grace.M
29-12-16, 18:37
Just a big trigger warning to start, this has a lot of detail of the more distressing effects of anxiety + sudden panic disorder as well as references to suicide... i don't recommend you read this if you are currently struggling with high anxiety. Also, if your new to medication or anxiety, please know this does not just happen, even if i'm saying it has.. theres a lot of possible triggers or changes i may have missed and this is extremely unlikely to happen to you!
So the last two months have been confusing and a bit un-usual for me, anyone who has seen me about on the site knows i've been diagnosed with GAD and occasional panic in the past, and i went on citalopram at 20mg when this lead to depression 4 years ago, this almost totally eliminated my anxiety, my confidence went through the roof after i recovered from depression and i was only having a panic attack every other month or so... and i was working an events job that saw me leading a bar at events of upwards of 600 people + working very social jobs.
Recently i had two panic attacks that lead into a full week of non-stop panic attacks + obsessive and intrusive thoughts thinking i was going mad and that i could lash out on someone or suddenly become an angry hulk whenever the urge struck or that I even wanted to (just a side note, i'm one of the most patient, loving and passive people you'll come across, although i have been irritable or stressed before like most people) I stopped eating and lost a stone and a half, along with getting next to no sleep + vomiting whenever i got nervous or panicked (the vomiting i'm thinking was more nervous habit than anything medical related)
But the constant panic just built up to the point i found myself in a GP complaining of low mood and self harm at my inability to cope, she doubled my dose to 40mg cit and i had 2 weeks getting better with the help of a CPN + 40mg of propanonol... however! 4 weeks in and all the original feelings and panic attacks come back and the low mood got even worse along with the side effects of the citalopram crippling any attempts at me getting better. (i felt like i could not cry, no motivation + constantly tired with even lower mood) this all came to the worst when i had another few sleepless nights and a mood so low i contemplated ending it all, after i set about how i was going to do it realised i was not getting better and took myself to a&e for suicidal tendencies (rather family took me as i was in the mist of a panic attack)... they put me straight through to another CPN that spent a long time calming me down and listening to what has happened, he said the increase was likely an issue, and booked me n to see my regular cpn + a doctor to review my medication, to which my dosage was back down to 20mg and i was given 1mg of lorazepam + sleeping tablets for a week to help ease off the anxiety... this is two weeks later and i'm feeling a lot calmer and even having days where i'm taking no lorazepam at all but my anxiety is what i'd call a lot higher than it should be, but nowhere near as un-bearable. (i'm a ton better, with the thoughts being easier to rationalise for anyone worried by the wall of text!)
my question is, does Citalopram stop working?... because it was not a gradual re-surfacing of anxiety, it was a month of hellish panic attacks and thoughts that lead me to believe i was a violent + angry person without any angry emotions outside of the usual anxiety irratableness, evidence or history of anything anger related past lady monthly annoyances. I had a blood test that was all clear so no thyroid issues or medical reasons.
I realise this may be a relapse or something, but i have no idea how the relapse could be worse than the anxiety that saw me getting help in the first place whilst i'm on medication??
thanks for reading, sorry for the long rant! :blush:
So the last two months have been confusing and a bit un-usual for me, anyone who has seen me about on the site knows i've been diagnosed with GAD and occasional panic in the past, and i went on citalopram at 20mg when this lead to depression 4 years ago, this almost totally eliminated my anxiety, my confidence went through the roof after i recovered from depression and i was only having a panic attack every other month or so... and i was working an events job that saw me leading a bar at events of upwards of 600 people + working very social jobs.
Recently i had two panic attacks that lead into a full week of non-stop panic attacks + obsessive and intrusive thoughts thinking i was going mad and that i could lash out on someone or suddenly become an angry hulk whenever the urge struck or that I even wanted to (just a side note, i'm one of the most patient, loving and passive people you'll come across, although i have been irritable or stressed before like most people) I stopped eating and lost a stone and a half, along with getting next to no sleep + vomiting whenever i got nervous or panicked (the vomiting i'm thinking was more nervous habit than anything medical related)
But the constant panic just built up to the point i found myself in a GP complaining of low mood and self harm at my inability to cope, she doubled my dose to 40mg cit and i had 2 weeks getting better with the help of a CPN + 40mg of propanonol... however! 4 weeks in and all the original feelings and panic attacks come back and the low mood got even worse along with the side effects of the citalopram crippling any attempts at me getting better. (i felt like i could not cry, no motivation + constantly tired with even lower mood) this all came to the worst when i had another few sleepless nights and a mood so low i contemplated ending it all, after i set about how i was going to do it realised i was not getting better and took myself to a&e for suicidal tendencies (rather family took me as i was in the mist of a panic attack)... they put me straight through to another CPN that spent a long time calming me down and listening to what has happened, he said the increase was likely an issue, and booked me n to see my regular cpn + a doctor to review my medication, to which my dosage was back down to 20mg and i was given 1mg of lorazepam + sleeping tablets for a week to help ease off the anxiety... this is two weeks later and i'm feeling a lot calmer and even having days where i'm taking no lorazepam at all but my anxiety is what i'd call a lot higher than it should be, but nowhere near as un-bearable. (i'm a ton better, with the thoughts being easier to rationalise for anyone worried by the wall of text!)
my question is, does Citalopram stop working?... because it was not a gradual re-surfacing of anxiety, it was a month of hellish panic attacks and thoughts that lead me to believe i was a violent + angry person without any angry emotions outside of the usual anxiety irratableness, evidence or history of anything anger related past lady monthly annoyances. I had a blood test that was all clear so no thyroid issues or medical reasons.
I realise this may be a relapse or something, but i have no idea how the relapse could be worse than the anxiety that saw me getting help in the first place whilst i'm on medication??
thanks for reading, sorry for the long rant! :blush: