View Full Version : Overcoming health anxiety
I bought the book " overcoming health anxiety" and have been reading through it over the last couple of days. It seems very helpful but I was flicking through the chapters and came to a chapter about facing your fears, it's kinda freaked me out. It says things about reading stories of terminally ill people, and to imagine being told by your gp that you are dying. Also to visit a hospital and really scary things like that. I really don't see how I can do these things.
Any thoughts on this or has anyone ever read the book?
ServerError
03-12-16, 11:48
I'm sure many of us have found books that have helped us over time and played an important role in our recovery. I know I have. But that doesn't mean we need to do everything a book tells us in order to recover.
Facing our fears is indeed important, but this can mean whatever you decide it means. I'm not sure why a book would suggest you subject yourself to a ward full of dying cancer patients - except maybe as some kind of volunteer.
The best thing to do is to take from the book what works for you and discard the stuff that doesn't. Some exposure to your fears is a good idea, but there's no need to overdo it. You're far better with a CBT approach that gets you thinking about your fears and learning to counter them and challenge them as they arise.
Just my opinion, anyway. When I had a worry that I was developing a serious mental illness such as schizophrenia, I don't feel that a visit to a psychiatric ward would have done me any good.
MyNameIsTerry
03-12-16, 11:50
Who is the author? An ex sufferer by any chance?
I guess it depends on the individual. Reading about serious illnesses can be a trigger for my own anxiety so I would never read a book like that.
MyNameIsTerry
03-12-16, 11:55
I'm sure many of us have found books that have helped us over time and played an important role in our recovery. I know I have. But that doesn't mean we need to do everything a book tells us in order to recover.
Facing our fears is indeed important, but this can mean whatever you decide it means. I'm not sure why a book would suggest you subject yourself to a ward full of dying cancer patients - except maybe as some kind of volunteer.
The best thing to do is to take from the book what works for you and discard the stuff that doesn't. Some exposure to your fears is a good idea, but there's no need to overdo it. Your far better with a CBT approach that gets you thinking about your fears and learning to counter them and challenge them as they arise.
Just my opinion, anyway. When I had a worry that I was developing a serious mental illness such as schizophrenia, I don't feel that a visit to a psychiatric ward would have done me any good.
It's talking about exposure therapy, part of CBT. ERP is the one used these days, the old "flooding" method doesn't work as well but there are other exposure methods used in therapy too.
Rainbow - does it talk about creating a hierarchy from lowest anxiety provoking to highest?
It's written by a Dr David Veale and Dr Rob Willson. It is cbt based.
MyNameIsTerry - yes it does talk about creating a hierarchy of lowest to highest provoking a anxiety. The suggestions terrify me and I don't see how doing these things could possibly help my anxiety.
brucealmighty
03-12-16, 15:47
theres a good book called `staring at the sun` which is about death and health fears, doesn`t sound much fun but it really helped me look at things from a different viewpoint.
any hierarchy of fears is based on gradual exposure, I`ve known doormen use it believe it or not, where their first night on a big event is literally giving them the sh*ts so they were coached to drive to the venue before the night, spend some time outside etc and it worked. so its not just us faint hearted types who need these tools, it works for all manner of people who are facing fears.
all I`d say is go steady, the success comes from gradually realising you can do more than you initially thought, don`t dive in and shatter your existing confidence
best of luck with it all, but be brave and see what you can do
Mummytofour
03-12-16, 15:53
Hi, I find that exposing myself to my fears in some way helps. I have recently watched a few films for example about someone with a terminal illness and although obviously it's a movie and not a real life documentary or anything I find it helps. Also I have read a blog online about someone currently living with terminal cancer and things like that. I do actually find it helps me because I am confronting these things. It really does make me think about the people out there who have and are dealing with my worst fear. I am lucky that mine is just that right now 'a fear and not something I am living with or dying of. I am not sure why it helps but I find it does. That's not to say it would for everyone x
ServerError
03-12-16, 17:54
It's talking about exposure therapy, part of CBT. ERP is the one used these days, the old "flooding" method doesn't work as well but there are other exposure methods used in therapy too.
I'm sure you understand that my main point was that whatever works for someone works and that they're not obliged to follow everything a book says just because some of it resonates with them. I didn't do everything my therapist says, but the stuff I found helpful was great.
I just think you need to be careful with ideas of exposure. I think a degree of exposure is useful and I definitely had to expose myself to aspects of my own fear, but I'm sceptical of people surrounding themselves with "techniques" and "methods" and basically making their whole life about anxiety and recovery.
As has been mentioned, it's exposure therapy and part of CBT. How you are exposed to your fears and the amount you are exposed to should be decided on by a professional after an evaluation of one's mental state.
That being said, I used exposure therapy methods to desensitize myself to certain sounds that caused me to be irritated (I deal with some misophonia). It's not easy but when practiced it works.
Positive thoughts
Kathryn313
03-12-16, 22:26
It was the book that my partner got me after I first heard the term Health Anxiety, it was illuminating for me as I wasn't aware it was a condition and when I read the examples I could see my own thoughts reflected on paper. I felt less alone.
I really liked the way it was written and I did the first few exercises, sat on a park bench during the week or two that I was waiting for my first CBT appointment. It is a book I would recommend.
Exposure is a key bit but I didn't do that without the help of a therapist.
MyNameIsTerry
04-12-16, 06:49
It's written by a Dr David Veale and Dr Rob Willson. It is cbt based.
MyNameIsTerry - yes it does talk about creating a hierarchy of lowest to highest provoking a anxiety. The suggestions terrify me and I don't see how doing these things could possibly help my anxiety.
Ah, I think I was thinking of a similar title by a recovered sufferer...and it's literally no more than the sticky threads on here. :winks:
These things terrify you now but the idea is to start with those that don't and work up towards those that do. As you do this, your anxiety decreases as you habituate to the lower ones and this gets you more able to tackle the later steps that are meant to keep you challenged.
It doesn't mean going all out at the worst things, that's the old "flooding" form of exposure which is not as successful.
So, you might start off reading something or listening to something on audio. As far as hospitals go, that would be dependant on what access you are allowed so typically it might be sitting near to a dept relevant to the fear but not in one as those patients are the priority.
Exposure needs to be carefully designed because it needs to be aimed at the core beliefs behind the fear, not the context. It can be tricky without a therapist trained to do that but we can always try to design something that is better than nothing if needed.
---------- Post added at 06:49 ---------- Previous post was at 06:40 ----------
I'm sure you understand that my main point was that whatever works for someone works and that they're not obliged to follow everything a book says just because some of it resonates with them. I didn't do everything my therapist says, but the stuff I found helpful was great.
I just think you need to be careful with ideas of exposure. I think a degree of exposure is useful and I definitely had to expose myself to aspects of my own fear, but I'm sceptical of people surrounding themselves with "techniques" and "methods" and basically making their whole life about anxiety and recovery.
She didn't mention visiting wards of terminally ill people, that would be wrong anyway without consent from the people (or hospital) who need the care more. She did mention reading their stories.
Exposure can be the treatment of choice, it depends what you are diagnosed with. If it's OCD, ERP is the prescribed initial treatment expanding out to a more varied CBT treatment if you are more severe. In GAD, it's just left as a vague CBT. The therapist will design something bespoke and discard the rest.
The books should be telling people this too. CBT is much larger than we know, IAPT only scratch the service of it and have been criticised for watering down therapy in the UK. They tend to look at ERP a lot anyway and seem to avoid the Cognitive Restructuring elements which are very useful to us. I had CBT, reading about it later told me a barely had any of it.
I agree, it's about what works, and that is more than CBT which won't get you into healthy practices i.e. diet, exercise, etc.
Ah, I think I was thinking of a similar title by a recovered sufferer...and it's literally no more than the sticky threads on here. :winks:
These things terrify you now but the idea is to start with those that don't and work up towards those that do. As you do this, your anxiety decreases as you habituate to the lower ones and this gets you more able to tackle the later steps that are meant to keep you challenged.
It doesn't mean going all out at the worst things, that's the old "flooding" form of exposure which is not as successful.
So, you might start off reading something or listening to something on audio. As far as hospitals go, that would be dependant on what access you are allowed so typically it might be sitting near to a dept relevant to the fear but not in one as those patients are the priority.
Exposure needs to be carefully designed because it needs to be aimed at the core beliefs behind the fear, not the context. It can be tricky without a therapist trained to do that but we can always try to design something that is better than nothing if needed.
---------- Post added at 06:49 ---------- Previous post was at 06:40 ----------
She didn't mention visiting wards of terminally ill people, that would be wrong anyway without consent from the people (or hospital) who need the care more. She did mention reading their stories.
Exposure can be the treatment of choice, it depends what you are diagnosed with. If it's OCD, ERP is the prescribed initial treatment expanding out to a more varied CBT treatment if you are more severe. In GAD, it's just left as a vague CBT. The therapist will design something bespoke and discard the rest.
The books should be telling people this too. CBT is much larger than we know, IAPT only scratch the service of it and have been criticised for watering down therapy in the UK. They tend to look at ERP a lot anyway and seem to avoid the Cognitive Restructuring elements which are very useful to us. I had CBT, reading about it later told me a barely had any of it.
I agree, it's about what works, and that is more than CBT which won't get you into healthy practices i.e. diet, exercise, etc.
Sorry I've not replied sooner, been very busy.
Could you explain what erp is please. I really don't think I can do the exposure, anything I see that's related to bowel cancer freaks me our massively, I feel light headed and sick, my heart speeds up and I feel so ill.
I'm still struggling with stopping checking, if I don't look I'm anxious, if I do I'm anxious. I can't win. This has been a tough 4 months and I can't see any way out. I am becoming more depressed every day.
paranoid-viking
05-12-16, 10:27
I bought the book " overcoming health anxiety" and have been reading through it over the last couple of days. It seems very helpful but I was flicking through the chapters and came to a chapter about facing your fears, it's kinda freaked me out. It says things about reading stories of terminally ill people, and to imagine being told by your gp that you are dying. Also to visit a hospital and really scary things like that. I really don't see how I can do these things.
Any thoughts on this or has anyone ever read the book?
Oh! I think that would make my anxiety worse:scared15:
Based on that I am not sure if I want to read it. Sounds like it could have the oposite effect.
---------- Post added at 11:25 ---------- Previous post was at 11:21 ----------
I guess it depends on the individual. Reading about serious illnesses can be a trigger for my own anxiety so I would never read a book like that.
I agree. And - now that I have been faced with disturbing news about a close relative that is frightening enough for me. That is something I would have to face up to in the near future if what we fear is confirmed.
---------- Post added at 11:27 ---------- Previous post was at 11:25 ----------
Hi, I find that exposing myself to my fears in some way helps. I have recently watched a few films for example about someone with a terminal illness and although obviously it's a movie and not a real life documentary or anything I find it helps. Also I have read a blog online about someone currently living with terminal cancer and things like that. I do actually find it helps me because I am confronting these things. It really does make me think about the people out there who have and are dealing with my worst fear. I am lucky that mine is just that right now 'a fear and not something I am living with or dying of. I am not sure why it helps but I find it does. That's not to say it would for everyone x
Reading blogs from cancer patients is most definitevely an anxiety trigger in my case. But we are all different, for some it could be therapy, for me that would be bad bad medicine.
MyNameIsTerry
05-12-16, 14:07
Oh! I think that would make my anxiety worse:scared15:
Based on that I am not sure if I want to read it. Sounds like it could have the oposite effect.
---------- Post added at 11:25 ---------- Previous post was at 11:21 ----------
I agree. And - now that I have been faced with disturbing news about a close relative that is frightening enough for me. That is something I would have to face up to in the near future if what we fear is confirmed.
---------- Post added at 11:27 ---------- Previous post was at 11:25 ----------
Reading blogs from cancer patients is most definitevely an anxiety trigger in my case. But we are all different, for some it could be therapy, for me that would be bad bad medicine.
I think you are misunderstanding what they are saying, exposure therapy is supposed to be triggering. If it weren't, there would be no point to it. It's all based on Pavlovian Extinction. Early Fear Conditioning.
The therapist has various models to apply but ERP is the common modern one. This builds you up in a way that your fears reduce as you move towards a higher one - extinction takes place. You spend time triggered and your anxiety starts to naturally reduce allowing you to learn it is not as bad as you thought.
It's not just anxiety this can be seen in, the principle occurs in many things without people realising.
I think you are misunderstanding what they are saying, exposure therapy is supposed to be triggering. If it weren't, there would be no point to it. It's all based on Pavlovian Extinction. Early Fear Conditioning.
The therapist has various models to apply but ERP is the common modern one. This builds you up in a way that your fears reduce as you move towards a higher one - extinction takes place. You spend time triggered and your anxiety starts to naturally reduce allowing you to learn it is not as bad as you thought.
It's not just anxiety this can be seen in, the principle occurs in many things without people realising.
Hi, what is ERP?
MyNameIsTerry
05-12-16, 14:45
Hi, what is ERP?
Hi rainbow,
It's Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP) Therapy. Exposing yourself to triggers and resisting the urge to flee for a period of time so your anxiety decreases as the adrenaline fades. It's repetitive and uses a ladder approach to work up from lesser to greater triggers as you lose the fear of previous ones.
I've got some useful links which demonstrate how it works but they are on my laptop so I'll post them for you tonight when I'm back on it. What we were discussing about stopping the checking on your other thread was the same, so it doesn't have to be about the worst areas of your anxiety if you can make gains from it in other ones. Ant gains will weaken your overall anxiety making other fears more approachable.
I'm kind of doing this without knowing it by trying to go to the theatre and cinema more often. They still trigger panic attacks every time.
I think it's important to recognise that you do have a choice with health anxiety/fear of bowel cancer in terms of working on these fears to lessen them-maybe not totally but aiming to make the fears less all-consuming whereas with an actual cancer diagnosis you don't. You have to go through the necessary treatment and there is no choice. Until you get that actual diagnosis-and you haven't-you are dealing with fears alone not actual diagnosed illness thankfully.
Massive worrier
05-12-16, 22:21
Exposure needs to be carefully designed because it needs to be aimed at the core beliefs behind the fear, not the context. It can be tricky without a therapist trained to do that but we can always try to design something that is better than nothing if needed.
This is interesting. I have always found CBT does not get to the root of the problem and sometimes this root problem is very difficult to pinpoint. What issues would be addressed with health anxiety. I am scared of dying, but i often wonder whether the issue is with leaving family behind and how they would cope. Any idea on how to tackle this without a therapist (not sure how long the therapy wait will be) Thank you
Hi rainbow,
It's Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP) Therapy. Exposing yourself to triggers and resisting the urge to flee for a period of time so your anxiety decreases as the adrenaline fades. It's repetitive and uses a ladder approach to work up from lesser to greater triggers as you lose the fear of previous ones.
I've got some useful links which demonstrate how it works but they are on my laptop so I'll post them for you tonight when I'm back on it. What we were discussing about stopping the checking on your other thread was the same, so it doesn't have to be about the worst areas of your anxiety if you can make gains from it in other ones. Ant gains will weaken your overall anxiety making other fears more approachable.
Thanks for the explanation,
I think I'm going to have to be referred to the MHT again. I am only just making it through each day and this is beginning to affect all aspects of my life. The only problem is that I will have to go to my gp to be referred and I am beyond terrified of drs, anything medical etc.
I have a family counsellor that comes to see me every week because of the problems with my grown up son. I have confided in her about all my fears and she has told me that she will accompany me to my gp and would even talk for me if need be. I'm hoping that with some cbt I will be able to eventually go through with medical testing without having a major breakdown.
I'm starting to struggle with work aswell which I really don't want as I was given a written warning earlier this year due to time off for anxiety.
---------- Post added at 10:32 ---------- Previous post was at 10:24 ----------
I think it's important to recognise that you do have a choice with health anxiety/fear of bowel cancer in terms of working on these fears to lessen them-maybe not totally but aiming to make the fears less all-consuming whereas with an actual cancer diagnosis you don't. You have to go through the necessary treatment and there is no choice. Until you get that actual diagnosis-and you haven't-you are dealing with fears alone not actual diagnosed illness thankfully.
I want to stop thinking the way I am and sometimes I feel like I'm doing better but then something will happen and it all falls down again. If my stools are overly loose or if I think I see something not right when obsessively checking my stool, that's it pure panic and uncontrollable thoughts. The bathroom is my enemy, even going for a shower now is extremely difficult and I'm ashamed to say that last week I went 3 days without a shower.
I spend every waking moment thinking about my stomach and freaking out at any little sensation. I'm getting flooded with panic numerous times a day.
Do you actually have any red flag symptoms for bowel cancer though? Or do you obsessively search for them?
It all started off with me noticing something red on the tp when I wiped, I'd had a tomato past sauce a couple of days previously and I'm sure that's what it was as I've seen the same thing over the years on occasions and I've managed not to freak out. But since that day my bowels have been playing up and the anxiety has been unbearable. I have been obsessing over my stools and sometimes I think I'm imagining things. Before the anxiety started I was having no issues with my bowels apart from the occasional ibs flare up, which I've had for nearly 30 years. This happened to me 5 years ago and I had issues for about 5 months which slowly got better as I was having cbt.
My mind is fixated on this.
It sounds like CBT helped you before so maybe time for a refresher course with a therapist who is clued up about HA? If you can lessen your anxiety just a bit you may find that the ruminations/fixations decrease too? It's not easy, rainbow, but you know that these fears have taken over your life at the moment-time to make a stand and get yourself referred for therapy?
It sounds like CBT helped you before so maybe time for a refresher course with a therapist who is clued up about HA? If you can lessen your anxiety just a bit you may find that the ruminations/fixations decrease too? It's not easy, rainbow, but you know that these fears have taken over your life at the moment-time to make a stand and get yourself referred for therapy?
My counsellor is on holiday at the moment, she's coming to see me on the 22nd of this month. I want her to come with me to see my gp but I'm going to wait until after Christmas. The only thing is I will probably have to wait a good while to be seen and I'm really getting worried about my mental state. I have a lot of stress in my life because of my son and his mental health issues. My relationship with my partner is awful and I think a separation is inevitable. We argue almost every day. My younger kids aged 13 and 9 have anxiety issues aswell, which I take responsibility for.
My mood is lowering every day and its got to the point that I only go out when I absolutely have to, I don't go into town or anywhere really as I'm terrified that I'll have to go to the toilet. I barely eat anything during the day and even when I do eat it's very little. I average about 900 calories a day and as a result I've lost 2 stone in the last 3 months. I know this is taking over but I'm not strong enough to fight it.
Every morning I wake up and the anxiety hits me full force, my stomach starts to churn and invariably I'll have loose stools which increases the anxiety and so on. I feel like I'm in a very deep hole with no way out
I don't think you can wait until after Christmas. For the sake of your family you need to seek help now. Can you speak to your GP on the phone and explain your circumstances? You know that things are getting worse. Do you have anyone you could turn to apart from your counsellor?
I know how stressful it can be when your children have mental health issues too and everything is overwhelming
For some reason I have developed an intense fear of anything medical, I know I'm being really silly but the thought of going anywhere near a dr causes massive anxiety, numbness in arms, increased heart rate, I feel paralysed with the fear. Even the thought of talking to one induces all these feelings. Terrified that they'll say that they need to send me for lots of tests.
Unfortunately I don't really have anyone that I can really talk to. I have art therapy today but I really don't think I can go, I feel so vulnerable when I'm outside, like I'm exposed, it's awful. I feel like I'm mentally shutting down and its really scaring me.
You've lost weight because you're hardly eating. This isn't unexplained weight loss. You're fixated on the fear of having bowel cancer but don't have any red flag symptoms. Your intense fears are causing the symptoms to continue and mentally, you're scaring yourself witless.
You can access IAPT services yourself without needing to be referred by a GP. It's small fry psychological help to begin with but may see you referred for CBT more urgently once the intensity of your problems is realised. Would this be worth a try?
I think I've convinced myself that the reddish colour that I've seen on the tp must be blood even though they is has happened over the years, for years! And I've never seen anything resembling liquid blood. Also even though my ibs always plays up when I'm anxious it's still scaring me. The weight loss is'nt concerning me as I know that I'm not eating much at all.
What is IAPT? I'm in Scotland so not sure if I can self refer. Some days are'nt too bad, this is a really bad day. I haven't eaten or had anything to drink, I don't want to move. I just woke up after having a dream related to my fears. This is horrendous. I don't know how to deal with this, I'm worried about my kids
---------- Post added at 16:04 ---------- Previous post was at 13:33 ----------
I forgot to mention that since I turned 50 this year I've felt that I must get cancer because everything you read says that most cancers occur in the over 50's. I'm also perimenopausal and I realise that this could be aggravating the anxiety.
I've been reading about people who've had negative fobt's and going on to have bowel cancer, this has caused more anxiety in me. So even if you dutifully hand in your fobt every 2 years you can still end up with cancer.
Why torment yourself by seeking out this information?
Why torment yourself by seeking out this information?
I just came across it, but it makes you wonder what the point of doing a fobt is. I'm tired and utterly worn out with the constant thoughts in my head. I need to stop looking at any medical sites, maybe even stay away from here as I know that this is all reassurance seeking behaviour. Thank you for your kind input, very much appreciated.
It's not helpful looking at these medical sites because they are going to be full of scaremongering stories. It's you that matters and how your anxiety is severely impacting on your quality of life. Every time you Google bowel-related symptoms you're just fuelling your anxiety..but you know this anyway.
Can you access any online CBT therapy targeting health anxiety?
It's not helpful looking at these medical sites because they are going to be full of scaremongering stories. It's you that matters and how your anxiety is severely impacting on your quality of life. Every time you Google bowel-related symptoms you're just fuelling your anxiety..but you know this anyway.
Can you access any online CBT therapy targeting health anxiety?
The thing is they're not really scaremongering stories, they are factual. It was on mumsnet which is a highly respected parenting site that I've been using for various reasons over the years. It was on the health thread that it came up. It just made me wonder if it's worth the stress and anxiety to go through with the test if it's not totally reliable anyway
---------- Post added at 14:49 ---------- Previous post was at 14:45 ----------
I will look online but the book that I mentioned in this thread is cbt based. I think though that I'll do better if I have a therapist to talk to rather than online or through a book.
