Have I alienated my two best friends??

[Roosterruby]

Hi, there!
I've gotten myself into quite the problem because of my social anxiety. My ex (and best friend) has a good friend of theirs visiting and I was given the opportunity to meet her! I met her (lets call her Sarah for the sake of the story, and let's call my partner Hayden.) and we had a good time two nights in a row. One of the nights, my social anxiety and IBS made the situation really uncomfortable for me and I had to leave early, but other than that, things have gone smoothly between me and Sarah and Hayden.
So the issue is: Today we went out to eat all together and had a great time. Then, I decided to go home and they went to a nearby thrift store. A couple hours later, Hayden messages me saying that they are on the way to my house with Sarah (because they have bought something for me at the thrift store)! I am terrified because my house smells (my roommates are messy!!!) and I look unseemly, and there are clothes to be folded laying on my bed! I call Hayden in a panic and ask for Sarah not to come over because of this (I apologize profusely to both of them, because they are already at the bus stop closest to my house!). Hayden says it's okay and they take the bus back to Hayden's house.
A few minutes later, I message Hayden saying I am really apologetic and would love to buy them a pizza or something to make up for my bad behavior. I also state how bad I feel because they bought me a gift and I wouldn't even let them come in!

SO- In short, I feel like both Hayden and Sarah think I'm absolutely crazy and unlikeable and that I have alienated both of them. What do you all think of my situation? Has anybody else done something similar because of their social anxiety? Would love to get some support, stories of similar things happening. I feel so unlikeable and alone.
Thank you, everybody! This site truly is a Godsend for me!
:hugs:

[Catherine S]

Well it seems that it's more of a messy house issue than a social issue, as i think most people would feel uncomfortable in that situation if people were coming by without much notice and you have no time to prepare. Some people wouldn't care about it, but others would and that's got nothing to do with any mental health issues, it's down to how house proud you are or not.

Also, if 'Hayden' was your boyfriend in the past and is still a friend now, then he will know your personality and your anxiety issues, so I doubt he will think badly of you. I think it's probably only you who thinks this.

ISB x

[Roosterruby]

Thank you for comforting me, I Still Believe! I never really know what is reasonable and what is my anxiety flaring up and causing me to act "unreasonable" (though why do our anxiety-provoked actions have to be labeled as "unreasonable"?).
I worry a lot that the people I care about will get fed up with my anxiety and finally call it quits.. I hope this isn't the case here!

[randomforeigner]

If you tell them exactly how it was, I don't think they'll be alienated... who has not at some point kicked some stuff into the nearest closet, filling it to the brim with junk, when confronted with a surprise visit? That said, being met by a closed door... well... some people can be rather miffed by this, and it may stick for a long time.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I agree with Cath, I think this is a much bigger issue to you than them. They may think it's a bit of an annoyance as it was a well meant thing but if you explain you felt a bit embarrassed because you hadn't tidied up I can see them both saying 'oh, I've been there too' as it's what a lot of people would do.

It's more that you are seeing it as a much bigger issue due to the skewed thinking due to anxiety, it's obvious you are catastrophizing here.

[Roosterruby]

Thank you for helping me out, everybody! Everything turned out to be fine with the two of them. I explained my situation as suggested and they were super understanding and we all went on to have a nice time! You all are great! <3

[Dave1]

If I was Hayden, when you did your crazy anxious apology I'd want to hug you!