Miss Pink
10-04-07, 02:11
Hi,
I haven't posted on this site for over a year now, but I've often checked in when I felt my health anxiety was creeping up again (After the death of a close relative I started to have panic atacks which turned into severe health anxiety for about 18 months where I eventually had to take months at a time off from work- I had the same feelings as most people on this site will relate to. e.g., absolutely convinced I had a brain tumour, MS, CJD, HIV etc with symptoms such as constant vertigo, muscle spasms, insomnia, depression etc)
After the support I found with this site and close friends I returned to work (which is still the hardest thing I ever had to do - sitting at a desk pretending to be working while I was constantly checking my pulse, worrying about dizziness, pretending to be working on the computer, when I was actually on this site etc - I'm sure a lot of you know what I'm talking about!)
Anyway, sorry for rambling it's 1.45am. To sum it up, I began to face my symptoms and slowly and without me even noticing they began to fade. I started to accept them and although I'll never be 100% better, I've recently learnt how to cope with things better...until this weekend.
I have been with my brilliant (and incredibly patient!) boyfriend for 4 years now and recently he has been diagnosed with Iritis (inflammation of the iris of the eye). This has occurred a few times this year. I hadn't thought too much about it but this weekend I went to the Hospital with him (as it has returned) and as I sat there I started to link his eye infection to things far more serious. He then told me the Doctor wants him to have blood tests and ever since I have been feeling more and more panicky about the possibility of him having HIV and this being a side effect.
This is embarrassing as its personal, but I wanted to share it with you as this site has been so fantastic to me that I wanted to turn here before I start doing the dreaded google searches and send myself into a full blown panic attack. Ok the personal bit, I have had two serious boyfriends before my current one. They both turned out to have seen other people while I was with them. I found this out afterwards and ever since then, I have been terrified about HIV. I have always tried to be careful, but (I feel so embarrassed about talking about this :ohmy: but I think it will be worth it...) accidents have happened on several occasions (they're right about contraceptives not being 100% reliable) with both of my former boyfriends.
At the height of my health anxiety I had numerous blood tests with my local GP and was so convinced of false results that I forked out over £400 for a Bupa health check (also with blood tests.) So, I can't sleep tonight as I am feeling out of breath, panicky and near to tears trying to convince myself that if I had something serious like HIV there surely would have been SOME indication of something not being quite right (my white blood cell count or something maybe). The thought of giving something like that to my boyfriend is unbearable and I'd like some advice please if anyone has any ideas?
Has anybody out there heard of, or suffered from Iritis? Do you know any of the causes? (yep....I'm trying my hardest not to type that in to Google myself that it is unbearable) Any info would be fantastic - from my experiences on this site before I know that your info is of far more benefit for an anxiety sufferer than any medical website would be.
Thanks so much for reading and I wish everybody on here the best of luck with coping with their fears, you're not alone.
Rachael x
I haven't posted on this site for over a year now, but I've often checked in when I felt my health anxiety was creeping up again (After the death of a close relative I started to have panic atacks which turned into severe health anxiety for about 18 months where I eventually had to take months at a time off from work- I had the same feelings as most people on this site will relate to. e.g., absolutely convinced I had a brain tumour, MS, CJD, HIV etc with symptoms such as constant vertigo, muscle spasms, insomnia, depression etc)
After the support I found with this site and close friends I returned to work (which is still the hardest thing I ever had to do - sitting at a desk pretending to be working while I was constantly checking my pulse, worrying about dizziness, pretending to be working on the computer, when I was actually on this site etc - I'm sure a lot of you know what I'm talking about!)
Anyway, sorry for rambling it's 1.45am. To sum it up, I began to face my symptoms and slowly and without me even noticing they began to fade. I started to accept them and although I'll never be 100% better, I've recently learnt how to cope with things better...until this weekend.
I have been with my brilliant (and incredibly patient!) boyfriend for 4 years now and recently he has been diagnosed with Iritis (inflammation of the iris of the eye). This has occurred a few times this year. I hadn't thought too much about it but this weekend I went to the Hospital with him (as it has returned) and as I sat there I started to link his eye infection to things far more serious. He then told me the Doctor wants him to have blood tests and ever since I have been feeling more and more panicky about the possibility of him having HIV and this being a side effect.
This is embarrassing as its personal, but I wanted to share it with you as this site has been so fantastic to me that I wanted to turn here before I start doing the dreaded google searches and send myself into a full blown panic attack. Ok the personal bit, I have had two serious boyfriends before my current one. They both turned out to have seen other people while I was with them. I found this out afterwards and ever since then, I have been terrified about HIV. I have always tried to be careful, but (I feel so embarrassed about talking about this :ohmy: but I think it will be worth it...) accidents have happened on several occasions (they're right about contraceptives not being 100% reliable) with both of my former boyfriends.
At the height of my health anxiety I had numerous blood tests with my local GP and was so convinced of false results that I forked out over £400 for a Bupa health check (also with blood tests.) So, I can't sleep tonight as I am feeling out of breath, panicky and near to tears trying to convince myself that if I had something serious like HIV there surely would have been SOME indication of something not being quite right (my white blood cell count or something maybe). The thought of giving something like that to my boyfriend is unbearable and I'd like some advice please if anyone has any ideas?
Has anybody out there heard of, or suffered from Iritis? Do you know any of the causes? (yep....I'm trying my hardest not to type that in to Google myself that it is unbearable) Any info would be fantastic - from my experiences on this site before I know that your info is of far more benefit for an anxiety sufferer than any medical website would be.
Thanks so much for reading and I wish everybody on here the best of luck with coping with their fears, you're not alone.
Rachael x