mismashful2
17-12-16, 11:31
Hello everyone
I'll start with introducing myself.
I'm 19 years old female, and a student (2nd year of university).
I've always had very strict and anxious parents (eg. don't go sleeping in that friend's house, because what if it burns down), and after several therapy sessions, we found out that this is probably the source of my anxiety. (at least, the most important one).
I'm in uni now, and I was not allowed to go live alone. (well alone, here in Belgium you live in the city where you study during the week, and in the weekends you go back home, because Belgium is such a small country :)) Therefore, I go every day by bus, or my father brings me or picks me up.
In secondary school, I've almost always been a 'popular' girl, with lots of social interaction and friends. All those same friends went to the same city where I study now, but because I'm never able to attend my friends' dinners, parties, etc. (in the beginning of the semester because I was too anxious and now due to practical reasons, for example living far away) I get asked less frequently to attend to these things with them.
Yesterday I was really sad because they were doing something on New Year's Eve and they didn't ask me to come. My boyfriend normally goes to celebrate it with his friends, so I'll be all alone (with my dad).
For a minute, I starting thinking about suicide: is this really what I want, I want to hang myself and then my dad will found me.
But only after a few seconds I started getting really afraid: I don't want to die and I don't want to commit suicide! Then I facetimed with my boyfriend and it got better.
But when I woke up, the first thing I thought was OMG I thought about suicide but I don't want to die, what is this. For the last hours, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it (that I'm so afraid for the thoughts.). I'm also really afraid that eventually I will do it, because I think about it so much, but I really don't want to. I feel really alone, but I want to do something about it.
Can someone relate to this?
I'll start with introducing myself.
I'm 19 years old female, and a student (2nd year of university).
I've always had very strict and anxious parents (eg. don't go sleeping in that friend's house, because what if it burns down), and after several therapy sessions, we found out that this is probably the source of my anxiety. (at least, the most important one).
I'm in uni now, and I was not allowed to go live alone. (well alone, here in Belgium you live in the city where you study during the week, and in the weekends you go back home, because Belgium is such a small country :)) Therefore, I go every day by bus, or my father brings me or picks me up.
In secondary school, I've almost always been a 'popular' girl, with lots of social interaction and friends. All those same friends went to the same city where I study now, but because I'm never able to attend my friends' dinners, parties, etc. (in the beginning of the semester because I was too anxious and now due to practical reasons, for example living far away) I get asked less frequently to attend to these things with them.
Yesterday I was really sad because they were doing something on New Year's Eve and they didn't ask me to come. My boyfriend normally goes to celebrate it with his friends, so I'll be all alone (with my dad).
For a minute, I starting thinking about suicide: is this really what I want, I want to hang myself and then my dad will found me.
But only after a few seconds I started getting really afraid: I don't want to die and I don't want to commit suicide! Then I facetimed with my boyfriend and it got better.
But when I woke up, the first thing I thought was OMG I thought about suicide but I don't want to die, what is this. For the last hours, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it (that I'm so afraid for the thoughts.). I'm also really afraid that eventually I will do it, because I think about it so much, but I really don't want to. I feel really alone, but I want to do something about it.
Can someone relate to this?