Lilchick
03-01-17, 23:36
So I'm 18 and I've been in a few meaningless relationships. They were quite a few years ago and ever really meant much. I was quite shy in them (3 all together) but not as bad as I am now. Before I was emotianally attached, I enjoyed affection and craved it. I guess I still do crave affection to an extent, but then when I actually think about a guy giving me affection and stuff I just find it so strange. I don't know why but these recent years I've just become cold and emotionally detached. Me and this guy both like each other but for some reason I'm way too scared for a relationship. On text I'm a lot more confident and we constantly have interesting convos but then in person I sometimes just freak out and idek why. Some days I'm completely fine and then others I just don't know. I do think I have generalised anxiety disorder so that could have an impact. I guess when we were just friends I felt a lot more comfortable - but it's like now romance is involved I just can't deal with it. All the other relationships I had were meaningless and I wasn't hurt by them, so it's not a fear of being hurt. It's like I don't want to be vulnerable, yet I'm not scared of being open and getting hurt, it's just that I don't want to be open in the first place. I wonder if my parents divorce could have an effect on this? Although that was a number of years ago. It's just like I'm too scared for a normal conversation to happen, or just be in his presence, the thought of it scares me for some odd reason? I can attend social events and all that is fine, but then I freak out if he's there or if I know he will be there and no longer want to go. LOL what's wrong with me?!