View Full Version : Help feeling better despite circumstances
Anybody got any advice on how I can not go bed feeling frightened , guilty and really unhappy and how to deal with the same thing in the morning ...? .I'm 31 with no career, no girlfriend , no life and no clue how to solve it and just feel happy ....how can I accept where I am ?
---------- Post added at 22:47 ---------- Previous post was at 22:00 ----------
Any advice ?
Have you contacted the Samaritans or spoken with a mental health professional? If so, what did they advise?
Positive thoughts
yeh speak to them all the time -doesnt help
---------- Post added at 08:39 ---------- Previous post was at 08:10 ----------
they basically advised nothing because they cant -their not allowed to give advice....they just try to convince me that im not old and that il find someone soon and everything will work out well etc etc
yeh speak to them all the time -doesnt help
---------- Post added at 08:39 ---------- Previous post was at 08:10 ----------
they basically advised nothing because they cant -their not allowed to give advice....they just try to convince me that im not old and that il find someone soon and everything will work out well etc etc
Ok, so they offer reassurance. That's not much different than most do here on this site. The site is great in that you know you're not alone in your struggles but the point being, no one here is a trained mental health professional and it's not a replacement for real life professional help. You're talking about more than just anxiety and depression and it's pretty serious stuff! No one wants to see that happen nor is anyone going to discuss painless ways of doing so.
What I and others are suggesting is just that...professional intervention. I saw you were on meds and were talking about coming off after only two weeks. Psychotropics are a funny thing and going on then stopping can cause side effects that can make you feel worse. Again, this is something to be discussed and monitored by a medical or mental health professional.
You'll find support here but it has to start with you. You have to want to get better and make the positive changes in your life.
I hope you do.
Positive thoughts
i was frightened that being on them that i wouldnt be able to have a relationship ...i have wanted a gf for a long time now and now im having to take tablets that destroy libido -...so one if the things that was making me anxious was being alone and not having someone here now and now im having to take a tablet which will make me useless to women.....
A caring girlfriend would want you to be mentally well whether your libido were affected or not. Some things are just more important.
im standing in bar on saturday looking at the barmaid who has smiled at me a couple of times and rather than a hint of excitement running through me is this deep fear that if i was getting intermittant with her i wouldnt be able to please here and on these tablets its just making it worse
MyNameIsTerry
05-12-16, 14:00
Have you been feeling more depressed since starting your med?
Meds can cause sexual disfunction as a side effect which will go as your body adjusts. If it doesn't, your GP can switch you to another as it doesn't always happen on each one or even add something to counter it if their is no other way.
Are you still on 37.5mg? That's nowhere near therapeutic dose so it's early days yet on the help front from your Ven.
No no really, and yeh im still on 37.5mg
---------- Post added at 14:24 ---------- Previous post was at 14:13 ----------
no more anxious than i was before i started taking them -i didnt stop taking them -i took them for 2 weeks and then panicked about the sex thing based on what i read so i cut them to half a tablet everyday for the last week but i had a chat with someone and with myself and decided to commit to them and took full tablet again last night
MyNameIsTerry
05-12-16, 14:38
You will find many of us on here understand about the worry over side effects. I've only tried 2 meds and found them a very difficult experience to get through.
2 weeks is far too soon to judge side effects. Also, remember you now have to re balance your blood plasma with the dose changes. That takes 3 days with Ven. This may string out the side effects window a little but unless you are sensitive to the med, with being on such a low dose, it may not impact you much.
I think you need to consider the fact you are on such a low dose it's unlikely they will help right now. Your doctor will have started you at this level to build you up slowly so side effects are less of an issue. A sensible strategy. The downside is that it will take longer to start helping you. Also Ven has quite a dosage range and your doctor will need to play with that too find what works for you and Ven is only a SSRI until you cross the 150mg threshold.
so loneliness until im off them?
---------- Post added at 14:53 ---------- Previous post was at 14:49 ----------
it so upsetting that im taking a drug thats meant help me and it actually has side affects which keeps me single anyway? -its a doubled edged sword
Women aren't attracted to men because they can get an erection.
