Any advice needed. Panic, depression, breakdown

[Cornish Andy]

Firstly, a big hello to you all. This is my first proper post here having signed up and been a reader for many years. I'm currently at a very low point and looking for any helpful advice you wonderful people might be able to give.

My story, as brief as I can. I was a fairly outgoing 30 year old when I experienced my first major panic attack, which immediately escalated into full blown panic disorder. It felt like my mind and whole nervous system had broken. I had the shakes, crying, thought I was going mad, intense fear, all leading to agoraphobia.

At this time I started on Paroxetine and attended some CBT, educated myself about panic, and I slowly got through this period of my life, back to work and very nearly back to 'normal'.

I stayed on 30 to 40 mg Paroxetine long-term, more than 14 years. I was always slightly anxious about stopping and it seemed to be keeping me well. I also read a lot of self-help books, particularly Claire Weekes (a genius!)

Fast forward a few years and my life has changed. Now in my mid-forties, good steady office job, married with 2 young children. In this respect I'm probably busier than I have been before.

Over the last few years I've noticed panic and anxiety creeping back, had a few days off here and there but generally coped, until last year when I just seemed to 'snap'. One day I just couldn't go into work, felt completely overwhelmed, physical and mental anxiety hit me full force. It felt like a breakdown. Also it felt like I was also experiencing depression for the first time.

I recovered somewhat over the summer, and a psychiatrist suggested it might be time to try a different antidepressant. I very slowly tapered from Paroxetine to Venlafaxine and over the last 4 months have increased this up to 150mg. In short, I am just not coping. I've been off work again for 3 months. I just feel broken. I am panicky, live in a tired mental fog, crying and just feel unable to deal with anything.

After a particularly bad day yesterday my doctor increased the Venlafaxine to 225 mg while I wait for another psychiatrist referral.

Both my employers and family are supportive but I am worried about losing everything if I can no longer function. Any words of hope or advice out there? Anyone switched from paroxetine to Venlafaxine under similar circumstances?

Best wishes to everyone. I hope you are having a good day today.

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya Cornish Andy and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[Jo1970]

Hi there

Venlafaxine is a very good medicine, you can take up to 375 mg. I have been on it for a few years. I too seem to have relapsed and am also on quietapine for managing anxiety. It might be that you need an augmentation drug in addition to anti d to get you through the worst of a difficult period. You will get through this...it is part of the condition that makes you think otherwise.

Regards
Jo

[Cornish Andy]

Thanks for taking time to reply Jo. It means a lot. And sorry to hear that you are also having a setback at the moment.

I've heard good and bad things about Venlafaxine. I guess my concern is that it should be doing something by now, but perhaps I just haven't been on a high enough dose. You know what it's like. You feel ill and you don't know if it's the medication or the condition.

Best wishes. Hope you feel better soon.

[Cornish Andy]

Thought I'd post an update as it's been a little while.

I've been on 225mg of Venlafaxine for 2 months now and I guess things have been slightly better as I've managed to at least return to work, something I didn't imagine I could do a few months ago. I'm slightly less panicky, but still feeling nervous, exhausted and emotional. In short, I still feel like I'm only just holding myself together. The psychiatrist suggest adding in pregablin. Anyone have any experience of mixing this with Venlafaxine? I'm unsure as I feel 'out of it' most of the time already.

Anyway, still here and I've a lot to be grateful for. I hope everyone else is having an ok day. We will all get through this.

[beatroon]

Hi Andy,
Sorry to hear you're having a bad time! But here, you are in a good and supportive place and we will do our best to help.
I don't have experience of Venlafaxine + Pregabalin but I do have experience of Pregabalin and Citalopram. I think Pregabalin is a very good drug for anxiety. If you look at the Lyrica board you will find some more opinions on it, might be worth checking out. Please do pm me if I can help.

[Cornish Andy]

Thanks Beatroon. Yes, this is a very friendly and supportive place.

I have also considered citalopram as a friend of mine seems to be doing very well on it. But I guess we're all built differently and anyway I'm not sure I'm ready for another switch just yet after the last time!! I'm struggling, but at least functioning right now.

Best wishes.

[Amylou0101]

Hi Andy,

Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time of it at the moment. I don't have any experience with the meds you're on, but I thought I'd share a similar experience I've had which might help you.

A few years ago I, like you, had just about managed to get my anxiety under control and was managing it very well on a day-to-day basis. I was going into work, socialising, enjoying life and generally getting on with things with very little disruption.

Then one day I left work, and on the way home I started to feel a little odd. It was similar to a panic attack, but completely out of the blue. I managed to get myself on the train home, thinking that would be the end of it, but no sooner had I walked through my front door and felt the first surge of relief to be back home, I was flooded with this horrible sense of dread and terror.

As you said, I just 'snapped'. I'd gone from feeling almost completely fine to just not being able to function. The most upsetting part of it all for me was that I felt like my eyes had suddenly been opened to the horrible fact that no matter how well things were going, my anxiety could just appear out of nowhere and ruin everything. I felt like I had no control. I couldn't go into work at all for a week and I didn't feel I could tell them so I had to just lie and say I was ill. I found it almost impossible to explain to my partner, and I just felt like I was going to lose everything.

