AnxietyKillinMe
20-12-16, 19:16
Where do I start? I'm a first time user of any type of forum ever. Basic details as follows: male, mid 20's, registered nurse, anxiety since as long as I can remember with the worst being health related anxiety.
The short version leading up to today: My wife left me in September which was a shock to me, I spent October in a deep depression, early November had a few episodes of SVT which I was hospitalized for and by mid November when I moved back in with my parents, all hell broke loose.
I was having episodes of SVT almost daily and during those times I felt awful (near syncope, throat tight, short of breath, pounding heart of course, and dizziness/lightheadedness). It continued for a little bit but it eventually stopped bothering me once I realized I was triggering it with my anxiety. After that though, the dizziness continued on for a while. Actually the dizziness is still sort of there but not to the extreme it was at at all.
So the second week of November I moved back in with my parents and that's when it all began. I felt as though I had a sinus infection of sorts within the first week of being here, but a weird one at that if that's even what it was. I had headaches everyday but not in the usual sinus regions and a constant pressure type feeling in my head. My ears were super full and my hearing was very muffled, it's still not all the way better but it's a far cry from what it was. Increased post nasal drip, etc. and what I can only describe as brain fog which isn't all the way better either but much better than where it started. I was forgetful and my short term memory sucked, that scared me the worst because I just didn't feel like myself but at this point my mental clarity is coming back. I would also get these weird shots of tingling with lightheadeness and the tingling would happen anywhere in my body multiple times a day, a lot of it occurred on the left side of my head and face split right down the middle to the left which only lasted a few seconds and would fade, never true numbness. Those were most of my symptoms with that and some still persist, and now let's move on to present day.
Probably the beginning of December I still had some of the aforementioned symptoms like the occasional dizziness and brain fog but now I started to have muscle twitches. At first it was just in my right calf with some in my left. Then it was both. Then it was my calves, thighs, and occasionally above my waist at random spots like my abdomen, some in my back, neck, face, tongue, eye. The twitching has died down a bit since it started which I guess? I'm going to attribute to starting to take magnesium and b12. That or it's a coincidence that it slowed during the time that I took those, idk. My muscles cramp and feel stiff as if I had been doing squats all day long and I hadn't done a thing. I remember having my girlfriend stretch out my foot one night because the arch of my foot got that bad. The cramping is now lesser but the stiffness is still there especially when I walk I can feel it in my calves mostly. When walking down stairs my legs tremble with every step. I have a more noticeable essential tremor in my hands especially my right. Now my right wrist to hand is very tight and my right hand feels very tight and not as limber as my left. My writing is becoming messy and weird things just keep happening in general.
I've had a head and neck cta which was negative, brain MRI negative, past lumbar MRI years ago that showed I don't have a disc at L5-S1 with degeneration moving upward, chest ct negative, abdomen ct negative, echo good, ekg fine outside of isolated svt, basic blood work good.
I recently saw my GP who thought the muscle stuff was electrolytes that were off but they were fine and laughed at me when I asked if it could be ALS saying "you can't think like that man, even if it was what can you do about it?" And that was it. Really comforting.
Anyway, I'm depressed now because I know deep down that I don't have long left on this earth and I won't be able to live a full long life. I know that I'm going to die soon and it will be because I have ALS. All I do all day is drive myself crazy with reading about ALS and reading stories of it. Literally that's all I do I can't get myself to do anything else. Down time at work? Reading about ALS. Not with my girlfriend? Reading about ALS. Day off? You get the point. Looking for some encouraging words to help me through my last days here on earth although I know (or at least pretty much know based on odds) that I won't be dead tomorrow, but I am convinced fully that I only have a couple years left at best. Thanks for your time and understanding.
The short version leading up to today: My wife left me in September which was a shock to me, I spent October in a deep depression, early November had a few episodes of SVT which I was hospitalized for and by mid November when I moved back in with my parents, all hell broke loose.
I was having episodes of SVT almost daily and during those times I felt awful (near syncope, throat tight, short of breath, pounding heart of course, and dizziness/lightheadedness). It continued for a little bit but it eventually stopped bothering me once I realized I was triggering it with my anxiety. After that though, the dizziness continued on for a while. Actually the dizziness is still sort of there but not to the extreme it was at at all.
So the second week of November I moved back in with my parents and that's when it all began. I felt as though I had a sinus infection of sorts within the first week of being here, but a weird one at that if that's even what it was. I had headaches everyday but not in the usual sinus regions and a constant pressure type feeling in my head. My ears were super full and my hearing was very muffled, it's still not all the way better but it's a far cry from what it was. Increased post nasal drip, etc. and what I can only describe as brain fog which isn't all the way better either but much better than where it started. I was forgetful and my short term memory sucked, that scared me the worst because I just didn't feel like myself but at this point my mental clarity is coming back. I would also get these weird shots of tingling with lightheadeness and the tingling would happen anywhere in my body multiple times a day, a lot of it occurred on the left side of my head and face split right down the middle to the left which only lasted a few seconds and would fade, never true numbness. Those were most of my symptoms with that and some still persist, and now let's move on to present day.
Probably the beginning of December I still had some of the aforementioned symptoms like the occasional dizziness and brain fog but now I started to have muscle twitches. At first it was just in my right calf with some in my left. Then it was both. Then it was my calves, thighs, and occasionally above my waist at random spots like my abdomen, some in my back, neck, face, tongue, eye. The twitching has died down a bit since it started which I guess? I'm going to attribute to starting to take magnesium and b12. That or it's a coincidence that it slowed during the time that I took those, idk. My muscles cramp and feel stiff as if I had been doing squats all day long and I hadn't done a thing. I remember having my girlfriend stretch out my foot one night because the arch of my foot got that bad. The cramping is now lesser but the stiffness is still there especially when I walk I can feel it in my calves mostly. When walking down stairs my legs tremble with every step. I have a more noticeable essential tremor in my hands especially my right. Now my right wrist to hand is very tight and my right hand feels very tight and not as limber as my left. My writing is becoming messy and weird things just keep happening in general.
I've had a head and neck cta which was negative, brain MRI negative, past lumbar MRI years ago that showed I don't have a disc at L5-S1 with degeneration moving upward, chest ct negative, abdomen ct negative, echo good, ekg fine outside of isolated svt, basic blood work good.
I recently saw my GP who thought the muscle stuff was electrolytes that were off but they were fine and laughed at me when I asked if it could be ALS saying "you can't think like that man, even if it was what can you do about it?" And that was it. Really comforting.
Anyway, I'm depressed now because I know deep down that I don't have long left on this earth and I won't be able to live a full long life. I know that I'm going to die soon and it will be because I have ALS. All I do all day is drive myself crazy with reading about ALS and reading stories of it. Literally that's all I do I can't get myself to do anything else. Down time at work? Reading about ALS. Not with my girlfriend? Reading about ALS. Day off? You get the point. Looking for some encouraging words to help me through my last days here on earth although I know (or at least pretty much know based on odds) that I won't be dead tomorrow, but I am convinced fully that I only have a couple years left at best. Thanks for your time and understanding.