View Full Version : am I suffering from anxiety/depression/health anxiety?
Ok I'm 22 and have an 9 month old baby.
Last year I lost a baby at 8 weeks and during that time was under a lot of pressure from my partner because he did not want the baby anyway. I then got pregnant and again my partner did not want the baby and tried forcing me into a termination right up until 24 weeks. I had to keep my pregnancy a secret until 27 weeks until which time I was showing and people were already gossiping about me. From then I was very happy as my partner came around to rhe idea and I enjoyed the rest of mt pregnancy. I gave birth to my baby the following year and it was a bit of a traumatic birth etc following in infection of both me and baby. I then suffered with about 6 weeks of crying episodes and feeling very low (guessing this is baby blues). I missed being pregnant even though I was so happy to have my little one with me. At about 4 months after giving birth I started to have dizzy spells ans feeling extreme exhaustion. This has now continued and gotten worse in addition to this I have begun experiencing depersonalisafion feelings and strange out of mind feelings, memory loss (mostly short term), feeling like I'm going crazy etc. Vision problems (had floaters for a few years but now extremely dry and tired blurry eyes sensitivity to light etc), skin crawling sensations. I fibd it hard to communicate with abyobe, i end uo gettinf head shakes/bobbing and i cant look at the person. Had blood tests which came back normal. So I am now 9 months after giving birth and in this out of body, feeling numb state with bouts of anxiety and panic and generally feeling extremely tired and unwell and weak. I have a fear of something wrong with me because of these symptoms and the dizziness mainly. I look like a zombie and I'm so pale and under my eyes is black. My baby wakes 2 times a night and I'm still breastfeeding.
I am genuinely petrified that I'm dying as that is how I feel. I've also lost a considerable amount of weight too. Been to the doctors many times bloods came back normal- they refuse to do anymore testing as say they don't want to create a problem that isn't there. I've been prescribed setraline but scared to take them because of side effects reaction etc.
I will also mention that through all of this I am being controlled by my partner. Not allowed to see or soeak to my parents and get spoken to like trash. Various organisations have informed me that I am being emotionally abused. (I know I need to leave but please don't say anything about this).
I guess what I am asking is... could these symptoms be the result of an immense amount of stress and pressure on my mind and body combined with abxiety/depression/agrophobia and social anxiety?
I will also add that I suffered with awful health anxiety when I was about 17 and recovered with cbt. This time it feels different and very severe.
Thank you for reading hopefully I can get some reassurance that this is anxiety and depression. X
---------- Post added at 12:24 ---------- Previous post was at 12:19 ----------
I had an epidural and since about 4 months after birth if I lean or lay on my back my right leg on the thigh goes numb
It could certainly be from all the stress you are under. Unhappy relationship, a baby, health anxiety in the past. The dizziness etc is very common with anxiety.
Are you able to speak to your partner about your issues? Is he the speaking type? I only ask as you say you don't want to discuss leaving him (which I understand entirely) but is he at least willing to speak with you about things? How is he with your baby? As I've mentioned before I've said things in the past that could be classed as emotional abuse (belittling my partner when feeling threatened etc) and it is down to my low self esteem and depression etc. I wonder if your partner could be suffering mental health issues himself.
Your thigh going numb like that sounds like nerve damage. As far as I'm aware quite common with epidurals and spinals.
Have you spoken to your GP about this? That is the best first step you can take.
---------- Post added at 12:42 ---------- Previous post was at 12:39 ----------
Also the paleness and dark circles could be either stress or tiredness if you are still waking up through the night. I remember when having my daughter at the hospital the nurse commented on how pale I was. Having a baby often makes people look tired as waking up during the night comes hand in hand with having a baby.
Duke,
You've spoken about your situation before. I'm truly sorry you're is such a spot. Surely, all the things you spoke of and especially being in an abusive relationship are contributing factors to your negative mental state and the symptoms you're experiencing. I hope you find a way to make positive decisions on your future as well as the future of your child.
Positive thoughts
He doesn't like to speak about things, I try but he just goes silent or goes into another room. Does this sound like issues that could cause someone to become depressed? I've spoken to him about how low and unwell I'm feeling but he gets angry and says I need to pull myself together. He doesn't like the idea of me having councelling or taking medication either. I really want to try to overcome this without medication.
I will go back to rhe gp again and tty to stipulate to them how I'll I feel. Is it normal that anxiety and depression can make you feel like your on deaths door? My dizzinessis like a constant off balance feeling and then episodes of extreme dizziness wheb I can hardly stand. Almost like a falling sensation. This also happens when I'm in bed.
