Getting A Puppy - Anxiety

[coastgirl]

Hi all,

I LOVE dogs. Love them to death. Grew up with a family dog until she died just after I graduated college. Dogs make things better - whether it's a hike, picnic, car ride, netflix and chill, or just simply coming home to a happy wagging tail. Anytime a dog is around my mood is quite noticeably better. I've always wanted another one of my own, but put it off for various reasons. Right now I'm in my early 30's, live in a great 1 bedroom condo, and work from home. The dream setup for getting a new puppy.

However, ever since I put the down payment I have been having anxiety attacks. I think I'm afraid of change. I also think I'm doubting myself and overthinking it to hell and back again. I'm having what if's....what if I change my mind and decide a dog isn't for me (a rather irrational thought...last year I lived with a roommate for about a year and a half and she had a dog who I absolutely adored, and I actually did more activities with the dog than SHE did. She actually was doing my anxiety some good I think, just being there and being her loving dog self). Another what-if I'm having is what if she confines me too much to my apartment? I know puppies are time consuming at first, and normally I'd LOVE raising a puppy, but for some reason I'm afraid it's going to be the end of my social life forever and ever amen. Which is another irrational thought....yes I will have to reschedule some things, but having a new pup could actually open a lot of opportunities to meeting new people as well.

I have read about the puppy blues, and I think I'm having them already! Part of the reason I think is that I tried to foster to adopt a dog a few years ago and she was a basket case that had probably been abused and neglected. The rescue failed to tell me all this....I just ended up with a dog with atrocious separation anxiety and aggression issues. It was a nightmare - for a week and a half I was having the worst time...I couldn't even go to the store without the dog having a meltdown. I would come home and she would have almost broken out of the crate. I had to give her back to the rescue as she was above and beyond my abilities to handle. I don't regret it...but it definitely affected me.

So I think I'm already feeling that sense of anxiety and panic that the first dog left me with....and it was bad. I was so incredibly stressed at that time. I'm afraid that's going to happen again.

The puppy I'm getting is a 2.5 month old yellow Lab, from a reputable breeder. I'm getting him after Christmas, and in the meantime the breeder is going to work with him and do some basic training as well as crate training. This should set me up for success.

I guess I'm just venting because I'm second guessing myself constantly because the anxiety is making me feel like I'm making a bad decision. That I'm going to "ruin my life". What an absurd thought! But it's my anxiety talking.

I want 2017 to be a year where I just do things I want to do and stop overthinking and letting anxiety get in my way. This is step one....having a dog has been a major dream and goal of mine that I put off for legitimate reasons for a while. The last few years I've been ready--I even had a dog crate and puppy supplies for TWO YEARS, but I kept going to dog adoption events and letting anxiety turn me back without a dog each time. I kept getting flashbacks to that first dog. I really think this is a perfect time as any. I also went with a breeder so I could eliminate the chance that this pup would have issues. I know every dog is unique, but this was the best way to get a clean slate dog that I can train from day one.

How can I stop these spinning thoughts? I have had thoughts that if I really feel I can't go through with it, then I'll just cancel everything. But I don't want to do that! I want him - I really do. When my anxiety is not getting the best of me I'm pretty excited about it. I'm sure that once I get through a stressful first few weeks it will all settle into place and it will probably be the best decision I ever made. But why is my brain fighting me so much??? :weep:

[Catherine S]

Despite what you say in your first paragraph, the rest of your post cancels it out. It doesn't sound as if you're ready to own a puppy, but why not opt for an older dog from an animal re-homing centre? A dog that is fully house trained already and who is gentle natured. That should relieve your stress. Perhaps if you explain to the person you've given the deposit to about your anxiety, hopefully you'll get your money back then use some of it to make a donation to the animal shelter.

ISB x

[Bigboyuk]

coastgirl I can see from both points of view and puppys are great but they don't stay a puppy for long so ask your self have you got the drive to train your puppy and not just the basic sit and shake paw that's not enough You have be consistant and repetisous in any training could you handle that? I have a Staffy Bull Terrier first dog I have had from a pup and boy what a pig to train LOL nearly got rid of her at a 4 months old but now at 10 years old she is a cracking dog :) the other point a slightly older dog that's a rescue
say a old person has had a dog that is well trained etc but has recently died or gone to a home then this sort of dog is ideal choice. So you want a challenge? Get a pup! Or opt for the easier route and get rescue dog with little or no history :) Good luck and what ever you route you decide to choose and let us know how you get on please!

