coastgirl
21-12-16, 05:33
Hi all,
I LOVE dogs. Love them to death. Grew up with a family dog until she died just after I graduated college. Dogs make things better - whether it's a hike, picnic, car ride, netflix and chill, or just simply coming home to a happy wagging tail. Anytime a dog is around my mood is quite noticeably better. I've always wanted another one of my own, but put it off for various reasons. Right now I'm in my early 30's, live in a great 1 bedroom condo, and work from home. The dream setup for getting a new puppy.
However, ever since I put the down payment I have been having anxiety attacks. I think I'm afraid of change. I also think I'm doubting myself and overthinking it to hell and back again. I'm having what if's....what if I change my mind and decide a dog isn't for me (a rather irrational thought...last year I lived with a roommate for about a year and a half and she had a dog who I absolutely adored, and I actually did more activities with the dog than SHE did. She actually was doing my anxiety some good I think, just being there and being her loving dog self). Another what-if I'm having is what if she confines me too much to my apartment? I know puppies are time consuming at first, and normally I'd LOVE raising a puppy, but for some reason I'm afraid it's going to be the end of my social life forever and ever amen. Which is another irrational thought....yes I will have to reschedule some things, but having a new pup could actually open a lot of opportunities to meeting new people as well.
I have read about the puppy blues, and I think I'm having them already! Part of the reason I think is that I tried to foster to adopt a dog a few years ago and she was a basket case that had probably been abused and neglected. The rescue failed to tell me all this....I just ended up with a dog with atrocious separation anxiety and aggression issues. It was a nightmare - for a week and a half I was having the worst time...I couldn't even go to the store without the dog having a meltdown. I would come home and she would have almost broken out of the crate. I had to give her back to the rescue as she was above and beyond my abilities to handle. I don't regret it...but it definitely affected me.
So I think I'm already feeling that sense of anxiety and panic that the first dog left me with....and it was bad. I was so incredibly stressed at that time. I'm afraid that's going to happen again.
The puppy I'm getting is a 2.5 month old yellow Lab, from a reputable breeder. I'm getting him after Christmas, and in the meantime the breeder is going to work with him and do some basic training as well as crate training. This should set me up for success.
I guess I'm just venting because I'm second guessing myself constantly because the anxiety is making me feel like I'm making a bad decision. That I'm going to "ruin my life". What an absurd thought! But it's my anxiety talking.
I want 2017 to be a year where I just do things I want to do and stop overthinking and letting anxiety get in my way. This is step one....having a dog has been a major dream and goal of mine that I put off for legitimate reasons for a while. The last few years I've been ready--I even had a dog crate and puppy supplies for TWO YEARS, but I kept going to dog adoption events and letting anxiety turn me back without a dog each time. I kept getting flashbacks to that first dog. I really think this is a perfect time as any. I also went with a breeder so I could eliminate the chance that this pup would have issues. I know every dog is unique, but this was the best way to get a clean slate dog that I can train from day one.
How can I stop these spinning thoughts? I have had thoughts that if I really feel I can't go through with it, then I'll just cancel everything. But I don't want to do that! I want him - I really do. When my anxiety is not getting the best of me I'm pretty excited about it. I'm sure that once I get through a stressful first few weeks it will all settle into place and it will probably be the best decision I ever made. But why is my brain fighting me so much??? :weep:
I LOVE dogs. Love them to death. Grew up with a family dog until she died just after I graduated college. Dogs make things better - whether it's a hike, picnic, car ride, netflix and chill, or just simply coming home to a happy wagging tail. Anytime a dog is around my mood is quite noticeably better. I've always wanted another one of my own, but put it off for various reasons. Right now I'm in my early 30's, live in a great 1 bedroom condo, and work from home. The dream setup for getting a new puppy.
However, ever since I put the down payment I have been having anxiety attacks. I think I'm afraid of change. I also think I'm doubting myself and overthinking it to hell and back again. I'm having what if's....what if I change my mind and decide a dog isn't for me (a rather irrational thought...last year I lived with a roommate for about a year and a half and she had a dog who I absolutely adored, and I actually did more activities with the dog than SHE did. She actually was doing my anxiety some good I think, just being there and being her loving dog self). Another what-if I'm having is what if she confines me too much to my apartment? I know puppies are time consuming at first, and normally I'd LOVE raising a puppy, but for some reason I'm afraid it's going to be the end of my social life forever and ever amen. Which is another irrational thought....yes I will have to reschedule some things, but having a new pup could actually open a lot of opportunities to meeting new people as well.
I have read about the puppy blues, and I think I'm having them already! Part of the reason I think is that I tried to foster to adopt a dog a few years ago and she was a basket case that had probably been abused and neglected. The rescue failed to tell me all this....I just ended up with a dog with atrocious separation anxiety and aggression issues. It was a nightmare - for a week and a half I was having the worst time...I couldn't even go to the store without the dog having a meltdown. I would come home and she would have almost broken out of the crate. I had to give her back to the rescue as she was above and beyond my abilities to handle. I don't regret it...but it definitely affected me.
So I think I'm already feeling that sense of anxiety and panic that the first dog left me with....and it was bad. I was so incredibly stressed at that time. I'm afraid that's going to happen again.
The puppy I'm getting is a 2.5 month old yellow Lab, from a reputable breeder. I'm getting him after Christmas, and in the meantime the breeder is going to work with him and do some basic training as well as crate training. This should set me up for success.
I guess I'm just venting because I'm second guessing myself constantly because the anxiety is making me feel like I'm making a bad decision. That I'm going to "ruin my life". What an absurd thought! But it's my anxiety talking.
I want 2017 to be a year where I just do things I want to do and stop overthinking and letting anxiety get in my way. This is step one....having a dog has been a major dream and goal of mine that I put off for legitimate reasons for a while. The last few years I've been ready--I even had a dog crate and puppy supplies for TWO YEARS, but I kept going to dog adoption events and letting anxiety turn me back without a dog each time. I kept getting flashbacks to that first dog. I really think this is a perfect time as any. I also went with a breeder so I could eliminate the chance that this pup would have issues. I know every dog is unique, but this was the best way to get a clean slate dog that I can train from day one.
How can I stop these spinning thoughts? I have had thoughts that if I really feel I can't go through with it, then I'll just cancel everything. But I don't want to do that! I want him - I really do. When my anxiety is not getting the best of me I'm pretty excited about it. I'm sure that once I get through a stressful first few weeks it will all settle into place and it will probably be the best decision I ever made. But why is my brain fighting me so much??? :weep: