StrangeQuark
16-12-16, 09:45
Hey folks
I hope you don’t mind me using you guys as a sounding board to get my thoughts together! This is ended up being a long post so apologies.
For about the last 5-6 weeks I’ve been having headaches. No problem, headaches are pretty common for us anxiety sufferers, right? But I have no idea how to differentiate between “just” tension headaches and something I might have to see a doctor for. The headaches are mostly at the back of my head but also at times behind my eyes and in my temples. I’ve also had earache and one of my ears had a very small amount of blood in it the other day, which I presume this was from dry/irritated skin on the walls of my ears rather than anything coming from deeper inside the ear. I’ve had a lot of feelings of pressure in my head, vertigo, and a bizarre feeling I get quite often where it feels like someone has reached inside my skull and squeezed/shaken my brain.
Could that be a sinus infection? No idea. I am definitely a bit congested. I’ve been going on the assumption it’s a sinus infection, perhaps made worse by tension/anxiety, and waiting to see if it will go away on its own. However, there is one other symptom I’ve been having which is setting health anxiety alarms ringing: visual disturbances/hallucinations at night.
I don’t think they’re quite hypnagogic/hypnopompic hallucinations or sleep paralysis, both of which I’ve experienced. A number of times I have opened my eyes at night and seen either: spiders (which google tells me is quite common) or something like a black ball of string writhing and moving across my vision. This happens when I am still awake, rather than almost asleep or having just woken up. I am aware that the things I see aren't real and seem to come from “inside” my eye almost – a bit like when you see visual noise. Most recently, I woke up last night and had a sort of red “curtain” over my eyes and couldn’t see properly for a while, which is what really kicked off my anxiety and prompted this post.
Now I have some worry about the worst case scenario: that I have a brain tumour. I know how incredibly unlikely that is but I also don’t know whether to go to the doctor or not. I’m waiting to be referred to gynaecology for chronic pelvic pain (following a clear ultrasound) and feel like if I go in for this they’re not going to take me seriously. I’ve already had an endoscopy this year for stomach pain (clear, naturally) as well as the ultrasound.
Recent blood tests did show I have low iron so I’ve been prescribed iron tablets, and wondered it that might explain the visual disturbances? That it might be from my iron levels coming up and more oxygen getting to my brain? I have no idea if that’s a likely.
This is the major source of anxiety for me. I’m not catastrophizing too much: the brain tumour fear is definitely lingering there in the background but really the anxiety comes from having no idea how to tell if I am sick (eg a sinus infection) or if everything stems from anxiety. Or a little from column A, a little from column B. And it’s this obsessive thinking that keeps the anxiety going, every time I experience pain (which is often) I start thinking about all the stuff I’ve posted above, going through all the possible benign explanations, and I get stuck in a loop thinking about my health both physical and mental.
Anyway, I think what I’m going to do is make an appointment with my doctor and explain what I’ve written here: tell her about the headaches and other symptoms, but also ask for a bit of help and support with anxiety. At the moment I take beta blockers for panic attacks but don’t see a therapist.
If you took the time to read this essay, thanks! It’s really helped to write things down and share with other people who go through similar experiences. Health anxiety is a nightmare! Hopefully if anyone sees their own experience mirrored here it's helped you a little too, and I encourage anyone who hasn't yet done so to see their doctor about health/general anxiety.
I hope you don’t mind me using you guys as a sounding board to get my thoughts together! This is ended up being a long post so apologies.
For about the last 5-6 weeks I’ve been having headaches. No problem, headaches are pretty common for us anxiety sufferers, right? But I have no idea how to differentiate between “just” tension headaches and something I might have to see a doctor for. The headaches are mostly at the back of my head but also at times behind my eyes and in my temples. I’ve also had earache and one of my ears had a very small amount of blood in it the other day, which I presume this was from dry/irritated skin on the walls of my ears rather than anything coming from deeper inside the ear. I’ve had a lot of feelings of pressure in my head, vertigo, and a bizarre feeling I get quite often where it feels like someone has reached inside my skull and squeezed/shaken my brain.
Could that be a sinus infection? No idea. I am definitely a bit congested. I’ve been going on the assumption it’s a sinus infection, perhaps made worse by tension/anxiety, and waiting to see if it will go away on its own. However, there is one other symptom I’ve been having which is setting health anxiety alarms ringing: visual disturbances/hallucinations at night.
I don’t think they’re quite hypnagogic/hypnopompic hallucinations or sleep paralysis, both of which I’ve experienced. A number of times I have opened my eyes at night and seen either: spiders (which google tells me is quite common) or something like a black ball of string writhing and moving across my vision. This happens when I am still awake, rather than almost asleep or having just woken up. I am aware that the things I see aren't real and seem to come from “inside” my eye almost – a bit like when you see visual noise. Most recently, I woke up last night and had a sort of red “curtain” over my eyes and couldn’t see properly for a while, which is what really kicked off my anxiety and prompted this post.
Now I have some worry about the worst case scenario: that I have a brain tumour. I know how incredibly unlikely that is but I also don’t know whether to go to the doctor or not. I’m waiting to be referred to gynaecology for chronic pelvic pain (following a clear ultrasound) and feel like if I go in for this they’re not going to take me seriously. I’ve already had an endoscopy this year for stomach pain (clear, naturally) as well as the ultrasound.
Recent blood tests did show I have low iron so I’ve been prescribed iron tablets, and wondered it that might explain the visual disturbances? That it might be from my iron levels coming up and more oxygen getting to my brain? I have no idea if that’s a likely.
This is the major source of anxiety for me. I’m not catastrophizing too much: the brain tumour fear is definitely lingering there in the background but really the anxiety comes from having no idea how to tell if I am sick (eg a sinus infection) or if everything stems from anxiety. Or a little from column A, a little from column B. And it’s this obsessive thinking that keeps the anxiety going, every time I experience pain (which is often) I start thinking about all the stuff I’ve posted above, going through all the possible benign explanations, and I get stuck in a loop thinking about my health both physical and mental.
Anyway, I think what I’m going to do is make an appointment with my doctor and explain what I’ve written here: tell her about the headaches and other symptoms, but also ask for a bit of help and support with anxiety. At the moment I take beta blockers for panic attacks but don’t see a therapist.
If you took the time to read this essay, thanks! It’s really helped to write things down and share with other people who go through similar experiences. Health anxiety is a nightmare! Hopefully if anyone sees their own experience mirrored here it's helped you a little too, and I encourage anyone who hasn't yet done so to see their doctor about health/general anxiety.