[.Poppy.]

Have you looked into puppy training programs in your area? I never went to training but then I had to and I found I LOVED it. Not only does it help you get started with training/socialization, but it majorly helps the puppy blues to get out in the world and have people gush over your super cute pup :)

Also, if you have friends/family in the area that you can have puppysit whenever you need a break, that's great too.

I get the puppy blues each and every time I take on a new dog - it's a new responsibility and a whole new creature you have to get to know. It takes time, but you'll get there.

Honestly, with my last puppy I had the blues BAD. He was a rescue from a hoarding situation so even though he was young, he had a lot of behavioral problems (not just normal puppy stuff). He was terrified of everyone but me, so I couldn't really get a break from him. It took a long time but I can't imagine life without him now, even though he's super high maintenance and he drives me crazy :)

If you're committed to just sticking it out for a couple of months while the pup settles in, you'll be golden. Just build up a good support network.

[Noivous]

The thing that jumped out to me the most in your post is - am I over thinking it? Yes. Get the puppy. See how it goes. If it's not working out find a good owner for it. And relax.

N.

[Bigboyuk]

The thing that jumped out to me the most in your post is - am I over thinking it? Yes. Get the puppy. See how it goes. If it's not working out find a good owner for it. And relax.

N. Sorry I disagree that is not fair on the puppy No I suggest the OP does their research properly then decide :)

[Noivous]

Sorry I disagree that is not fair on the puppy No I suggest the OP does their research properly then decide :)

Yeah I figured this was coming. Respectfully, I think the pooch will be just fine. I'm not a big believer in dogs having psychological problems. Just give em love affection and food. They adjust. Or maybe a prescription of Dogazapam?

N.

[Fishmanpa]

What about fostering a puppy from a shelter? This way you can get a feel for it and you know the puppy is already up for adoption. Then if things work out, you can adopt it yourself :)

Positive thoughts

[Noivous]

What about fostering a puppy from a shelter? This way you can get a feel for it and you know the puppy is already up for adoption. Then if things work out, you can adopt it yourself :)

Positive thoughts

Perfect!

[coastgirl]

I've researched everything so much and I have plenty of experience with dogs. And the point of getting a puppy for me was so I could train him properly and end up with a super good adult.

I'm just experiencing a ton of anxiety for some reason. People with way less time or dedication to dogs get them all the time....they just don't have anxiety haha.

My anxiety manifests in making decisions, especially hard ones. I overthink everything.

My therapist thinks getting a dog would be great for me. She also thinks it's anxiety that's stopping me. I know people get the puppy blues after getting a dog and it passes....somehow my brain has jumped the gun and given it to me before I even have him

---------- Post added at 18:19 ---------- Previous post was at 18:17 ----------

Finding a foster to adopt pup is hard around here :/ they want you to either adopt or not. I've looked into it...I actually talked to a rescue about all of this and they were dismissive and said they only want fosters if they are truly into fostering several dogs for them, not just looking to adopt.

[Bigboyuk]

Yeah I figured this was coming. Respectfully, I think the pooch will be just fine. I'm not a big believer in dogs having psychological problems. Just give em love affection and food. They adjust. Or maybe a prescription of Dogazapam?

N. Well they do as I am a member of dogforum but agree with kindness and love and food they do adjust well :)

---------- Post added at 18:51 ---------- Previous post was at 18:48 ----------


I've researched everything so much and I have plenty of experience with dogs. And the point of getting a puppy for me was so I could train him properly and end up with a super good adult.

I'm just experiencing a ton of anxiety for some reason. People with way less time or dedication to dogs get them all the time....they just don't have anxiety haha.

My anxiety manifests in making decisions, especially hard ones. I overthink everything.

