Morals vs mind

[elik]

I have actively said no and I can't a few times this week to try something different and create a sense of self so even though it makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable I am proud of myself. I just don't understand how the power I had there gets taken from me somewhere else. I start thinking I don't feel anything any love towards a loved one I then tell myself it's anxiety talking but the numbness is there regardless and I know I just have to keep face and it's so exhausting because I can't act on it and I have to behave as I normally do which makes me feel fake and I just collapse with yet another manipulated situation I have to sit through. It makes me realise why I am so much happier at a distance from my friends so it's unnoticeable if I get a bout of anxiety and I can deal with it myself. I can't stand that my mind and me can cross wires so much and I get so confused and so scared because I can't determine the best way to act in that moment or which part of me I'm listening to. I try so hard to work on me and then I get lost again and I feel so punished. I have such strong and kind morals and my mind plays with them and it petrified me :yahoo:

[Jacqueline7]

Oh god u could be talking about any of us and my heart is breaking because of it.

I've always said I hate anxiety so much because it strips me of all I really am. In place of calm is worry in place of patience anger. Instead of light a heaviness. And in place of happiness dread for every thought that enters my head

I'm in mental and physical agony with it and totally understand u

Wish I had the key for us all

Jacqueline

[elik]

I know , I don't believe a word my therapist says anymore for me as an individual and he is a fantastic therapist. I think I'm getting somewhere and I forever can't get away from the next horror. They say learn to train your brain, breathe, be present etc but when you feel like your behaviours and thoughts are plagued with irrational worries and impulses you feel like you're acting your whole life away because any time you let go you get the full force of its affects. I know most things are fleeting and pointless worrying about. But I can't stop the behaviours it makes me want to carry out and the dread and feelings involved it's all so overwhelming and trapping I really feel for you because we all feel so powerless in the sense that we want to live to the fullest but feel it's been taken from us and we are teased by it for life