I just hope the gp listens to me... don't know what else to do
---------- Post added at 12:52 ---------- Previous post was at 12:50 ----------
Is paleness and dark under eyes common with anxoety stress and tiredness. Petrified I've got a neurological disease or brain tumour ms etc as I get head bobbing twitches and funny body sensations s.
I just hope the gp listens to me... don't know what else to do
Tell the GP what you've told us about your situation and partner. Perhaps he may be able to help in directing you to an organization that can help you with your situation.
Truly and with respect, you sound like you're being held prisoner :(
Positive thoughts
Duke without makeup on I look like a drug addict my circles are so dark. With makeup on I still look pretty ill. I'm suffering with extreme stress plus anxiety and depression. I'm also pale to the point it looks unhealthy. It can certainly happen when people are under stress.
Yes your partners actions can be depression but that's not to say it definitely is that. Some people are just mean and unfortunately that could include your partner. Was he always this way? Has he ever given you reasons why you aren't allowed to see your relatives or do counselling? Have your relatives ever tried to interfere with your relationship whilst he was present?
I don't think not taking medication is a big deal but counselling and/or therapy can be a great help without any of the side effects from meds. I can understand your partner not wanting you to take meds as they have side effects, but why counselling?
My partner gets angry when I tell him how I'm feeling etc and quite often gives me the 'silent treatment'. We are 28 be 29 and have been together 11 years and he still hangs up the phone on me like a child if I say something that displeases him. I really feel for you.
I love my partner to death but Duke if you are unhappy you will start feeling resentment and anger etc. It isn't good for you.
What would happen if you went against him? Would he become violent (apologies if I've over stepped the mark by asking that and don't feel obliged to answer). I'm just thinking if he isn't a violent person then what's the worst that could happen if you let your family see your baby, take medication or go to therapy?
He was really lovely at the beginning, in all honesty he made me so happy I got over my health anxiety issues and was so happy. Then about a year into the relationship issues started to arise (4 years been together). So for about 3 years rhis has been getting worse ans worse. My parents have never done anything to hurt him nor has mt sisyer. It's so confusing because they would make so muxh of an effort with him and we're always so lovely to him even when they knew what was going on. Now, it's all changed because he's over stepped tje mark by trying ro dtop me from going to my sister's wedding and now various things have been put on social networking sites etc. So I'm getting pressures from everyone really including some nasty messages from his family. So I feel very alone.
He doesn't have a problem with the meds becayse of the side effects it's strange he doednt give me a reason bur says he doednt cate about the side effects. I also think the reason he doesn't want me to have councelling us so I don't talk about our situation to anyone. I often have to do things in secret like seeing family whildt he's at work and going to appointments etc. Although now I've become agropjobic due to my symptoms and fear going out without him. Bad situation really.
I feel a lot of anger and resentment towards him, but I just can't fall out of love with him even though sometimes he can be vile to me. I feel a lot of resentment to his family too as they often see our baby and my family don't get too. They are also rude to me at times ans I feel very anxious and low around them.
If I fought against him he gives me silent treatment, calls me names and makes my life hell. He's never violent and I don't think he would be. He sometimes goes into depression mode and says to me he doednt feel like living anymore. This is us ally if I say I want to leave etc. I feel fearful of standing up to him because he makes me feel very alone and at the moment where I'm scared to go out, drive etc because of how unwell I feel with the dizziness etc it's really horrible because he is my only support person really and he takes that away from me if I stand up to him. If that makes sense. I live on egg shells basically and (when I was confident with driving) I have to race back to get back for him when he returns from work and ensure I haven't left any evidence etc. Sounds so silly and people on the outside can see a clear answer of whay to do... it's hard when it's you going through it x
---------- Post added at 13:26 ---------- Previous post was at 13:24 ----------
Apologies for the typing it's auto correct on my phone x
I understand what you are saying. I've been told many times over to leave my partner (my situation isn't as bad as yours though, my partner isn't particularly controlling or anything).
I also understand what you are saying in that he is your only support (my partner is mine too), but is that not due to him disallowing you from seeing your relatives?
If he won't become violent I'd do what you like, he has no right to tell you and the things he is stopping you from doing aren't just little things. Years ago during arguments my partner used make faint comments about killing himself (no depression, just manipulation in my opinion). I hated it.
I feel like you are stuck and desperate. You need help and shouldn't have to hide that from him.
Perhaps he needs help but if he isn't willing to talk to you then there's nothing you can do.
My family can be quite critical and opinionated, I deal with it because they are my family
If my partners family were rude to me, they'd be told straight up to butt out of my life, they have no right whatsoever.
I know how hard it is when you still love them, but you are desperately unhappy. He isn't letting you do anything. It seems he just wants to control you for controlling sake. He seems very insecure.