Never thought I'd write that today when I woke up.
If you want to get a girlfriend you need to start feeling a bit more positive about yourself. Easier said than done, but unless you start you will never get there.
A girlfriend won't just appear out of thin air just because you need one.
Women aren't attracted to men because they can get an erection.
Never thought I'd write that today when I woke up.
If you want to get a girlfriend you need to start feeling a bit more positive about yourself. Easier said than done, but unless you start you will never get there.
A girlfriend won't just appear out of thin air just because you need one.
Well said SLA...
Wayne, sexual dysfunction can be a side effect of meds but everyone is different and until that time comes, it's more important to get well mentally. I'm glad to hear you're continuing on them. It takes a while for them to begin working so sticking with it is important. Then, if you have issues, you can discuss it with your doctor and find a better strategy from a med standpoint.
As far as being alone? Been there done that for many, many years myself. As far as attracting the opposite sex? Self assurance and confidence is more attractive than an erection as SLA said. Getting yourself together mentally will do wonders for you socially and that's what I believe is most important now IMO.
I'm 25 years your senior. I divorced and got into the inevitable rebound relationship and of course it went south and ended. BUT... It made me realize I wasn't ready for a relationship and I worked on myself until I was. While I was lonely at times, I learned to be comfortable being in my own and actually it really had it's benefits. Don't get me wrong, I dated a bit but didn't get into a serious relationship until I met my wife 5 years ago.
So work on yourself, get the real life help you need to do so. Be patient and don't be so hard on yourself. You're young (relatively speaking) and have time. Heck, I met my wife at age 52, a good 12+ years after my divorce and it was worth waiting for and then some!
Positive thoughts
It made me realize I wasn't ready for a relationship and I worked on myself until I was. While I was lonely at times, I learned to be comfortable being in my own and actually it really had it's benefits. Don't get me wrong, I dated a bit but didn't get into a serious relationship until I met my wife 5 years ago.
This might be the most important thing to read Wayne.
Because getting into a relationship won't solve any problems if you are not happy being on your own, and in your own skin.
I spent years trying to find "the one" and when I finally relaxed and overcame my anxiety/depression, and learnt to just "be myself", that is when it happened.
Just because you feel like getting a girlfriend will solve all of your problems, it won't. You are off-loading the responsibility for getting better onto an external factor. (i.e "When I get X I will feel better....") And that isn't the way to beat depression.
If you got into a relationship today, it will feel good and it will be a buzz, but like anything, these "buzzes" soon fade and unless you are emotionally strong and centered you will soon end up feeling crap AND have the pressure of trying to maintain a relationship.
Getting into relationships is the easy part. Holding on to them is where the real fun begins.
Work on you. The rest will happen naturally. Don't worry about getting a boner either.
been on full tablet for 2days and feel numb down their ...great
been on full tablet for 2days and feel numb down their ...great
ive only been taking effexor for 2 weeks -37.5mg...
2 days or 2 weeks is too soon to judge anything and you're hyper-focused on the slim possibility of a potential side effect. Besides the side effect isn't making you "numb down there", it's a decreased desire and difficulty getting "there".
Positive thoughts
I think the fellers on here are doing a fine job of talking to you about meds and possible side effects, so don't have anything to add except that I think it's possible you are hyperfocusing on one symptom and perhaps mentally inducing it. That's something that's happened to me before and it is due to the anxiety.
I agree with everything that's been said about your mental health being the most important thing here. I understand how easy it is to focus on external factors as the reason for your anxiety - but in my view, that may be 50% but the other 50% is the work you do on how you interpret what's going on around you. Sure, you may not feel as though life is going your way at the moment, and make some steps towards improving the concrete factors in your life, which will help; but the other side of the coin is that you absolutely must change your thinking style, too. It is a battle that's hard to win, but as someone upthread has said, even if you were to get the buzz of a new relationship, without feeling better in yourself, you would still struggle.
I'm wishing you lots and lots of luck with what you're going through, it can be extremely hard to deal with what life throws at us, but I'm sure you will pull through.
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