Gemgems
21-10-04, 10:24
Hi, Well Im feeling a bit silly doing this but here goes, I have suffered with panic attacks as long as i can remember, the first one i had must have been when I was about 7 or eight years old and it was the most frightening thing I have ever experienced, I did not know what to do. I was far to scared to tell my parents, they would have told me that I as a Drama Quen and seeking attention, I was a bit of on an attention seeker I liked people to like me so I was always the loudest the little actress of the family LOL.
I often had panic attacks growing up, they would always be at night when I was on my own, I would be laying there and all of a sudden I would feel like I wasnt really here on this planet and that nothing was real, I would start to think about the universe and what its all about and feel confused, to me thats very profound for a child to even think about those things. Then would come the fear that I was going to die, and it was not nessacarily that I was going to die there and then, but that I would die soon and of something horrid and nasty disease or a tragic accident. (even writing all this down is making me feel scared)
I always had to leave the light on in my room so I could see and make sure nothing bad was going to get me, but unfortunatlry my parents wanted the light off, I did have a night light but they took that off me as well as the said it used to much electric (yeah right about 1p a night) So I used to get a tourch and hide under my duvet and read books for as long as I could till I could read no more and I feel asleep. I found that reading was the only way to stop me from thinking about dying and feeling scared. Only problem was is that I would be awake for hours, then in the morning I would not want to get up and I would be very tierd at school and this meant I got in to trouble ALOT.
Growing in to adult life has been even worse, I have the most irrational thoughts and I even feel that sometimes I am going completley mad, I get so frightened and they always say there is a thin line between being sain and insane, what if I fall over that line :-( When Im not feeling panicy I know that the thoughts I am having are silly.
I just wish I could get rid of them I hate the panic so much it has caused me so much misery through out the years it is just not fair!!!!!!!!!!!
I often had panic attacks growing up, they would always be at night when I was on my own, I would be laying there and all of a sudden I would feel like I wasnt really here on this planet and that nothing was real, I would start to think about the universe and what its all about and feel confused, to me thats very profound for a child to even think about those things. Then would come the fear that I was going to die, and it was not nessacarily that I was going to die there and then, but that I would die soon and of something horrid and nasty disease or a tragic accident. (even writing all this down is making me feel scared)
I always had to leave the light on in my room so I could see and make sure nothing bad was going to get me, but unfortunatlry my parents wanted the light off, I did have a night light but they took that off me as well as the said it used to much electric (yeah right about 1p a night) So I used to get a tourch and hide under my duvet and read books for as long as I could till I could read no more and I feel asleep. I found that reading was the only way to stop me from thinking about dying and feeling scared. Only problem was is that I would be awake for hours, then in the morning I would not want to get up and I would be very tierd at school and this meant I got in to trouble ALOT.
Growing in to adult life has been even worse, I have the most irrational thoughts and I even feel that sometimes I am going completley mad, I get so frightened and they always say there is a thin line between being sain and insane, what if I fall over that line :-( When Im not feeling panicy I know that the thoughts I am having are silly.
I just wish I could get rid of them I hate the panic so much it has caused me so much misery through out the years it is just not fair!!!!!!!!!!!