elik
23-12-16, 05:39
God this sucks. My best friend in the entire world is coming home after 9 months today and I'm ecstatic and so excited. However, I'm freaking out also as this changes the dynamic of which I've settled into whist she's been away. Therefore I'm worried about fitting her in (someone im joint by the hip too) without muffing people off or changing any routine I had. This is someone I prioritise and value so much and for me, can almost be my entire self with which is a miracle but I have this horrible sense of pressure that I've got to maintain all these people pleasing stances with everyone else which I've done a great job of but now she's back I feel I'm going to have to up my own standards to meet everyone and I'm going to explode. Why am I so incredibly tricky ?!? I get so lost in fear I forget how to enjoy anything in the present moment!
---------- Post added at 05:39 ---------- Previous post was at 05:36 ----------
I'm juggling so much - I have no income and am eating away at savings and spending this on maintaining friendships and a network so I don't completely seclude myself. I say yes to most things because I hate saying no and end up with so much pressure build up. People have no idea how hard I try for them. I'm just waiting for a critique or rejection Dom something and know it would destroy me because of how hard I try and what I give and it's my fault because people don't know my vulnerability or struggles because I have to be 'perfect'
---------- Post added at 05:39 ---------- Previous post was at 05:36 ----------
I'm juggling so much - I have no income and am eating away at savings and spending this on maintaining friendships and a network so I don't completely seclude myself. I say yes to most things because I hate saying no and end up with so much pressure build up. People have no idea how hard I try for them. I'm just waiting for a critique or rejection Dom something and know it would destroy me because of how hard I try and what I give and it's my fault because people don't know my vulnerability or struggles because I have to be 'perfect'