There is no way out

[duke27]

Feel like this is the end for me, there is no way out.

I'm 22 and have a 9 month old baby. I'm so confused about what's going on with me and so frightened. Doctors don't listen, they refuse to do any tests other than a blood test which came back normal. Who do I turn to? I feel like I'm wasting away. I can't enjoy anything anymore, I feel numb, like I'm a robot doing the same thing day in and day out. The most heartbreaking aspect is that I feel I am losing out on enjoying the first years of my baby. I feel like a bad mother even though everything I do is for him, I still breastfeed hI'm too. I just feel so alone and emotionless. Yet I manage to feel fear every minute of every day. Why? 😟

I have given up with doctors now. I know my body very well and know that I don't feel right at all. I spend every day sag at home because I fear going out. I spend most of my rime on the sofa becayse I fear standing as I feel so dizzy weak and off balance like I could collapse at any moment. I suffered with health anxiety when I was about 15 ans cbt and various other things such as driving lessons and meeting my partner helped me get over it. This time it's different it feels so muxh worse, which makes me think that these symptoms aren't due to anxiety. Any public place or if someone tries to talk to me I feel severe exhaustion like I can hardly open my eyes, my head bobs constantly and I worry people can see, I struggle to catch my breath when I talk. I get dizzy and feel strange. I feel I can never enjoy things anymore. I'm so worried about Christmas because it means social contact. I can't even speak to people my mind goes blank and I can't speak. Surely that's not anxoety? I often feel like I'm dropping, I can just be watching TV and I'll feel like I'm droppung and then have a surge of adrenaline because I get scared. It's really horrible looking at my son everyday and thinking... I'm about to die. The symptoms trigger my anoxety not the other way round if that makes sense?

I'm so scared of leaving my son without a mother or having a terrible progressive disease and I'll be able to see my son but not play with him etc. I'be had 2 councelling sessions and been prescribed setraline which I'm scared to take. Someone help me? 😟

---------- Post added at 10:16 ---------- Previous post was at 10:14 ----------

I often feel sick and have tummy pains. I feel like I can't eat quite a lot like it gets stuck in my throat. I've lost over 2 stone in 9 months since having my baby but this last 2 months has been about a stone even though I have been eating normally. I also get massive dizzy spells if I'm hungry. What is going on with me �� there is a lump on my mastoid bone behind my ear and I'm convinced it's cancer!

[SLA]

Sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch.

Just reading your experience, and seeing the words you use, makes me realise that you are painting this reality for yourself.


I also get massive dizzy spells if I'm hungry.

Normal. Low blood sugar. In fact a lot of what you describe seems to point to not getting enough calories.

One of the big things that helped me beat HA was mastering my diet, and experimenting with what worked, and what didn't.

[LittleMissAlone]

Has your doctor diagnosed post natal depression? Just knowing that may help you. All the best.

[KeeKee]

Everything you've written sounds like anxiety. You have a 9 month old baby it's normal to lose weight. When I had my daughter I lived on fish and chips (as I still lived with parents and making meals was stressful) and lost weight. I never breastfed but I've also read breastfeeding can encourage weight loss as your body is burning more calories producing milk.

You need therapy in my opinion to help you, you have many stressors in your life at the moment. You said cbt worked before so it can work again for you. I can't believe your doctors haven't offered to refer you for therapy. I'd go back and ask what help is available.

[duke27]

It makes me feel like giving up. My brain is like mush. Can anxiety and depression make you feel like your brain isn't working? Memory loss vision problems unable to read properly unable to speak etc?

[KeeKee]

Yes I'm experiencing all them at the moment. My mind is blank, I slur and stutter my words, tripping over a lot more than usual, dropping things, can't concentrate etc etc. Unfortunately it's 'normal' when you are stressed/anxious/depressed etc.

[duke27]

It's so hard to belive it's just anxoety and stress etc. I am just so tired so so so tired.

[Scottio19]

I'm still not convinced it's anxiety I have but something sinister but I'm guessing all of us with Health Anxiety feels like that?

If it is anxiety then it can make you feel all sorts of stuff, pain to the point of tears in my case so just because it's painful doesn't always means it's life threatening.

I've spent thousands, seen so many doctors who tell me I am healthy and fine but I still feel like days away from just falling down dead.

It's tough with a new born because we should cherish these moments but like you I spend my child's first year basically depressed, scared and unhappy.

I pray you start to feel better

[duke27]

Thank you for your kind words.

I find some days I don't feel as bad and feel a bit happier like at weekends when my partner is home. Although I still get tje physical symptoms I tend to not worry about them as much. However during the week II am in all say just me and my baby

[SLA]

You are tired because your brain is working overtime with worry.

When your brain is stressed, and tired, it feels vulnerable. So then it looks out for potential threats more. Which makes it more stressed, and more tired. It's a downward cycle.

There is a way out.

Don't beat yourself up for feeling like this. Accept it. Do not compound your troubles.
Give yourself small breaks where you just focus on something else entirely. Even if its just 5 minutes. Give yourself permission to not care about anything for 5 minutes. Even tell yourself you can worry again in 5 minutes if you want, but its important to just let go of everything....

Work on fueling your body with exactly what it needs. The right amount of everything. Make that your new obsession if you have to. This helped me significantly overcome anxiety. It's amazing how much anxiety is created by not getting adequate hydration, nutrients, and sleep. The rest is how we think...

[Catherine S]

If you were really ill your body wouldn't pick out certain situations when you feel worse, such as you said talking to people when outside. The breathlessness can be caused by tensed up chest muscles and is also a sign that you're over breathing which is common in anxiety. When you start to fear the symptoms and convince yourself you are really ill the symptoms become worse and a vicious circle starts that's difficult to get out of.

Some of the symptoms you describe can also be down to anaemia, has your doctor tested for this? And don't forget hormones, sometimes female hormones have alot to answer to. My own times of severe anxiety were all through the years I was still having periods, I ended up like you...not wanting to go out of the house for fear of passing out etc.

Also, if you are still breastfeeding you need to make sure you're getting enough to eat even if you can't face a meal just try a warm bowl of soup but not junk food, and multi vitamins may help, magnesium is really good for the nervous system too,

We know only too well how bad the symptoms of anxiety can be, I can remember being really frustrated with my doctor all those years ago because I never believed that was what it was. My body has certainly relaxed more as I've got older, my kids have their own kids now so I'm a grandmother. But I never forget those anxiety filled years, and living with that fear every day.

Tty also to get as much sleep as you can with a toddler and ask about meds if you're not taking any, or perhaps review those you do take.

Take care
ISB x

[Brooke4131]

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. Have you spokem with your doctor about postpartum depression and anxiety? This can often manifest itself many months after your child has been born and causes many of the symptoms you describe. I had this (as did many of my friends) after my son was born. Luckily, I had a very understandind doctor and after a few months of medication, I was back to my old self. Please speak with a doctor about this, or if you're not comfortable speaking with your current one, perhaps the doctor that delivered your baby can help? Good luck amd it WILL get better!

[MargaretHale]

Ok, I had my first babyat 23. I'd just finished uni, my partner of 6 yrs decided that actually fatherhood wasn't for him and I was left alone.
I adored my baby boy, I breastfed him for 18months and went from a size 16 to a 12/14 in weeks. Mentally? I was a wreck, as well as dealing with a breakup and hormones I couldn't think straight, had difficulty falling asleep, but always felt tired.
Get the GP to check your iron levels as low ferretin after birth can mimic these symptoms too. Most importantly TALK to someone!! I didn't and really made myself ill with worry. Your bubba needs you and you are NOT a bad mummy! You're tired and frightened and strung out.
Sending you hugs, please, please please get help today!!

See this page from Tommy's. It's your symptoms to a T.
https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/im-pregnant/mental-wellbeing/specific-mental-health-conditions/postnatal?gclid=CKSA-qyL8dACFcO37QodaX4Muw

and MIND are so helpful, watch the videos too...you'll really relate to it. xx

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/?gclid=CPHshMWL8dACFW217QodEWcIMA#.WE_ev_mLTIU

Ring their helpline ^^

xx

[duke27]

Thanks everyone. I've had a blood test which was normal so now low iron etc. Just these symptoms are so scary and I feel like I'm wasting away. I have weak muscles, severe dizziness and baLance problems ans it's so petrifying. X