously seriously worry about his liver health. Mine too to a certain extent as I also binge drank while on an SSRI. I no longer drink or plan to.
All of this and I live alone. I do have friends at school but have withdrawn due to anxiety. Going home for thanksgiving was wonderful because my family and boyfriend helped take my mind off of this and I felt normal for once. But being alone even 1 day brought all of this back. I absolutely cannot wait to go home 2 weeks from tomorrow. My family helps give me perspective. Calling helps too but not as much. I just feel so alone and anxious. I should be enjoying my life, especially if I fear having illness, because every day is precious. But instead I spend it worried and on the internet either reading other people's experiences and googling ways to prevent cancer or illness.
The loneliness is so very real.
---------- Post added at 04:13 ---------- Previous post was at 03:56 ----------
Any input would be highly highly appreciated
My anxiety morphed into health anxiety when I started taking a medical pathology course in my graduate program (optometry). It started with the typical heart/chest pain fear. I have realized that my chest pain was most likely from taking a lot of metamucil without enough water (trying to lower my cholesterol as it's been elevated since undergrad).
My blood pressure is a beautiful 105-115/70. Always is when I see my GP and take it myself (we both take it manually). But when I go to another office and they take it with an automatic machine it is never the same! One time it was 118/85 and the nurse commented it was high and I went home and obsessively checked my blood pressure for several weeks. At my GI consultation it was 134/78. I went home later and it was 110/70. The nurse said I was nervous because it's a doctor office however at my GP appointment the day before it was 105/65. Weird blood pressure results highly distress me.
Then a classmate found a certain type of eye freckles on my retina (called a CHRPE) that when found in a certain number may indicate familial adenomatous polyposis (a rare genetic colon cancer). It does not run in my family. Numerous staff doctors at my school told me mine are not associated with this presentation. However I still fear colon cancer, especially as I have had weird symptoms (black tarry stools which I think only occurred when I took an NSAID with my SSRI, fresh blood in toilet which my doctor believes are hemorrhoids, and loose stools with diarrhea and mucus). I have not seen any of this since changing my diet and eat a lot of fruits, vegetables, and fiber. My doctor did a fecal occult blood test over the summer. Doctor never posted results so I assumed they were normal but when I saw her a couple weeks ago she could not find the results. She referred me to a GI specialist who will do a colonoscopy on me when I am home for Christmas break.
I also fear skin cancer as I have some atypical looking moles and a history of sun burns. I have light colored hair, skin, and light eyes. But no family history of skin cancer although I do wish my family would go get themselves checked! I have a dermatologist appointment when I am home for Christmas.
I fear kidney problems because a routine dipstick test showed trace protein in my urine last May. GP was not worried so neither was I until we hit the kidney lecture in my pathology class. I regularly check my urine for foam. I do see white bubbles at times. I was home a week ago and re-did my urinalysis. I was supposed to get my results this week but when I talked to my doctor she said because I did not sign the cup, my urine was not tested. I will redo this during my Christmas break (what a fun break I have to look forward to).
I fear cardiovascular disease because my cholesterol has been elevated the past couple years (near optimal for a few years, borderline high for a few). I obsessively eat healthy and exercise 30 minutes a day. I fear unhealthy food now and that too is giving me distress. I constantly google foods to eat to improve my cholesterol and health. I guess this is good but distressing nonetheless.
I found a breast lump about 2 months ago. Doctor says fibrocystic breast changes. This is common in older women but I am only 24! I am switching my birth control from triphasic to monophasic (I took triphasic for only a couple months) so hopefully a more stable dose will help. But I don't want to take birth control anymore because I fear the increased risk of breast cancer. I don't have a strong family history (only one aunt, and I have many many aunts on that side of the family) but I do have large breasts and they feel quite dense to me. I very much fear future breast cancer :(
I have been an obsessive cheek biter for a couple of years. Google says cheek biting can increase risk of oral cancer. So there's that. I will ask my dentist when I'm home.
I never a smoked a cigarette a day in my life however I did smoke quite a bit of hookah during undergrad for a few years. I have not touched it since I graduated about 18 months ago. I now fear I have done permanent damage :( I read one session is the equivalent of 100 cigarettes. Not to mention it uses coal which is terrible and tin foil which I'm sure is also terrible. This is my newest fear. I do not believe I have problems now but I massively fear cancer in the future.
My boyfriend of 4 years (long distance relationship) smokes about a pack a day. He started in late high school. I am trying to get him to quit and I regret letting him smoke all these years. My anxiety is almost at the point where I fear that even if he does quit, he is doomed for cancer later on. And I wonder if this is really something I can handle in a relationship and if it is worth staying together. Which is awful because he's the guy I want to spend my life with. I also worry that he drank too much in college (he drank heavily most days a week for a couple of years). I seriously seriously worry about his liver health. Mine too to a certain extent as I also binge drank while on an SSRI. I no longer drink or plan to.
All of this and I live alone. I do have friends at school but have withdrawn due to anxiety. Going home for thanksgiving was wonderful because my family and boyfriend helped take my mind off of this and I felt normal for once. But being alone even 1 day brought all of this back. I absolutely cannot wait to go home 2 weeks from tomorrow. My family helps give me perspective. Calling helps too but not as much. I just feel so alone and anxious. I should be enjoying my life, especially if I fear having illness, because every day is precious. But instead I spend it worried and on the internet either reading other people's experiences and googling ways to prevent cancer or illness.
The loneliness is so very real.
---------- Post added at 04:13 ---------- Previous post was at 03:56 ----------
Any input would be highly highly appreciated