My therapist thinks getting a dog would be great for me. She also thinks it's anxiety that's stopping me. I know people get the puppy blues after getting a dog and it passes....somehow my brain has jumped the gun and given it to me before I even have him

---------- Post added at 18:19 ---------- Previous post was at 18:17 ----------

Finding a foster to adopt pup is hard around here :/ they want you to either adopt or not. I've looked into it...I actually talked to a rescue about all of this and they were dismissive and said they only want fosters if they are truly into fostering several dogs for them, not just looking to adopt. I think it's green light then and while the training wont be easy it will be very rewarding for you once you have trained excellent and good luck :)

[Noivous]

Well they do as I am a member of dogforum but agree with kindness and love and food they do adjust well :)

---------- Post added at 18:51 ---------- Previous post was at 18:48 ----------

I think it's green light then and while the training wont be easy it will be very rewarding for you once you have trained excellent and good luck :)

Fair enough friend. :)

[.Poppy.]

Yeah I figured this was coming. Respectfully, I think the pooch will be just fine. I'm not a big believer in dogs having psychological problems. Just give em love affection and food. They adjust. Or maybe a prescription of Dogazapam?

N.

You should meet my boy that I mentioned in my post; he's anxious and reactive and takes both Trazodone and Flouxetine. :doh:

BUT he's not well-bred, and the OP stated her pup is coming from a reputable breeder. Chances are good that s/he'll have a solid temperament and be far more forgiving of the world than my poor little guy who was set up for failure temperament-wise even before he was born.

[Noivous]

You should meet my boy that I mentioned in my post; he's anxious and reactive and takes both Trazodone and Flouxetine. :doh:

BUT he's not well-bred, and the OP stated her pup is coming from a reputable breeder. Chances are good that s/he'll have a solid temperament and be far more forgiving of the world than my poor little guy who was set up for failure temperament-wise even before he was born.

Haha! Hi Poppy! That's a good looking pup you have there in your picture with you. He looks very well adjusted too.:)

N.

[Shazamataz]

I'm not a big believer in dogs having psychological problems. Just give em love affection and food. They adjust. Or maybe a prescription of Dogazapam?

N.

Dogs do have psychological problems, just like humans do! I have one who is totally crazy as she was likely abused as a youngster and I got her from a rescue at 7 months old. Never want to do that again so I can relate to the poster about their fostering experience.

HOWEVER, along with my 5 year old nutter I have an incredible 2 year old Golden retriever who is the nicest dog I have ever met. So laid back and happy and will fit in anywhere. He came from a lovely home at 8 weeks of age so had no damage already done to him and he hasn't picked up any of my other dog's mad behaviour.

I'd say the puppy would be a good thing for you. It's natural to have anxiety about it and sounds like you will be able to spend plenty of time with it. I'm not so sure about a large dog living in an apartment, though. Is that the norm in America?

[Bigboyuk]

Dogs do have psychological problems, just like humans do! I have one who is totally crazy as she was likely abused as a youngster and I got her from a rescue at 7 months old. Never want to do that again so I can relate to the poster about their fostering experience.

HOWEVER, along with my 5 year old nutter I have an incredible 2 year old Golden retriever who is the nicest dog I have ever met. So laid back and happy and will fit in anywhere. He came from a lovely home at 8 weeks of age so had no damage already done to him and he hasn't picked up any of my other dog's mad behaviour.

I'd say the puppy would be a good thing for you. It's natural to have anxiety about it and sounds like you will be able to spend plenty of time with it. I'm not so sure about a large dog living in an apartment, though. Is that the norm in America?I will say your 2 year old retriever laid back behaviour could over time rub off on your 5 year old nutter as you put it LOL and act like a mentor to your older dog Kudos to you for rescuing the older dog :) Cheers

[coastgirl]

Dogs do have psychological problems, just like humans do! I have one who is totally crazy as she was likely abused as a youngster and I got her from a rescue at 7 months old. Never want to do that again so I can relate to the poster about their fostering experience.

HOWEVER, along with my 5 year old nutter I have an incredible 2 year old Golden retriever who is the nicest dog I have ever met. So laid back and happy and will fit in anywhere. He came from a lovely home at 8 weeks of age so had no damage already done to him and he hasn't picked up any of my other dog's mad behaviour.

I'd say the puppy would be a good thing for you. It's natural to have anxiety about it and sounds like you will be able to spend plenty of time with it. I'm not so sure about a large dog living in an apartment, though. Is that the norm in America?


Oh yeah, he'll have plenty of park and beach time :)

My experience of living with several dogs in large houses / houses with easily accessed yards is that the dogs don't do much but laze around anyway unless they're with a human.