richymac
27-12-16, 22:35
Hi everyone - first post here
Had a awful two weeks - and don't know where to go next. Just a bit about me I'm a 56 year old, never smoker who is reasonably fit and not overweight (by much BMI 25) never had any major illnesses but always had health anxiety that started back in the 80's with the AIDS tombstone adverts. That paralysed me with fear so much that even though I had very few (heterosexual) partners I was convinced I had it lost loads of weight - even more proof if needed. Couldn't tell anyone about the fears but months of anguish later I had to - all clear of course.
Fast forward 30 years and the annual / bi annual debilitating anxieties are still around I think I've had Leukaemia (really glandular fever) testicular cancer (groin strain) oesophageal cancer (acid reflux) etc etc - each time I have been ignoring the docs diagnosis - "what do they know" and spent weeks of debilitating anxiety and depression until it goes away.
Two weeks ago I had the genuinely devastating news that my beloved sister in law has been confirmed as having lung cancer. The family knew from previous tests that something was going wrong but the final news was a huge blow to us all.
So, my fears, demons have to stay with me - I can't share with my family for support as there is someone in the family who really needs help.
So, the back pain between my shoulder blades and down my sides can't be discussed.
I have the horrible sensation of a vague pain which seems to move around my back and into my lower neck. My anxiety and panic attacks leave me shaking, weak and tired I find my whole torso trembling for hours at a time, particularly bad in the evenings and in the dead of night. I have some 40mg Propanolol which I take to try and stop the shakes, but l have convinced myself this back, shoulder neck pain is a symptom of (lung) cancer - it's irrelevant that my in law has been diagnosed - I'm in the early stages.
I need to breath deeper (I know) I need to be more rational (I know) - but nothing works. I just have a louder voice in my head telling me this is the real deal and I'm in big trouble.
Where to next ? - do I try to force loads of tests that will probably take me off work (I can't afford that) or try and get some CBT / Hypnotherapy ?
Had a awful two weeks - and don't know where to go next. Just a bit about me I'm a 56 year old, never smoker who is reasonably fit and not overweight (by much BMI 25) never had any major illnesses but always had health anxiety that started back in the 80's with the AIDS tombstone adverts. That paralysed me with fear so much that even though I had very few (heterosexual) partners I was convinced I had it lost loads of weight - even more proof if needed. Couldn't tell anyone about the fears but months of anguish later I had to - all clear of course.
Fast forward 30 years and the annual / bi annual debilitating anxieties are still around I think I've had Leukaemia (really glandular fever) testicular cancer (groin strain) oesophageal cancer (acid reflux) etc etc - each time I have been ignoring the docs diagnosis - "what do they know" and spent weeks of debilitating anxiety and depression until it goes away.
Two weeks ago I had the genuinely devastating news that my beloved sister in law has been confirmed as having lung cancer. The family knew from previous tests that something was going wrong but the final news was a huge blow to us all.
So, my fears, demons have to stay with me - I can't share with my family for support as there is someone in the family who really needs help.
So, the back pain between my shoulder blades and down my sides can't be discussed.
I have the horrible sensation of a vague pain which seems to move around my back and into my lower neck. My anxiety and panic attacks leave me shaking, weak and tired I find my whole torso trembling for hours at a time, particularly bad in the evenings and in the dead of night. I have some 40mg Propanolol which I take to try and stop the shakes, but l have convinced myself this back, shoulder neck pain is a symptom of (lung) cancer - it's irrelevant that my in law has been diagnosed - I'm in the early stages.
I need to breath deeper (I know) I need to be more rational (I know) - but nothing works. I just have a louder voice in my head telling me this is the real deal and I'm in big trouble.
Where to next ? - do I try to force loads of tests that will probably take me off work (I can't afford that) or try and get some CBT / Hypnotherapy ?