incunables
22-12-16, 02:10
So after a couple of weeks of panicking about scattered petechiae, an itchy rash, and just feeling generally unwell, I finally buckled down and went to the local free clinic today (I live in the US and don't currently have insurance). I saw a nurse practitioner who looked at my petechiae and deemed it not at all concerning and he didn't even want blood work. He showed me a picture of what concerning petechaie would look like and we had a constructive conversation about health anxiety. Wonderful news!
Of course I was thrilled for a couple of hours, but then, because it's just a high anxiety time and this is what it does to you, I started to wonder if he missed something: perhaps I needed blood work and just didn't get it; he's only a nurse practitioner and not a doctor; I forgot to mention that my chest has been aching and maybe he missed that I actually have breast cancer not luekemia; he didn't even feel my lymph nodes, so how can he be sure?, etc., etc. For the first time I saw this thinking for what it was--terrible, life-ruining anxiety, not reason--and made an appointment at the same clinic to see a therapist starting in January. I'm still anxious, and probably will be for a while, perhaps even the rest of my life, but I feel great knowing that I took the first step to getting better. Here's to a healthier, calmer 2017! :)
Of course I was thrilled for a couple of hours, but then, because it's just a high anxiety time and this is what it does to you, I started to wonder if he missed something: perhaps I needed blood work and just didn't get it; he's only a nurse practitioner and not a doctor; I forgot to mention that my chest has been aching and maybe he missed that I actually have breast cancer not luekemia; he didn't even feel my lymph nodes, so how can he be sure?, etc., etc. For the first time I saw this thinking for what it was--terrible, life-ruining anxiety, not reason--and made an appointment at the same clinic to see a therapist starting in January. I'm still anxious, and probably will be for a while, perhaps even the rest of my life, but I feel great knowing that I took the first step to getting better. Here's to a healthier, calmer 2017! :)