I need to also get over my fear of drs and anything medical. I had to go to the drs surgery today with my adult daughter and I was so anxious just sitting in the waiting room, even after having a 5mg diazepam.
PrincessPanic89
09-12-16, 00:10
Hi Rainbow,
I had a quick read of this thread and you sound a bit like me in that you seem to have convinced yourself you have something even if you don't have the "typical" symptoms.
I have found myself doing this many times, even going onto Google (naughty, I know) to try and reassure myself but of course it only makes it worse. At the moment, I'm having some pain in my ovary. At first I thought it could be a cyst. Then it started to play on my mind. I googled. I don't have any of the typical ovarian cancer symptoms bar one which was lower abdominal pain. I then ended up on a thread written by women who had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer describing their symptoms, diagnosis, treatments etc. So many of them said they didn't have typical symptoms. Some didn't have any and the reason it was discovered was due to routine Pap smears or ultrasounds looking for something different. Which has made me panic no end. I am going to call the dr tomorrow but like you, I don't like going. Mainly because I'm terrified they will give me bad news.
I hate that I constantly torture myself reading up on stuff that I know will terrify me. I hope you manage to get to the dr and get to the bottom of whatever is going on. I'm sure it'll be a much better diagnosis than what your brain is convincing you it is!
MyNameIsTerry
09-12-16, 06:06
Exposure needs to be carefully designed because it needs to be aimed at the core beliefs behind the fear, not the context. It can be tricky without a therapist trained to do that but we can always try to design something that is better than nothing if needed.
This is interesting. I have always found CBT does not get to the root of the problem and sometimes this root problem is very difficult to pinpoint. What issues would be addressed with health anxiety. I am scared of dying, but i often wonder whether the issue is with leaving family behind and how they would cope. Any idea on how to tackle this without a therapist (not sure how long the therapy wait will be) Thank you
Have a read of this thread:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=159265
The link in there takes you to a paper discussing how best to perform exposure therapy and why it is important to find the root issue rather than treat the symptoms.
So, your thinking about it being more about your family could be your core issue to deal with rather than dying, like you say. The exposure hierarchy could then aim not to deal with your fear of death but your fear of the emotional trauma to your family instead e.g. it could focus having steps like considering how they move on after you have died, how they grieve, etc.
See if that paper gives you ideas. Really this stuff is therapist territory as they need get to the root problem but if you can work on some of it, it may help until you get to therapy.
Designing hierarchies is pretty simple, this document shows you how from the NHS:
http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/Panic.asp
---------- Post added at 05:57 ---------- Previous post was at 05:51 ----------
Thanks for the explanation,
I think I'm going to have to be referred to the MHT again. I am only just making it through each day and this is beginning to affect all aspects of my life. The only problem is that I will have to go to my gp to be referred and I am beyond terrified of drs, anything medical etc.
I have a family counsellor that comes to see me every week because of the problems with my grown up son. I have confided in her about all my fears and she has told me that she will accompany me to my gp and would even talk for me if need be. I'm hoping that with some cbt I will be able to eventually go through with medical testing without having a major breakdown.
I'm starting to struggle with work aswell which I really don't want as I was given a written warning earlier this year due to time off for anxiety.
Hi rainbow,
I've just posted a couple of links that explain ERP, the NHS one is the easiest to read, the other one is for therapists so it can be heavier but it is a good read about the pitfalls and how to design exposure properly.
This thread shows the diagram my therapist showed me and I added in a couple of links to sites that explain it:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=160784
I would suggest discussing this with them. Exposure work can be tough, if you are severe right now, it may need something very carefully setting up or something else to get you to a stage where you can begin something like this.
---------- Post added at 06:02 ---------- Previous post was at 05:57 ----------
I think I've convinced myself that the reddish colour that I've seen on the tp must be blood even though they is has happened over the years, for years! And I've never seen anything resembling liquid blood. Also even though my ibs always plays up when I'm anxious it's still scaring me. The weight loss is'nt concerning me as I know that I'm not eating much at all.
What is IAPT? I'm in Scotland so not sure if I can self refer. Some days are'nt too bad, this is a really bad day. I haven't eaten or had anything to drink, I don't want to move. I just woke up after having a dream related to my fears. This is horrendous. I don't know how to deal with this, I'm worried about my kids
---------- Post added at 16:04 ---------- Previous post was at 13:33 ----------
I forgot to mention that since I turned 50 this year I've felt that I must get cancer because everything you read says that most cancers occur in the over 50's. I'm also perimenopausal and I realise that this could be aggravating the anxiety.
IAPT don't exist in Scotland. IAPT came in to cut down on the long waiting times to get to the mental health teams and NHS Scotland still uses the old set up we had before IAPT. This means it will likely be slower to access but there is a positive side, who you will see will very likely be far better trained than who we do at IAPT.
I think when it comes to cancer, it's considered a set of diseases more likely seen in the older population. If you looked at some specific cancers, the NHS say they are most common in over 70's. But then, when you get into these older stages you will find pretty much everything is anyway. It's just that time of life. I bet you some of the older members on here would tell you this, my mum & dad certainly would and they are mid seventies. At their age you start seeing your friends & family disappear to all sorts of things and like my folks have always said, it's just how it is at those ages.
You are still young. Yes, cancers and other things related to the heart start to become more of a risk BUT that doesn't mean you get any of them, just that it is more likely than someone younger & fitter.
---------- Post added at 06:06 ---------- Previous post was at 06:02 ----------
I just came across it, but it makes you wonder what the point of doing a fobt is. I'm tired and utterly worn out with the constant thoughts in my head. I need to stop looking at any medical sites, maybe even stay away from here as I know that this is all reassurance seeking behaviour. Thank you for your kind input, very much appreciated.
I seem to recall discussing this with you on an earlier thread and the NHS stated there was a failure rate with these tests BUT that they also stated where it happens the doctor follows it up with more tests to rule anything out.
So, doesn't it just mean that these tests are 100%? But then so are many things. People often say "biopsies are the absolute gold standard", yet biopsies come back inconclusive in a certain %. I know this because of what my GF's mum went through and what then happened is the doctors just switched to a different test, a PET scan in this case, which proved what they were looking at was X.
Tests fail all the time. It gets reported as a fail and a doctor knows the results are invalid and needs to do something else. They wouldn't just leave the issue, they would want to be sure there is nothing there and the reason they do this is because there are the cases where something actually is there and they need to get them treatment as soon as possible. Any doctor not following that up is going to end up under investigation for some form of negligence or should be at least.
Hi Rainbow,
I had a quick read of this thread and you sound a bit like me in that you seem to have convinced yourself you have something even if you don't have the "typical" symptoms.
I have found myself doing this many times, even going onto Google (naughty, I know) to try and reassure myself but of course it only makes it worse. At the moment, I'm having some pain in my ovary. At first I thought it could be a cyst. Then it started to play on my mind. I googled. I don't have any of the typical ovarian cancer symptoms bar one which was lower abdominal pain. I then ended up on a thread written by women who had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer describing their symptoms, diagnosis, treatments etc. So many of them said they didn't have typical symptoms. Some didn't have any and the reason it was discovered was due to routine Pap smears or ultrasounds looking for something different. Which has made me panic no end. I am going to call the dr tomorrow but like you, I don't like going. Mainly because I'm terrified they will give me bad news.
I hate that I constantly torture myself reading up on stuff that I know will terrify me. I hope you manage to get to the dr and get to the bottom of whatever is going on. I'm sure it'll be a much better diagnosis than what your brain is convincing you it is!
Hi, I try not to go onto cancer forums as I know that I would definitely read something that would send me into a massive panic.
I am going to get help for the anxiety before I can even consider any medical testing, I'm so scared that my mental health will break down completely. I hope you can have your fears settled, the constant anxiety is very tiring.
---------- Post added at 13:03 ---------- Previous post was at 12:53 ----------
Have a read of this thread:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=159265
The link in there takes you to a paper discussing how best to perform exposure therapy and why it is important to find the root issue rather than treat the symptoms.
So, your thinking about it being more about your family could be your core issue to deal with rather than dying, like you say. The exposure hierarchy could then aim not to deal with your fear of death but your fear of the emotional trauma to your family instead e.g. it could focus having steps like considering how they move on after you have died, how they grieve, etc.
See if that paper gives you ideas. Really this stuff is therapist territory as they need get to the root problem but if you can work on some of it, it may help until you get to therapy.
Designing hierarchies is pretty simple, this document shows you how from the NHS:
http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/Panic.asp
---------- Post added at 05:57 ---------- Previous post was at 05:51 ----------
Hi rainbow,
I've just posted a couple of links that explain ERP, the NHS one is the easiest to read, the other one is for therapists so it can be heavier but it is a good read about the pitfalls and how to design exposure properly.
This thread shows the diagram my therapist showed me and I added in a couple of links to sites that explain it:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=160784
I would suggest discussing this with them. Exposure work can be tough, if you are severe right now, it may need something very carefully setting up or something else to get you to a stage where you can begin something like this.
---------- Post added at 06:02 ---------- Previous post was at 05:57 ----------
IAPT don't exist in Scotland. IAPT came in to cut down on the long waiting times to get to the mental health teams and NHS Scotland still uses the old set up we had before IAPT. This means it will likely be slower to access but there is a positive side, who you will see will very likely be far better trained than who we do at IAPT.
I think when it comes to cancer, it's considered a set of diseases more likely seen in the older population. If you looked at some specific cancers, the NHS say they are most common in over 70's. But then, when you get into these older stages you will find pretty much everything is anyway. It's just that time of life. I bet you some of the older members on here would tell you this, my mum & dad certainly would and they are mid seventies. At their age you start seeing your friends & family disappear to all sorts of things and like my folks have always said, it's just how it is at those ages.
You are still young. Yes, cancers and other things related to the heart start to become more of a risk BUT that doesn't mean you get any of them, just that it is more likely than someone younger & fitter.
---------- Post added at 06:06 ---------- Previous post was at 06:02 ----------
I seem to recall discussing this with you on an earlier thread and the NHS stated there was a failure rate with these tests BUT that they also stated where it happens the doctor follows it up with more tests to rule anything out.
So, doesn't it just mean that these tests are 100%? But then so are many things. People often say "biopsies are the absolute gold standard", yet biopsies come back inconclusive in a certain %. I know this because of what my GF's mum went through and what then happened is the doctors just switched to a different test, a PET scan in this case, which proved what they were looking at was X.
Tests fail all the time. It gets reported as a fail and a doctor knows the results are invalid and needs to do something else. They wouldn't just leave the issue, they would want to be sure there is nothing there and the reason they do this is because there are the cases where something actually is there and they need to get them treatment as soon as possible. Any doctor not following that up is going to end up under investigation for some form of negligence or should be at least.
I am hoping that when I see my gp about cbt that I won't have to wait too long. I need to get this under control before my mental health breaks down completely.
The thing about being 50 and cancer being more likely is definitely making the issue worse, I have this voice in my head telling me that it's absolutely inevitable, that I'm absolutely definitely going to die of cancer. There's so many scary stories out there about people not knowing they had cancer and dying within a few months. It's horrendous.
Re the bowel screening, the stories I read were about people that have been symptomless and have been sending off their tests every 2 years but they still end up with bowel cancer. Not all tumours bleed, so how good is this testing then?
The truth is is that the tests will only pick up blood in the stool if blood is there on any of the 3 samples. If a potential tumour isn't bleeding then the result will be negative BUT there will be other symptoms which would indicate that the GP needs to refer to a colorectal surgeon.
I'm a bit older than you and get what you mean about being in the age group where they overtest you to be on the safe side. It is all about living with uncertainty which we find very hard. I really hope that you will be able to brave the GP and ask for a referral for CBT therapy-would your daughter be able to give you moral support?
MyNameIsTerry
09-12-16, 13:48
But do you think that means that they send off tests every 2 years because they are monitoring for it, yet fate dealt them a blow in between the times they tested? That's what I make of this. Testing without symptoms is looking out for something and it can be sensible or obsessive (and mentally unwise as the anxiety will upset you all the time and you never move on) but you can never stop something that just happens to any of us. Isn't this where we can only do what we can to minimise our potential risk factors and then just live our lives?
I think you need help with how you handle these thoughts and the reinforcing behaviours like the checking. As you get older, you will have absolutely no choice but to accept this because it's just the natural cycle of life. I'm younger than you so I'm still learning the lessons you have but I what I'm saying here is what my parents believe and they are mid seventies. At their age, they are losing people any time of the year because it's just that point in their lives and they just accept it and don't allow themselves to dwell on it as it would only rob them of the years left.
Acceptance is going to be a key thing for you I believe because this issue you are focussed on will increase as you approach more key age stages. I'm 40 now and I can't believe the amount of aches & pains I've started having over the past few years. I feel like an old man! And I need to tackle this as it affects the quality of my life and other than try things to improve it, I will have to accept that I'm getting older.
Your subconscious is saying you will get cancer. But you rationally know there is no way for you to predict the future. What if we all had that same thought? If we all were going to get what you fear, no one would ever make it to those twilight years BUT look how many millions of people make it to those years? Isn't that proof against your thoughts?
You may even die of cancer, I may, BUT what if that time comes when we are in our eighties? At that age you are on borrowed time anyway and every year is surely a gift to cherish? But once you are this age you won't fear these things as much because you will have accepted that something is going to happen in the near future anyway and it may be cancer or a heart issue or you may just peacefully go (as we would all wish for), but you will accept it as possibility and not let it ruin those days.
Try to use things like that to counter thoughts. Say to yourself when you get those thoughts about getting "maybe I will, but I may be 95 then and will it be so bad?". The more we stop the fear reaction, we pull the rug from under the power these thoughts have on us and the fear goes because the subconscious learns from this that the horrible thoughts it is sending mean nothing because you react as if you don't care. This is not easy to do and with your anxiety being so bad now, it will take time, but it is possible and I know from experience on this one.
I wonder if we have any members on NMP in their 70s and 80s with HA?
I wonder if we have any members on NMP in their 70s and 80s with HA?
My psych once told me that you reach a certain age where you accept that you are going to die. He told me to go and talk to some elderly people and ask them how they felt about it and I would learn that they no longer feared dying. So I guess if he is right then by the time you get into your 70s you have come to terms with your eventual demise.
---------- Post added at 20:54 ---------- Previous post was at 20:30 ----------
I am very wary of what I read. When my HA was high I came across a site where people who had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer talked about how they found out they had it eg symptoms, tests, diagnosis etc. Some of them had passed away but their stories remained. The first story I read was that of a male who had passed away and it was a very detailed recount of his battle against PC. Within a few days I was experiencing some of the same symptoms as he did. I was constantly checking my skin expecting to see signs of jaundice. After a trip to emergency, countless trips to my doctor and a few tests I finally accepted I didn't have PC. So yeah I'm very careful about what I read.
