relationship problems, bad anxiety...

[danj]

Hi Everyone

It's been years since I posted to this forum but found it supportive in years gone bye...

I've been married (second time) for four years. My wife has decided she wants an open relationship and has now essentially 'taken' it i.e. is dating other men.

She says she loves me but needs this for her own development/life/spirituality/pleasure etc. She's now brick walled me and won't listen to my needs and I'm now for the past week in a state of panic, waking up with fear through my body and feeling that way through the day.

Despite the above I'm terrified of losing her so and worried that if I split up with her my panic will get worse.

This is also at a time where I have recently finished a work contract (IT) and don't feel up to getting another one which also terrifies me as I'm worried about paying the bills. I can probably survive 3/4 months without work.

I have a therapist and even a men's support group I'm in. I've told friends and some family but I don't know what else to do or at least I don't have the motivation to do anything else.

I've been on a basic dose of escitalopram for years and am thinking of upping it.

Other than that I don't know what to do.

I'd love some support from the community here.

Thanks

Dan

[KeeKee]

I believe that no amount of medication can help ease the pain from relationship woes. An open relationship in my opinion, is a complete lack of respect for your partner. I know you don't want to and it will probably be unbearable, but you need to leave this woman. Unless of course you agree to an open relationship (not like you've been given a choice).

Sorry I'm not of much help but she is being very unreasonable in my opinion. She's essentially just trying to excuse sleeping around.

[danj]

She believes she is doing it for the right reasons, it's not really for me to judge her on this other than the way she has gone about it. She's not a bad person.

[Fishmanpa]

She believes she is doing it for the right reasons, it's not really for me to judge her on this other than the way she has gone about it. She's not a bad person.

With respect, I disagree. You may not want to judge her but I find this a deplorable thing to do. I'm old fashioned in that if I felt as your wife does, I would divorce before proceeding with my "development". I really feel for you Dan. I hope you find some peace.

Positive thoughts

[Kuatir]

If a couple decides to have an open relationship then that is fine. If one half decides it's a good idea then the relationship lacks strength to hold it together. I'm sorry that you having to go through this, but I only see one solution that will enable you to move on and work out your anxiety. Either way will be hard on you.

[wubu]

Hope things are going ok mate. I know this is a little different, but my missus cheated on me so if you wanna chat, feel free to pm me.

[Faith1992]

Hey danj,

Was just wondering if your situation has improved? I agree with the above that I feel your wife is being disrespectful. It's a different story if at the start of a relationship the couple mutually agreed to an open relationship and both parties are happy and comfortable with it however her choosing to do so without your consent is a complete lack of respect for you and I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Call me old fashioned or whatever but a relationship is supposed to be meant for two and two only, isn't that what makes it special? Well, that's debatable...I wish I could offer you advice, I'm going through something similar, my partner wants to watch me sleep with women/wants to watch other men sleep with me/all sorts of weird stuff (sorry, again, for me it's weird) sorry for not being open minded, call me a prude, whatever but if you feel uncomfortable and unhappy about what your wife is doing then that's how you feel and you're entitled to feel like that! You shouldn't be made to suffer at the hands of someone else's selfish "needs" or in this case "wants." - the only advice I can give is to just make sure during this time you take care of yourself, e.g. Get out and do exercise and eat healthy foods etc. I know it's hard when it feels like your world is collapsing but that's what I do, in the hope that one day I can come out of it all thanking myself for actually looking after myself.

Hope things improve :hugs: