antique
28-12-16, 13:52
Thank you all for your support after my previous post last week.
I am mostly ok in the day, but the grief hits me in the evening. The build up to Xmas was very hard as mum loved Xmas shopping. Being an only child with no kids has also made it hard.
My partner and I maintain separate houses but live together half the week. We have always spent Xmas together apart from last year when I took mum out for Xmas lunch. He was very supportive through mum's final illness and death but after the funeral, wouldn't discuss her anymore as he said there was no point, there was nothing to be done etc!
He has been an absolute misery the last month, constantly moaning about his toothache and the fact he was skint for Xmas and couldn't buy his adult kids expensive gifts. My mum never liked him, nor he her, so obviously he wasn't devastated at her death, like me.
Anyway he dropped the bombshell and told me a week before Xmas that he wanted to be alone for the holiday and didn't want to see me as I was miserable and he wanted a nice time!! Said he was sick of dealing with other people's issues.
So I had to cancel the 3 course carvery I had booked and paid for. Luckily I got a refund. I spend Xmas day alone but did go to my friends house for Boxing day. First Xmas in my life totally alone at a time when I really needed support, abandoned by my partner.
He did text on Xmas eve, asked if I wanted to come over, but I was too angry and upset by then and it was too late.
My friends are astonished at his selfish cruel behaviour. I don't think I can get past this as its not the first time he has behaved badly. The problem is I would have to sort out joint business arrangements and its a lot to deal with as I'm feeling fragile. I don't know if I could cope with a split on top of my mother's death. I had a horrendous anxiety attack last night, first bad one in years. I am really afraid that I will get depressed again. It's 20+ years since I had bad anxiety and depression and I don't want to return to that.
I have a counselling appointment next week and I'm going to get bereavement counselling off the GP if I can. I do not want to take anti depressants, just need to stop the anxiety . I thought I was doing so well but I guess the stress of the last 2 years caring for mum has to come out. Plus I've been feeling so tired and had IBS, norovirus immediately after her death. I don't know what's going to happen on New Years Eve and I don't know what to do about my partner or my business. I just hate this new life after mums death.
I am mostly ok in the day, but the grief hits me in the evening. The build up to Xmas was very hard as mum loved Xmas shopping. Being an only child with no kids has also made it hard.
My partner and I maintain separate houses but live together half the week. We have always spent Xmas together apart from last year when I took mum out for Xmas lunch. He was very supportive through mum's final illness and death but after the funeral, wouldn't discuss her anymore as he said there was no point, there was nothing to be done etc!
He has been an absolute misery the last month, constantly moaning about his toothache and the fact he was skint for Xmas and couldn't buy his adult kids expensive gifts. My mum never liked him, nor he her, so obviously he wasn't devastated at her death, like me.
Anyway he dropped the bombshell and told me a week before Xmas that he wanted to be alone for the holiday and didn't want to see me as I was miserable and he wanted a nice time!! Said he was sick of dealing with other people's issues.
So I had to cancel the 3 course carvery I had booked and paid for. Luckily I got a refund. I spend Xmas day alone but did go to my friends house for Boxing day. First Xmas in my life totally alone at a time when I really needed support, abandoned by my partner.
He did text on Xmas eve, asked if I wanted to come over, but I was too angry and upset by then and it was too late.
My friends are astonished at his selfish cruel behaviour. I don't think I can get past this as its not the first time he has behaved badly. The problem is I would have to sort out joint business arrangements and its a lot to deal with as I'm feeling fragile. I don't know if I could cope with a split on top of my mother's death. I had a horrendous anxiety attack last night, first bad one in years. I am really afraid that I will get depressed again. It's 20+ years since I had bad anxiety and depression and I don't want to return to that.
I have a counselling appointment next week and I'm going to get bereavement counselling off the GP if I can. I do not want to take anti depressants, just need to stop the anxiety . I thought I was doing so well but I guess the stress of the last 2 years caring for mum has to come out. Plus I've been feeling so tired and had IBS, norovirus immediately after her death. I don't know what's going to happen on New Years Eve and I don't know what to do about my partner or my business. I just hate this new life after mums death.