Thanks for your reply.
I feel he is my only support because of my fears. My fears of going out etc to see my family mean that I don't feel supported by them (even though they do support me).
I fear doing what I like because how alone he makes me feel afterwards. I fear going out so don't get to see other people. I am unable to contact family as he will get angry about 5hat too and is constantly asking what I'm doing on my phone. When he said he would kill himself I admit it made me not want to leave as I fear for his life. So I guess it could be manipulation?
My family are the loveliest people you could meet. Just genuine lovely people and we've been through a lot in the past together so we've always been very close. I feel intimidated and inadequate around his family so I often go quiet and don't say muxh. However I do wish I could stand up for myself more. I often see his dad making comments which I can tell are sarcastic or for some sort of ulterior motive but his family don't notice... maybe their all the same?
I love him so muxh and I want so muxh for our little family to work but I often find myself thinking about if I was wirh someone else whether I'd be happy etc then get scared of leaving him. I often think that if I left I wouldn't have another relationship because I feel like he's changed me and made me this nervous wreck walking on egg shells and that id act strangely with future relationships because of the way I've been taught to act if that makes sense? I feel like I'm not 4he same person anymore. I even ask myself is this emotional abuse or is it me exaggerating things or maybe this is normal? I always Google online and do quizzes to find out if this is emotional abuse. Sometimes he meets all the signs whereas sometimes he only meets a few so I tell myself I need to just man up.
As I've mentioned before my relationship isn't the same as yours. My partner would never control me. He does blame me for everything though.
Like you say we love them and it makes things so damn hard. I can say though after 11 years, 10 of which were probably unhappy I am completely defeated. I get no joy from motherhood, the school run is a drag, I stuff my face with crap every single day for comfort. I feel severely depressed and although my family are critical which has chipped away at my self esteem I feel like a large part of this is my relationship.
He might change, my partner is a lot more mature at 29 than he was at 22 (not sure how old your partner is, guessed he'd be about your age). He no longer walks out on me or ignores me for days. Your partner may grow up. Or he may not and you'll be stuck like this forever.
I really do feel for you. His family sound mean to be honest. Perhaps he feels that is the 'norm', maybe they even play a part in him not allowing your baby to see your family.
I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope you can find some relief from your situation. That is what I am worried about 5o be honest. I've started to feel very numb and just go about mt day the same as every day if that makes sense.
He is 24 but is on the phone to his mum everyday sometimes more than once. He is very much a mummies boy bur speaks to her like trash. I think he learned rhis growing up to be honest. His family are very helpful with money and buying things etc when we don't ask them too I wonder if this is a way of keeping us close to them? My family try to help but can't because they have been pushed out so my partner uses that my family never help with money etc. U would rather no one helped with money but it gets pushed on us.
I don't think he will ever mature to be honest wheb he's this close to his mum. I don't want to stop him seeing her or anything but sometimes I often feel inadequate and told I'm doing things wrong etc eith my baby even though I am a adult women and have basically brought my baby up on my own. It's so irritating and exhausting.
My family used to be very critical of me (still are just not as bad). From the way I changed my daughters nappy to the way I discipline her. I believe that was a huge contributing factor to my PND. I really feel for you. Yes I can imagine it being so exhausting.
I get the numbness you are feeling too. Some days just slip me by.
He sounds somewhat needy, to need to be on the phone to his Mother everyday (although I know some people do have close relationships like that). Your partner has a cheek, doesn't allow your family to see your baby then moans they aren't helpful with money. Whilst you say they do offer to help you I wouldn't blame them if they didn't though when they have to see you in secret.
I think you need to be more assertive. Just tell him (although I know it's hard as I can't be assertive with my family) he is controlling and you love him but you need some freedom. Perhaps he is scared your relatives will try to take you away from him (I know they won't but maybe he feels threatened by them, that's how I used to feel towards my partners family but that was due to them saying things such as 'don't get settled down' even though I was pregnant).
You honestly can't live like this forever. Something needs to change. You love him and surely he must have a good side for you to stick around. It's probably childish and others would disagree but me personally, I'd tell him to stop seeing his family until you can see yours.
Dontworrybaby
07-12-16, 20:34
Duke please do not underestimate what being woken up twice a night every single night will do to you.....looking after a baby who doesn't sleep through for 9 months now will take it's toll mentally. You must be very sleep deprived and possibly low on vitamins and minerals if breastfeeding. I have a 10 month old who wakes 3-8xs a night, still breastfeeding, I'm struggling....really struggling. We just have to remind ourselves it will pass and soon we will be getting a full nights sleep and things will feel so much better xxx
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