UKmamainUS
16-12-16, 03:09
I have been on this board for years, and despite many swollen lymph nodes, this is the first time I have been scared about Lymphoma. I guess we all get there in the end! I have a swollen node in my left elbow crease - its firm but not hard, and can be popped around. I didn't really stress about it much but then I was scratching my chest - between my collar bone and breast on the left side. It feels a little rubbery, maybe cyst-like. Having the two nodes in weird places on the same side sent my anxiety into overdrive. This wasn't helped by the fact I am currently awaiting a mammogram for a breast lump on the right side. I am also incredibly tired all the time. And I mean exhausted to the point of being unable to function. On top of this I have extreme growing pains in my legs. At 39 I am pretty confident I am not actually growing. These pains keep me awake at night because they are so intense. I have seen my dr. about it and she sent me for both an ultrasound looking for DVT and an x-ray. Both were clear. She told me that there is nothing wrong with my legs (actually, there is, they are in agonizing pain every night) and that it can' possibly be in the bone and has to be soft tissue and if I want to, just go to PT. She basically brushed me off. Then in the past few weeks, the skin on my fingers and toes started to peel. and I don't mean flaking, I mean completely peeled off. It's freaky. On top of that I had abdominal pain every single time I eat. I get that some of these symptoms may be down to anxiety, but the elbow node and chest node are not meant to be palpable. I am totally freaked out but can't go back to my dr as she just dismisses me every time. She waits weeks to return my calls (and it's not like I have called her often - twice in the past year), and she brushes off everything I say. She did give me xanax and I am under a therapist, but I am almost out of xanax and she won't renew unless I start antidepressant meds. I can't take them because I have no idea how they will effect me, and I live a 10 hour flight from any family members, and my husband works on the other side of America, so I am alone 24/7 with 2 kids - I can't go on depression meds while I am alone with kids until I know their effect on me. It's a catch-22 really.
I have totally convinced myself I have either Breast Cancer and / or Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. I am so tired of all this. I just want to feel normal. I hate spending all my time thinking it's only a matter of days until I get a cancer diagnosis. Every time I do something with my kids that is Christmassy, I think it's going to be my last Christmas with them. I just can't go on like this.
I have totally convinced myself I have either Breast Cancer and / or Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. I am so tired of all this. I just want to feel normal. I hate spending all my time thinking it's only a matter of days until I get a cancer diagnosis. Every time I do something with my kids that is Christmassy, I think it's going to be my last Christmas with them. I just can't go on like this.