Do you ever have a calm feeling in the midst of anxiety?

[ocds]

So I've been having a lot of death anxiety lately, sometimes I lay awake crying thinking about how much time I have wasted in my life and how I feel like I can't make up time and how scary death is. Sometimes it doesn't bother me at all, and that's when it really worries me because I feel like when I don't worry that's when things go wrong and things I had previously worried about happen.


I've been on edge about death for 8 months. I've been on and off anxious about my future since then. I had this dream my dead aunt told me I was dying a few weeks ago, but it wasn't like a "you're dying right now", it didn't feel like that. It was more like "you're dying you know?" and I was like trying to convince myself in the dream that I wasn't, but I couldn't because everyone is. I'm scared I've thought so much about death that I've jinxed myself into an early grave, and now like it's just inevitable because I can't get out of this bubble where I'm constantly thinking it's going to happen. Every day I go out and am scared something bad is going to happen to me and I just really wish I could be calm and not think I'm going to have something terrible to me because I'm calm, at the same time. It feels like accepting death is inevitable is asking for it to happen to me, and I don't want that so I keep worrying.

[LunaLiuna]

You know the truth, and from there yes, it is all about acceptance. It will happen to us all, and always has done. There is nothing innately wrong with this until our minds can latch onto it.

Regardless of emotion, it will also happen. The same goes for when it happens to me! Whilst I do not want to trigger you, I believe what you are experiencing is incredible normal, in the sense that, I think every conscious being will think about it to such a degree, at some point within their lives (Did I just say that I was conscious?:D) It's that inascapable elephant in the room. But as I hinted at earlier, it does not have to require our every thought, both when we are awake, and sleeping. There are many ideas of course, that help us not to worry, this is probably why we created some religions, but nevertheless. I think it is important to harness the fact that we all die. After all, it can give us reason and meaning, atleast to me (who is usually utterly pessimistic).

I have no way to help, and I think it is dangerous for anyone to say how to approach this.

But these calm feeling you describe, rest in them. You are not alone :)

Merry Christmas!

[ocds]

I'm just so afraid it's happening now. I'm only 20, I take such good care and protection. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, I feel like that means I won't be doing anything. I'm numb thinking about it. I'm so scared that I'm dying. I wish I felt some sort of fear like I used to, this numb feeling has me feeling like any day now I will literally just die and I don't want that. One of my family members came to me in a dream and told me I was and now I'm scared that it's going to happen. I'm hyperventilating as I type this.

[LunaLiuna]

Hey, we are of a similar ages, but I don't think that age matters here :)

What matters is honesty with yourself, it will happen at some point in the future. But no matter how much you think about it, that will not effect your chances. Even a dream will change nothing. Except cause you to worry more, as you know.

I once had a dream where I was told exactly how much time I had left (four days) it never happened, and quite honestly I think it was a by-product of me thinking about it so much.

It's okay to think about it, but please, there is no need to let it consume you! You're young, alive, and will be for a while. Your body wants to look after you that much, that it is scared of something that in the short-term is unlikely. You know this don't you? You have time, and you are fortunate, oh so fortunate to have got so far :)

I hope your Christmas Day is going well (if you celebrate it)
and remember that you are valued, even if it is by a random stranger in the internet! I hope you feel better soon.

Edit; I'm not sure that this has come across clear enough in my writing but, to me, what you are experiencing is completely normal in this context. Being scared of death is utterly human, and numbness is a common response to mental fatigue; something constant rumination on death will cause!