Holiday nerves

[Goldfinch]

Hi, I came off escitalopram a few months ago after taking it for a couple of years. I'm doing OK and have agreed to go to Lapland with my partner in February for the holiday of a lifetime! Now the date is getting closer I'm beginning to feel the fear. I hate flying, and in fact haven't flown for over 15 years, but the main issue seems to be leaving the children for just over a week. They will be 23 and 18, so not exactly babies, and my daughter has been to uni and travelled in Africa, so I'm sure they can cope fine! But the thought of being out of contact (for at least some of the time) and unable to get home quickly in case of any emergency is really preying on my mind. Part of me is saying that if I do this, something terrible will happen. The more rational part is saying that they are old enough, there's plenty of help available at home, they both thought I should go anyway, it's not fair to hold my partner back because of my anxiety, I've always longed to see the Northern Lights ... my mum always wanted to see Italy but never did because of her fear of travelling, and now she's in her 90s in a home and never went anywhere. But in the night I feel that clench of fear in my stomach and I'm worried that it will only get worse and I will either let my partner down at the last minute or have a really bad time while we're away (or, of course, something terrible actually will happen ...) Can anyone relate to this? I should add that my affairs are in order and the children are provided for if anything does happen to me - in fact, I'm worth more dead than alive in monetary terms!!:unsure:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Goldfinch,

Well, when it comes to your kids they would consider you worth far more by a long way in terms of worth alive! Who wouldn't prefer their mum to money?!!!

Whilst this might seem practical, this is not something you want to be thinking about as it will feed the fear more and should the worst ever happen to us at any time in our lives, things always get sorted out by our relatives anyway. It could happen any day of the week, you wouldn't permanently plan for that eventuality to such detail. It certainly wouldn't help with anxiety if you are thinking about your death all the time and most likely the worst part of that situation, worrying about how it would hurt others.

I think you will love Lapland, my brother and his GF have been several times. They say it's a great place to visit. Dog sledding, reindeer sledding, snow mobiles, cross country skiing, etc.

Why would something bad happen? Something bad could happen any day of the week, any country of the world. You will be apart but no different to when your daughter went away. If something even did happen, you could be back in a flash as it's only Lapland. Your kids are surrounded by an infrastructure of support like the NHS, the police, etc. You may be only a phone call away most of the time and would drop your holiday to rush back if you really had to. The reality is, that's extremely unlikely to happen anyway because it hasn't happened the rest of the time you have been here so why would it now just because you won't be?

It's anticipatory anxiety and all the "what ifs" creeping in. But "what if" you go and nothing happens to you or them? "What if" you enjoy yourself and come back with some happy memories and feel the boost of having some good times? "What if" your kids enjoy having a bit more space for a week or so?

They work both ways and one way to combat them is to use positive "what ifs" like above. 3-5 if the norm but more for stronger negatives, if needed.

What would your mum say? Would she tell you to seize this opportunity and not end up where she is? To do the things you want to while you can and have even more happy memories to look back on?

[Goldfinch]

Hi Terry,

Brilliant, you have hit the nail on the head! I'll be working on the positive "what ifs" starting tonight.

What if ... I had a great time and decided flying was fun? Well, it's worth a thought!