Struggling to be a support

[Sylver1975]

My Mother-in-Law is very ill in hospital, my OH is an only child so he's struggling with it all. She's 92 and has dementia and is in hospital with respiratory sepsis. She has responded to treatment and improved a little but realistically with her age and the fact that she's losing her ability to swallow because of the dementia, the long term prognosis isn't good.

I've been doing my best to support my OH, trying to be the strong one. He's not been into work all week, has been spending all of his time at her bedside. I've been going into work and then travelling the 40 miles to the hospital afterwards, though I took a night off last night. I've had panic attacks each morning I've woke and today feel really unwell, nauseous and dry retching. I know it's all from stress but I daren't tell my OH because he has enough on his plate.

I know that ultimately what he's going through is far worse than what I'm experiencing so I have to suck it up and be there for him but it's getting harder by the day. I'm not focusing too well at work either, just so tired.

I've often wished there was a fast-forward button we could press on life, I think the worst part about my MIL being so ill is the waiting and not knowing what the future will bring.

[Bigboyuk]

iam sorry to hear this Sylver That's so hard on you too. Do you have any family members you can talk to regarding the stress this is causing you? And in any case on here we do care and understand hey chin up and remember we are here 24/7 :)

[pulisa]

It must be a really stressful time for your OH and for you of course but I think the most important thing for you is to not push yourself too hard and to stay mentally strong and available for him when he needs you. Driving all that way after work every night may be just too much for you-it doesn't mean you are failing in your "duties" as a loving partner. You are experiencing increasing anxiety symptoms so something has to give in order for you to keep well. Maybe you are putting too much pressure on yourself to be a "rock"-you sound incredibly supportive and tuned into your OH's needs already.

I got too involved with my F-in-Law's dementia and made a decision to stand back and let my OH take responsibility. I had recently lost my Dad and didn't want to make any mistakes this time. But it wasn't up to me to make decisions and now I just try to support my OH as much as I can.

Hoping that you are feeling less stressed soon-it is a horrible situation and I'm sure your OH is doing all he can to support his Mum