I think you have to discipline yourself not to read stuff because the mind is so suggestive and powerful. Give it an inch and it will take a physical symptom mile.
The truth is is that the tests will only pick up blood in the stool if blood is there on any of the 3 samples. If a potential tumour isn't bleeding then the result will be negative BUT there will be other symptoms which would indicate that the GP needs to refer to a colorectal surgeon.
I'm a bit older than you and get what you mean about being in the age group where they overtest you to be on the safe side. It is all about living with uncertainty which we find very hard. I really hope that you will be able to brave the GP and ask for a referral for CBT therapy-would your daughter be able to give you moral support?
How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?
I have been reading about a gp in Glasgow called Margaret McCartney who questions the screening tests and how beneficial they are. It makes interesting reading. She has articles in the bmj and has won awards for her writings. She thinks that overtesting is harmful in a number of ways as do a number of gps that written comments on her blog.
I'm going to ask my counsellor to come with me to the gp, she is lovely and I think she'll be able to help me put my point across, but of course I don't know how long I'll have to wait to see someone. I don't really want to lean too heavily on my oldest daughter as she has bpd and anxiety, a son with adhd and autism and has recently had a baby so it would be unfair on her. My 25 year old daughter said to me the other day "you're not the same as you used to be"😪 I've lost myself in all of this.
Thank you for your kind and sensible words.
---------- Post added at 13:58 ---------- Previous post was at 13:41 ----------
But do you think that means that they send off tests every 2 years because they are monitoring for it, yet fate dealt them a blow in between the times they tested? That's what I make of this. Testing without symptoms is looking out for something and it can be sensible or obsessive (and mentally unwise as the anxiety will upset you all the time and you never move on) but you can never stop something that just happens to any of us. Isn't this where we can only do what we can to minimise our potential risk factors and then just live our lives?
I think you need help with how you handle these thoughts and the reinforcing behaviours like the checking. As you get older, you will have absolutely no choice but to accept this because it's just the natural cycle of life. I'm younger than you so I'm still learning the lessons you have but I what I'm saying here is what my parents believe and they are mid seventies. At their age, they are losing people any time of the year because it's just that point in their lives and they just accept it and don't allow themselves to dwell on it as it would only rob them of the years left.
Acceptance is going to be a key thing for you I believe because this issue you are focussed on will increase as you approach more key age stages. I'm 40 now and I can't believe the amount of aches & pains I've started having over the past few years. I feel like an old man! And I need to tackle this as it affects the quality of my life and other than try things to improve it, I will have to accept that I'm getting older.
Your subconscious is saying you will get cancer. But you rationally know there is no way for you to predict the future. What if we all had that same thought? If we all were going to get what you fear, no one would ever make it to those twilight years BUT look how many millions of people make it to those years? Isn't that proof against your thoughts?
You may even die of cancer, I may, BUT what if that time comes when we are in our eighties? At that age you are on borrowed time anyway and every year is surely a gift to cherish? But once you are this age you won't fear these things as much because you will have accepted that something is going to happen in the near future anyway and it may be cancer or a heart issue or you may just peacefully go (as we would all wish for), but you will accept it as possibility and not let it ruin those days.
Try to use things like that to counter thoughts. Say to yourself when you get those thoughts about getting "maybe I will, but I may be 95 then and will it be so bad?". The more we stop the fear reaction, we pull the rug from under the power these thoughts have on us and the fear goes because the subconscious learns from this that the horrible thoughts it is sending mean nothing because you react as if you don't care. This is not easy to do and with your anxiety being so bad now, it will take time, but it is possible and I know from experience on this one.
I just worry that I could hand in my sample every 2 years and it come back clear but still end up having bowel cancer because the test didn't pick anything up when there was actually a problem. It happens and it scares me.
I'm not actually too scared of dying, it's dying young and leaving my kids, especially my 13 and 9 year old, it's the thought of their grief that torments me. Their dad isn't very good at all the important things to do with childcare and housekeeping. They need me at least for another 10 years. My mum died of a stroke when she was just 45, my younger sister was only 14 at the time, it was awful. I feel guilty that I had my last two kids at an older age, and I feel that I was selfish to do that so it's my fault if I die and they will be left devastated.
I do think that when you're older it is an acceptance of your life nearing its end. My dad used to say something about that, he spoke in a very matter of fact way about facing your mortality when your older. He was 78 when he died of pneumonia after going into hospital with a urine infection. He had ms for around 30+ years, and was an incredibly strong and positive man. He was and still is my absolute hero.
Thank you for your input, you really have helped me to rationalise and it helps so much to speak to someone who understands how I feel.
You'll get your old self back with some much needed help and support from an experienced therapist..It may seem to much to hope for at the moment but you will and if your counsellor can support you when you visit the GP at least you will have made that crucial first step towards getting help..
I'm 58 and in that ghastly "test for everything" bracket. I've told my GP I only want tests when they are clinically necessary and not to cover the GP's back.
You'll get your old self back with some much needed help and support from an experienced therapist..It may seem to much to hope for at the moment but you will and if your counsellor can support you when you visit the GP at least you will have made that crucial first step towards getting help..
I'm 58 and in that ghastly "test for everything" bracket. I've told my GP I only want tests when they are clinically necessary and not to cover the GP's back.
I miss the old me too! I vowed the last time this happened that I wouldn't let it happen again, so a massive fail there.
Do you do your bowel screening test, mammogram and smear tests? I have spoken to a few friends about the bowel screening and have been quite surprised at the number of them that haven't done it.
Really need to climb out of this hole of misery and self obsession that I've created, I'm worried that I'll ruin Christmas for everyone.
---------- Post added at 17:42 ---------- Previous post was at 14:08 ----------
Went out to get a little Christmas shopping, was only in the shop for about 15 minutes when my stomach started churning and the anxiety hit! I just wanted to get home. Had to use the bathroom and was sure I would have diahorreah, but surprisingly it was well formed (sorry tmi) although I very rarely have to go in the afternoon. Is this likely because of the anxiety? Sorry for the reassurance seeking.
Hi,
I just thought I'd respond to your post as I know how you feel. I too get IBS and at times of worry it gets worse loose stools. I too have a a tiny bit of bright red blood on toliet paper on and off for years.
My fixation is Breast C that's what is ruining my life, I'm currently waiting to see my consultant about a lump and I'm petrified yet again.
I am determined to have a good Christmas though without worrying as you only get one life. I'll go back to worrying in Jan when my appointment is.
I too struggle with showers, because I check obbsessiveky and always find something to worry about.
I hope you manage to beat this and find peace with your partner xx
I have 3 yearly mammograms, have been scanned for ovarian cancer because of urine frequency, have just had a sigmoidoscopy for constant rectal pain but have yet to be sent the dreaded fobt kit because I'm too young! (60+ in England)
I have 2 adult children on the autistic spectrum, both live at home and my daughter is very dependant on me being alive as I am her one and only carer! My eggs are very much in one basket so there is pressure to keep well.
I think you should keep things simple as your brain is very overworked and exhausted. The number one thing I would suggest you to do is stop reading bowel cancer related stuff off the net. It doesn't apply to you and you are in charge of your own physical and mental health. You need to get the control back and have confidence that you are taking control of your recovery from another bout of debilitating HA. You have a plan to go to the GP with your counsellor and ask for that referral for therapy-don't get deflected from that plan. You will get your old self back again as you did before.
