Happy situations turned super stressful

[elik]

God this sucks. My best friend in the entire world is coming home after 9 months today and I'm ecstatic and so excited. However, I'm freaking out also as this changes the dynamic of which I've settled into whist she's been away. Therefore I'm worried about fitting her in (someone im joint by the hip too) without muffing people off or changing any routine I had. This is someone I prioritise and value so much and for me, can almost be my entire self with which is a miracle but I have this horrible sense of pressure that I've got to maintain all these people pleasing stances with everyone else which I've done a great job of but now she's back I feel I'm going to have to up my own standards to meet everyone and I'm going to explode. Why am I so incredibly tricky ?!? I get so lost in fear I forget how to enjoy anything in the present moment!

---------- Post added at 05:39 ---------- Previous post was at 05:36 ----------

I'm juggling so much - I have no income and am eating away at savings and spending this on maintaining friendships and a network so I don't completely seclude myself. I say yes to most things because I hate saying no and end up with so much pressure build up. People have no idea how hard I try for them. I'm just waiting for a critique or rejection Dom something and know it would destroy me because of how hard I try and what I give and it's my fault because people don't know my vulnerability or struggles because I have to be 'perfect'

[randomforeigner]

But your friend returning could also turn out to be a really good thing? Couldn't it? A new start, sort of?

Why don't you have any income? That's sounds pretty difficult.

If people knew about your vulnerabilities, they'd also be able to show compassion and understanding, wouldn't they? And if they then only were to come up with critique and rejection, what sort of friends would that be!? In that case it has nothing to do with you, if it even happens. It would then be about how that other person reacts, and if they don't like you, it would be their loss (losing a good friend) more than yours... and that outcome is all very hypothetical, because people like to help each other out, and it's more likely you'll find support than anything else.

---------- Post added at 06:54 ---------- Previous post was at 06:53 ----------

And, yes, one more thing. Remember, nobody is 'perfect'. There is no such thing...:hugs:

[elik]

Thank you so much. My last 'proper' job I ended up going to the priory as an inpatient following it... i put huge amounts of pressure on myself and crash and have lost a lot of confidence in my work ability and to stay on top of my anxiety even though I like working! You are correct I just worry that people will think I have put them on the back burner because she's back (even though I know me and I will make sure everyone's happy still) but I have succumbed to a lot of 'yes' answers and robotic responses because I have no confidence in people liking me for not being anything other than that and my best friend gives me more confidence to be me