Are these intrusive thoughts?

[mismashful2]

Hello everyone,
I suffer from anxiety since 6 months, but the last 2 weeks I have a new symptom.

I keep thinking about suicide. Not in the sense of 'I want to commit and I will do it that way' (luckily), but more of the word 'suicide' that keeps popping in my head.

Yesterday I was celebrating NYE with some girlfriends and every once and a while I thought: will I be still there next NYE, or will I have committed suicide by then?

When I see a cute picture of myself I think 'will my boyfriend look at this and miss me when I will have committed suicide?'. But I LOVE my boyfriend and have some friends.
I'm not depressed (I think?). I still enjoy a lot of things, I can still genuinely laugh..

I'm just afraid that if this keeps on going, I'll finally do it, as a result of always thinking about it :(

P.S. the weird thing is, I also have HA, so I'm VERY afraid to die haha!

[GlassPinata]

I recently drove past a graveyard and thought, "That looks peaceful."
You see, I am not afraid of being dead, I'm afraid of what comes before it: illness, pain, debilitation, loss of dignity. Terror.
But I have a 4-year-old son, and I'm a single mother. I don't want to leave him.
And suicide is more difficult than you'd think. Fortunately, or we'd probably all be dead by now.
Living takes courage. But every day we are alive, is worth it.
We'll be dead forever. Only alive for a little while. Sick or well, we must make the most of the small time we have here on this earth.

Best wishes to you.:)

[MyNameIsTerry]

It sounds like intrusive thoughts to me.

The things to remember are that it is rare for anyone to ever act on these thoughts and that their very nature is that they are "ego dystonic" which means the opposite of true character & beliefs.

These thoughts class with very strong subconscious beliefs therefore they are literally being sent from the subconscious to the conscious mind as if to say "ok, conscious mind what do I do with these thoughts, here is all the data, tell me please". If you react with negatives like fear, guilt, shame or try to push them away, the subconscious sees them as being important to the conscious mind and therefore will look to keep triggering them. This is why reacting in positive/neutral ways works very well in breaking free of them as it starves the negative reaction it is expecting and those thoughts get mothballed.