View Full Version : So tired of Christmas
Hi everyone,
I haven't been around for a while. Hope everyone is doing as ok as they can right now. I am not sure why I am posting, but I just needed to let off steam as I feel pretty lonely here right now.
My anxiety is flaring again. It tends to rear its head this time of year, throughout the UK winter season. My mood drops, my depression creeps back and my anxiety too. I find Christmas and New Year really hard as I am a very solitary person and I feel obliged to do the family social thing. It is only my parents and my sister here, but I struggle as my sister and I have a trcky relationship.
She is what I would call an 'Alpha female' She is a partner in an Accountancy firm. She is very strong mentally and takes no prisoners. She has a loud voice and is never backwards at coming forwards. We are poles apart in every way.
I literally am finding her exhausting 3 days into Xmas. I feel quite bullied when she is around, cannot stand her voice sometimes and have to retreat to my room for peace. This is exacerbated by my anxiety right now.
The problem is also that she has little tolerance for my anxiety and depression. If I cannot join in with the 'Xmassy stuff' she says I ruin Xmas and New Year. Last year we had a massive row as she shouted in my face when I wanted to stay upstairs and watch the London fireworks on tv, rather than be downstairs with the family. I now dread NY too.
I am not sure what I am doing saying all of this, but I am just really struggling right now. I feel like the black sheep with my family and have done for years. My mental health issues set me apart. I long to just get on a plane and fly off somewhere alone. I lost my Uncle at the end of September very suddenly, and it has left me pretty devastated, and I think that this has added to my mental state. I feel so sad and desperate, but I am trying to keep my chin up as much as I can. :weep:
I hear you but for different reasons. I actually think flying off during the holidays is a grand idea! Since you don't mind being on your own, a nice beach in a warm place would be the perfect remedy for those long cold dreary winter/holiday blues and the perfect gift to yourself as well ;) Plan for next year!
Positive thoughts
Yep totally agree with Fishman :)
I'm totally with you Debs. Counting the seconds, minutes, hours and days till its over. Its my mum I struggle with plus I have to sleep on the sofa while I'm here so I have no privacy. I seriously feel like I'm losing my mind with anxiety right now.
Sit tight, it won't last forever.... x
I'm so sorry about your Uncle, Debs. That must have been devastating as I know you were very close..It can't help your situation now. I remember you having problems with your sister last year and I can very much empathise with how mental health issues set you apart from others-even if only in your own mind.
Christmas can be suffocating when you feel trapped in your own home. I think you are perfectly entitled to some time out in your own room when it all gets too much. As the others say, maybe next year you could think about jetting off to warmer climes and your sister can stuff it xxxx
Hi debs , I don't think there are many who have that perfect family Christmas, ideally I like a big family affair but I don't like the idea of being trapped in a house with a load of family where if I start to feel shite I can't just walk away and my family has two members who make it impossible very awkward and selfish individuals so we have separate Christmases , haven't even seen my mother over Christmas, soon be over and things can go back to normal
, what ever that is , take care and hang in there , maybe put your sisters tooth brush down the toilet only you will know and when she shouts and you grin you will have the power . :yesyes:
maybe put your sisters tooth brush down the toilet only you will know and when she shouts and you grin you will have the power . :yesyes:
:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao: You bad man Buster, been there done that
many moons ago:shades:
Debs I feel for you I really do. My older brother is over from Saudi and he's just like your sister. I hate the pressure he puts my parents under and they are both mid/late seventies. I'm lucky though I only had to endure him for six hours yesterday and won't see him again.
Anyway just do your own thing and sod what your sister thinks. She obviously has no respect for you.
Debs, you are not alone. You have on here. :hugs:
Thank you everyone for your very kind and supportive replies. I really appreciate it as I feel so lonely sometimes with my thoughts and mental health issues.
Each year I struggle more and more at Xmas/New Year. With my sister around I have to put on a front I feel....and I can't do it. I just can't do the constant social thing either. I feel suffocated by it and have to go somewhere to be alone.
It helps me so much to hear all of your own feelings and experiences.
My sister is so very good at making me feel guilty and that I am to blame for being a pain in everyone's arse at this time of year, with my mental issues. It is so hard to even begin to explain that I don't choose to be like this.
Thank you all so much again. xxx:hugs:
It's always great to hear how you are doing Debs and the forum is so useful to turn to when you need it. I often end up here around Christmas time as I don't like all the high expectations, forced socialisations and disrupted routines.
You shouldn't worry about wanting to be on your own, I think most of us need that to some degree from time to time. I think this is even more important when you have quite forceful and less sensitive personalities in the house. Some people just have to take over and make everyone dance to their tune. Sadly many families are not particularly sympathetic to mental health issues either. I came from a background like this where such issues were seen as complete failure, weakness, laziness and excuses to do nothing.
We are the way we are and we can't change very easily, nor should we have to. I think it's a shame that society today only seems to value the extrovert while the introvert is constantly weeded out as having nothing to offer in the modern world. The whole host of tough interviews to endure and presentations that many of us have to give now to secure even the most basic job is a classic example of this.
Be proud of who you are Debs and don't let them get you down. Christmas and the New Year celebrations will soon pass and some kind of normality will return! :)
ankietyjoe
27-12-16, 14:30
I've learned over the years that the 'obligation' that comes with family is very overrated. I am much happier keeping a lot of my family at arms length (toxic, inflammatory behaviour).
Your description of your sister could also be 'confrontational and arrogant' from somebody elses perspective, although I'm just playing Devils advocate. I'm just trying to illustrate my opinion that the notion that you have to be around your family is not an idea that I go along with.
I am so glad that Christmas is over too. I don't like new year either. I am not miserable, just want to do my own thing. Feel for you debs xxx:hugs::hugs::hugs:
Rooting for you Debs :hugs: 'Enforced jollity' isn't my thing either. We have family coming tomorrow and I may be forced to drink which I really don't want to do. That's me blending in and trying to keep everyone happy.
I remember the story about your sister. Please be assured that you inherited the good genes. Nobody likes a bully, not even themselves (now there's a thing :winks:) Lovely boring January is nearly here!!
She is what I would call an 'Alpha female' She is a partner in an Accountancy firm. She is very strong mentally and takes no prisoners. She has a loud voice and is never backwards at coming forwards. We are poles apart in every way.
I literally am finding her exhausting 3 days into Xmas. I feel quite bullied when she is around, cannot stand her voice sometimes and have to retreat to my room for peace. This is exacerbated by my anxiety right now.
Blimey. Sis-zilla sounds like a nightmare!
You need to stand up to her lovely. Just because she's family doesn't mean you have to put up with her.
If she was my sister she'd have had laxative infused mince pies and would have spent the day fol-la-la-la-la-ling on the toilet.:wink:
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