MyNameIsTerry
11-12-16, 05:54
I miss the old me too! I vowed the last time this happened that I wouldn't let it happen again, so a massive fail there.
Do you do your bowel screening test, mammogram and smear tests? I have spoken to a few friends about the bowel screening and have been quite surprised at the number of them that haven't done it.
Really need to climb out of this hole of misery and self obsession that I've created, I'm worried that I'll ruin Christmas for everyone.
---------- Post added at 17:42 ---------- Previous post was at 14:08 ----------
Went out to get a little Christmas shopping, was only in the shop for about 15 minutes when my stomach started churning and the anxiety hit! I just wanted to get home. Had to use the bathroom and was sure I would have diahorreah, but surprisingly it was well formed (sorry tmi) although I very rarely have to go in the afternoon. Is this likely because of the anxiety? Sorry for the reassurance seeking.
I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself for Xmas. It would be better to see how things go and try to take each day, and each hour, as it is (if you can, I know it's one big slog each day when it's like this) because pressure will make it harder for you.
I used to have the toilet troubles. I would feel nausea in cars or on buses (need to escape, felt trapped) and I would a little bit of wind and think I needed to get to a toilet when I was out of the house. I would go religiously each day and sometimes keep going to try and empty myself so it couldn't happen but then the slightest bit of wind again and I would be worried. It was all about the worry of losing control and the embarrassment of an accident.
It has NEVER happened to me though. Never. In all the nausea sessions I've had, I've never once been sick. I've never once had an accident. I've had plenty of the runs though, often after eating. I think when you are so sensitised you do suffer with loose bowels much more because of the adrenaline levels. So, keeping meals light and things that are less likely to cause wind, can help.
I have 3 yearly mammograms, have been scanned for ovarian cancer because of urine frequency, have just had a sigmoidoscopy for constant rectal pain but have yet to be sent the dreaded fobt kit because I'm too young! (60+ in England)
I have 2 adult children on the autistic spectrum, both live at home and my daughter is very dependant on me being alive as I am her one and only carer! My eggs are very much in one basket so there is pressure to keep well.
I think you should keep things simple as your brain is very overworked and exhausted. The number one thing I would suggest you to do is stop reading bowel cancer related stuff off the net. It doesn't apply to you and you are in charge of your own physical and mental health. You need to get the control back and have confidence that you are taking control of your recovery from another bout of debilitating HA. You have a plan to go to the GP with your counsellor and ask for that referral for therapy-don't get deflected from that plan. You will get your old self back again as you did before.
Thank you again for continuing to reply to me.
I absolutely love being a mum, it's my reason for being, but it's the worry that goes with it that's so hard to cope with. I'm tormented by thoughts of my children having to cope without me, they need me.
I am trying so hard to get myself out of this but it's not easy and sometimes when I feel a bit better something will happen that sets me back. I'm still having issues with checking although not quite as bad as before. It's the fear that's all consuming.
It must be tough for you having 2 daughters on the spectrum but you sound like a strong person. I hope I can find that kind of strength.
---------- Post added at 09:08 ---------- Previous post was at 08:59 ----------
I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself for Xmas. It would be better to see how things go and try to take each day, and each hour, as it is (if you can, I know it's one big slog each day when it's like this) because pressure will make it harder for you.
I used to have the toilet troubles. I would feel nausea in cars or on buses (need to escape, felt trapped) and I would a little bit of wind and think I needed to get to a toilet when I was out of the house. I would go religiously each day and sometimes keep going to try and empty myself so it couldn't happen but then the slightest bit of wind again and I would be worried. It was all about the worry of losing control and the embarrassment of an accident.
It has NEVER happened to me though. Never. In all the nausea sessions I've had, I've never once been sick. I've never once had an accident. I've had plenty of the runs though, often after eating. I think when you are so sensitised you do suffer with loose bowels much more because of the adrenaline levels. So, keeping meals light and things that are less likely to cause wind, can help.
I went out yesterday because my daughter was wanting to buy a blank canvas and paints so that she could paint a picture for her big brother. I felt ok to begin with and even managed to pick up a couple of presents. But then I started to get that feeling in my stomach and I started to feel panicky. I feel so bad for my kids because I can't do the things with them that I normally do. They are suffering because of me.
I work on a checkout and I sometimes get the same sensations when I'm working, it's terrifies me. Even at home I feel panic rising when I get these feelings. Going to the toilet scares me, how do I get round this?
Even showering is a huge challenge and I've been showering less than usual, I'm so ashamed.
It's your reaction to the feeling in your stomach which is crucial here.If you can tone down that reaction it will impact on your level of anxiety and make things more manageable..This will be very hard to begin with. I try to become bored of my own symptoms and not paying much attention to them gives them far less significance. Sometimes this is just impossible and adds more stress though. It depends how severe your anxiety is. I find distraction impossible when I am at my worst.
Well done for still managing to work through this. That's no mean feat.
MyNameIsTerry
11-12-16, 13:28
Firstly, please don't feel ashamed about the showering issue. We understand on here and you won't be judged for it. I was the same as you there, I went weeks without shaving or showering, even sitting on the toilet was an issue at one point as the panic would rise as I went. I can tell you I've seen others on here talk about the inability to keep to showering and I've sat in group meetings where it's been discussed. The lady (older than you) admitted to this and was very embarrassed and what she got was 15 other people telling her they had all been there too and not to be embarrassed.
Try to work on it bit by bit. If it's about the sensations, the steam, the aches, feeling overcome by it, etc then if you can not stop altogether, that's good. Just increase it bit by bit. It can help to do it at times when your anxiety is naturally lower in your day too as it can get you more used to having it back in a regular routine.
I agree with pulisa, just getting out and doing things is an achievement. You could have avoided all of that and not even tried but you still went out and tried to do things. If matters more that you tried and managed some rather than all. The all will come as you start recovering.
Cutting down reactions is very important. It's very hard to do though as it goes completely against what the fear reaction is there for, and it was created to be strong for a reason. It's not just about changing your thoughts, it's about repetition to prove to your subconscious that this is not something you need to be afraid of.
With regard to your kids suffering, try to see it like any physical problem. They would miss out just the same if you were physically ill for some reason or had an accident that meant you were stuck in the house. Is it so different? We tend to kick ourselves because it's a mental health issue and we automatically see it as a failing and not on a par with a physical concern but that's wrong. Try to see it the same way and cut down on kicking yourself. I know it's not easy, I went through all those stages too, but it does take a lot of pressure off you and helps your moods too when you finally realise with certainty that it's not how you are seeing it.
Which parts scare you about going to the toilet? Is it sensations? Panic rising as you are going? Or is it still about the checking side?
I try to reason with myself when I feel the sensations and try to minimise it, sometimes it works but mostly I just get more anxious and panicky. I'm worried that I'll eventually be unable to leave the house. I'm working today and I feel so distracted from my work because of the constant thoughts in my head. Normally when I'm this bad I would be signed off but I can't risk losing my job and I need the money.
Sitting in the canteen just now at work and everyone is having a Christmas lunch and I'm sitting here on my own in a high state of anxiety unable to eat or join in. I just want to be normal
MyNameIsTerry
11-12-16, 13:40
I just worry that I could hand in my sample every 2 years and it come back clear but still end up having bowel cancer because the test didn't pick anything up when there was actually a problem. It happens and it scares me.
I'm not actually too scared of dying, it's dying young and leaving my kids, especially my 13 and 9 year old, it's the thought of their grief that torments me. Their dad isn't very good at all the important things to do with childcare and housekeeping. They need me at least for another 10 years. My mum died of a stroke when she was just 45, my younger sister was only 14 at the time, it was awful. I feel guilty that I had my last two kids at an older age, and I feel that I was selfish to do that so it's my fault if I die and they will be left devastated.
I do think that when you're older it is an acceptance of your life nearing its end. My dad used to say something about that, he spoke in a very matter of fact way about facing your mortality when your older. He was 78 when he died of pneumonia after going into hospital with a urine infection. He had ms for around 30+ years, and was an incredibly strong and positive man. He was and still is my absolute hero.
Thank you for your input, you really have helped me to rationalise and it helps so much to speak to someone who understands how I feel.
Many of us understand, rainbow, we just want to help you in some way as we remember how bad it was at this stage. I'm sure we all agree that if we can help even in a small way, it's so worth it!
Your dad must have had quite a lot of practice at accepting reality with having MS all those years. And he got to a good age too. I can imagine he is your hero going through all that and maintaining positivity. That's a very important thing to keep going no matter what the health issue we are dealing with. He got his head around something horrible and learned to live his life however he can and that's someone who is to be admired by us all on here!
Your kids will always need you, rainbow.
Does the fact your mum died around your age plague your thoughts with your anxiety? It must have affected you greatly and your anxiety will be seeing how you & your sister suffered to point to your kids. But we never know what will happen and you have more chance of being around to walk them down the aisle and see them have kids than you have of not being around.
Again, acceptance is going to be very important to you here because you are worrying about some big "what ifs" that are very likely to never come true.
---------- Post added at 13:40 ---------- Previous post was at 13:36 ----------
I try to reason with myself when I feel the sensations and try to minimise it, sometimes it works but mostly I just get more anxious and panicky. I'm worried that I'll eventually be unable to leave the house. I'm working today and I feel so distracted from my work because of the constant thoughts in my head. Normally when I'm this bad I would be signed off but I can't risk losing my job and I need the money.
Sitting in the canteen just now at work and everyone is having a Christmas lunch and I'm sitting here on my own in a high state of anxiety unable to eat or join in. I just want to be normal
You can be again, you have been before. You just need some support & time to get you there.
Trust me, I remember it well. Feeling like I was going to be sick at team meals and feeling the panic trying to take me over. Running to the toilets thinking I would be sick. I never was, never. It didn't make it any easier, that took a load of time to work on things.
I could still get out. I won't lie, mine did escalate into being stuck in the house but for me that only came when I started meds and I've struggled starting both meds I've tried over the last 10 years and each has given me a month or two of agoraphobia.
If you can maintain your job, if your job isn't making you worse, it's worth trying to stay in anyway. Having more time at home and feeling isolated is a double edged sword. I had to get away from my job as it was the workplace that was the major trigger but I knew once I went off sick I would just worry anyway and it would become about everything else. If you don't have work as a major trigger and you can persevere with it, it might help you there.
Many of us understand, rainbow, we just want to help you in some way as we remember how bad it was at this stage. I'm sure we all agree that if we can help even in a small way, it's so worth it!
Your dad must have had quite a lot of practice at accepting reality with having MS all those years. And he got to a good age too. I can imagine he is your hero going through all that and maintaining positivity. That's a very important thing to keep going no matter what the health issue we are dealing with. He got his head around something horrible and learned to live his life however he can and that's someone who is to be admired by us all on here!
Your kids will always need you, rainbow.
Does the fact your mum died around your age plague your thoughts with your anxiety? It must have affected you greatly and your anxiety will be seeing how you & your sister suffered to point to your kids. But we never know what will happen and you have more chance of being around to walk them down the aisle and see them have kids than you have of not being around.
Again, acceptance is going to be very important to you here because you are worrying about some big "what ifs" that are very likely to never come true.
---------- Post added at 13:40 ---------- Previous post was at 13:36 ----------
You can be again, you have been before. You just need some support & time to get you there.
Trust me, I remember it well. Feeling like I was going to be sick at team meals and feeling the panic trying to take me over. Running to the toilets thinking I would be sick. I never was, never. It didn't make it any easier, that took a load of time to work on things.
I could still get out. I won't lie, mine did escalate into being stuck in the house but for me that only came when I started meds and I've struggled starting both meds I've tried over the last 10 years and each has given me a month or two of agoraphobia.
If you can maintain your job, if your job isn't making you worse, it's worth trying to stay in anyway. Having more time at home and feeling isolated is a double edged sword. I had to get away from my job as it was the workplace that was the major trigger but I knew once I went off sick I would just worry anyway and it would become about everything else. If you don't have work as a major trigger and you can persevere with it, it might help you there.
Thank you for your very kind words about my dad, he died 12 years ago but I still miss him so much. He never gave into his illness and he had an amazing sense of humour. I wish I had half his strength.
The showering issue is that I'm scared that I'll find something to worry about while in the shower, lumps and bumps. The bathroom to me is a pretty hostile place atm. Even trying to clean the bathroom is difficult. This makes me sound crazy. Having a bowel movement induces intense fear and panic because I'm terrified that I'll have diaorreah or see something that scares me.
I'm not sure if my mum's death has had any bearing on my anxiety but it was an incredibly stressful time as I was 8 months pregnant when she died and my dad had just had a heart attack and I was visiting them both in the same hospital. Strangely enough I don't worry about, heart issues, ms or strokes.
I'm desperate to get the old me back, I'm worried that I'm going to ruin christmas for everyone. I sometimes think I'll just go to the dr and ask for all kinds of testing so I can know one way or the other but the thought of that terrifies me beyond words.
Do you think that if you were able to put yourself through say, a colonoscopy, that you would be fully reassured that you don't have bowel cancer or would you still be worried that something had been missed?
Do you think that if you were able to put yourself through say, a colonoscopy, that you would be fully reassured that you don't have bowel cancer or would you still be worried that something had been missed?
I'm not too sure really, I think if I had one and it all looked ok then I would probably feel huge relief but I probably would worry still that something had been missed. The problem is being able to actually go through with any testing at all without breaking down completely, which is a huge worry for me. I'm only just managing to hold myself together as it is.
I worry so much that if I don't get testing done that I'll be riddled with cancer and die very quickly. These thoughts torture me on a daily basis. I'm tired of forcing a smile, of conversation, of living like this. Every day filled with fear and anxiety.
If your GP were to tell you that you had no red flag symptoms for bowel cancer and didn't need any investigative tests would you believe him? What would be mentally worse for you-being referred for tests or being told you had anxiety-related IBS (when you fear you have bowel cancer)?
I'd like to think that I would believe him but I can't be sure. I really don't know what to do for the best. Working on my anxiety seems the most sensible thing to do but of course that's easier said than done.
If I were in your shoes I think I would tell the GP about everything and then say that I would trust his clinical judgement if I needed tests or not. I wouldn't want tests for "peace of mind" or as a fob off to get me out of his room. Tests purely on clinical need.
If he decides that the overriding problem is your anxiety then I'd hope that he would refer you for urgent CBT (if there is such a thing as urgent as regards CBT). If you've lost 2 stones in a short space of time due to lack of food/ fear of eating because of your bowels then I'd say you badly need psychological help and support to start eating a decent amount again and to try to manage your fear of bowel movements.
I'm hoping that I will eventually be able to go to my gp and discuss everything but I can't just now until I try to Lowe my anxiety. Hopefully the cbt can help me deal with my intense fear of anything medical.
Just wondering if anyone knows anything about hypnotherapy, I've contacted one in my town about helping with the anxiety. The cost is 60 pounds an hour. Would I be wasting my money?
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