24weeks pregnant and already have a 3yo. Anxiety through the roof!

[KrazyK]

Hi,
So I have just come across this forum after trying to research about how my GAD with ocd tendiencies will effect this baby.

Bit of background. I have had GAD with ocd since I was 11 (now 28) but only got diagnosed Dec 2015. I am married and we have a lovely boy who is 3. He gets ill a lot with tonsilitus which really plays up my anxiety. He has now been refered for a tonsilectomy but of course I am petrified of him having an operation.

After 9months of trying for baby no2 we had an early mc. I was 5w. Then after a total of 14months we fell again. I am now 24weeks. Its a girl and due to me having cronic kidney diease can not have any more children we were over the moon.

But every single day I just cant get excited, I am fearful and scared of having this baby. Everyday I think somethjng will happen to her. I dont even feel pregnant. I just feel fat! I am so busy running around after ds (and spend most of the day shouting at him) that i feel like i dont have the time to be pregnant.

I came off my meds when we found out (gradually of course) as of course I have anxieties of taking it and bejng pregnant.

My husband is great and very understanding without my meds and says he thinks im coping very well considering. My poor ds on the other hand.... i spend all day telling him off, dont do this or that, listen to me, stop acting like a baby, etc.. that i dread waking every single day! Especially as he has me up every night with night terrors!

Christmas hasnt helped 3weeks of the two of us home together. Ds behaviour is awful atm and he is going through regression due to us having a baby ontop of usual 3yo finding himself so he is VERY hard work.

Things just seem to be getting worse and worse for me I think I am an awful terrible mother and can't cope with one child so how on earth am i going to have a child and baby???
I am falling apart day by day I just want to cry n scream and leave and never return cause i dont feel like i deserve the family i have. :'(

[ninz94]

You certainly not alone. I had anxiety since I was 10, had my first panic attack 10 months ago. I'm 36 weeks with a 3 year old dd, that I am constantly screaming at. Her demanding behaviour makes it extremely difficult for me, my panic attacks have gone out of control because of stressing over my family, my dh tries to be supportive but can also be demanding at times, it is difficult to keep up I know how it can be. I know that once I get my baby boy OUT I will feel better physically but the stress of a newborn and 3 year old will be another thing, but its something I will get through and so will you! The coplications of this pregnancy makes it worse!
Are you seeing a therapist? Maybe that can help during this time.
I also connect online with other moms to be who have more kids to deal with and tell me how bad it is for them and made me realise if they made it more than once then so will I. As for help, my mother is the only one at reach but unfortunately we don't get along so I will for sure be busy with trying to find someone who can help me around or will have to cope on my own, which elevates my worries and anxiety but somehow it will and does get better. Trust me if your family weren't for you, you simply just wouldn't have them. You're a supermom, you'll make it. :)

[KrazyK]

Thank you for your reply.
Its crazy how similar our situations are so thank you so much. No I'm not seing a therapist. I had some CBT this time last year but unfortunatly it didnt help.
I too have noone but my husband. My mum lives in SA, she desperately wants to come home but shares custody with her ex of their daughter and he wont allow their daughter (born in SA) to come here. So counting down till sheturns 18..... 6years to go :'(
Husbands family pretty much begged us to have kids and within 6months of ds moved abroad also. So its dh and I trying to get through.
I have my FORTH driving test on Friday and I have to pass!!! Its causing me so much stress even though I know I can only do my best. I can already drive just my anxiety of a stranger next to me gets to me and I make silly mistakes :'(
My boy is ill again has a viral rash all over. Its making him tired but instead of sleeping he just argues with me. We both were shoutingn screming and I ended up having to call my husband to calm me down n then he helped calm our son down.
I hate it I get so cross and shoutwhen I know it wont help but. :mad: then i feel awful terrible for shouting at him. He asleep now I gave him some calpol to help calm him down and cause his temp was going up with all the crying n screaming.

So yeah today started great n went very badly down hill. I just wish I could control the mood swings.