I spent that whole week having panic attacks, crying, not sleeping, contemplating quitting my job etc etc.

The following week I decided I'd have to try to return to work - I just couldn't see another way out. My brother-in-law (who works near me) accompanied me all the way to work and left me with the promise that he'd have his phone on him if I needed to call. That day was a struggle. I felt sick, I couldn't concentrate and I kept having to go to the loo for a cry.

By complete chance, I spotted a post on our company's intranet about a meditation class that was running in our office at lunch time. I didn't know what else to do so I went along, and although I felt a bit silly, it completely turned things around. The meditation narrative talked about noticing unpleasant sensations in your body, and just accepting them. It might sound completely bonkers but it was a real epiphany for me. Suddenly this idea that I didn't have to battle it - that I could just walk around feeling sick and dizzy and anxious and the world wouldn't end - it was completely freeing.

It wasn't an immediate fix. I had physical anxiety symptoms for a couple more days, but every time they surfaced I'd just mentally acknowledge them and move on. It almost became like a challenge - to just carry on functioning and doing what I was doing and see what happened. The symptoms never overpowered me.

What this showed me is that although anxiety can come out of nowhere, it can also go away as quickly. I left work that day feeling like 100 tonnes had been lifted from my shoulders - I could have skipped home. I felt so happy and so proud of myself - the complete opposite of how I'd felt that morning. What a difference a day makes!

If you suffer from it, the chances are that it will always need management to some degree, but in those moments when it peaks and things just seem eternally hopeless, know that things can - and do - change very quickly.

You will get through this. The fact that you're here means you're fighting, and if you're fighting, you will win. I promise.

Best of luck,

Amy

[Cornish Andy]

Amy, thank you so much for your beautifully written and inspiring post. It put a smile on my face. You are absolutely right. Although I'm not very good at doing it, I really do believe acceptance is the way out of anxiety. If we need medication to get us to a point where we can feel calm enough to change our mindset then so be it, but the 'cure', or long-term management technique has to come from within. Tools such as self-help reading and mindfulness can help show us the way.

As I say, I believe this, and understand it, but I'm not great at putting it into practice. When the anxiety hits, it seems more powerful than my rational mind and all logic goes out of the window. But, I won't give up trying. The way is always forwards.

[Amylou0101]

Hi Andy,

Completely agree that it's easier said than done. I'm struggling with that myself at the moment as I'm just recovering from the flu (being ill is something I find really hard to deal with) - but take some comfort in knowing that all of us have it in us to get better. It's very tough, but this won't last forever.

I find mindfulness a really helpful tool for clearing my head just enough to try the acceptance approach. There's a book called 'Managing your mind' which my doctor recommended to me and I've found to be very useful.

Best of luck - you'll get there!

Amy

[rebelheart]

first off, hello. it was brave of you to post this. it's hard to post about anxiety or even admit to having it to yourself. i am currently not on medication for it and have been trying to cope and even control it on my own for quite some time now. we all have our good days and our bad days, some way worse than others. but what i was taught was that no matter what we feel or experience in terms of anxiety is that feelings are just temporary. they will pass. the anxious state you're in isn't permanent. you're strong, you're wonderful. you've got a great family that loves you. it takes a warrior to fight against yourself every day and win. you've survived 100% of your worst days so far. that's an amazing track record. :hugs:

[Cornish Andy]

Great words Rebelheart, thank you. When I look around, those I know who cope with anxiety and depression are all strong, intelligent people. I think that's why we feel it so hard when it hits. Each bad day can seem like it's worse than ever, but that's all part of how anxiety tricks us. Plus when we get tired everything is harder to cope with.

[Fear-Not]

Hi Andy - I hope you are continuing to feel better and yes I think some of the recent chat on this post is spot on. I have had CBT to help me with anxiety and one of the most useful tricks I was taught was to simply feel my anxiety, accept it was there and let it wash over me rather than through me. And the best trick was to then just say to myself "it's just a thought!". It doesn't need to mean anything! And most of our anxieties really are 'just a thought'!! Sometimes anxiety is triggered for genuine reasons (and it is part of our survival instinct) but we panickers go into overdrive and either see things as more risky than they actually are - or find ourselves swamped with fears that we cannot even identify. But in most cases you really can capture the moment and say "it's just a thought" - and send it packing - a bit like using a Patronus on a Dementor a la Harry Potter.

Amongst zillions of other fears, every day I wake up and think that my hubby might die that day (for no real reason - and he is soooo fed up of me clutching him at the door and telling him to take care crossing the road! Especially when he is a very capable firefighter in his forties). Recently, I have not been allowing myself to imagine his untimely death every day - I have merely caught myself thinking about it - told myself "its just a thought - it doesn't mean anything" and then actively started thinking of something else. I think maybe my hubby thinks I don;t care any more as I am not begging him to 'stay alive' every day! Man you gotta laugh sometimes as it really is crazy what our minds can do to us!

Keep looking ahead Andy - I too am in my mid forties and have battled anxiety all my life. It's hard trying to prevent it from spoiling things sometimes but seeking out peaceful therapy is a good move - I totally agree with Amylou on yoga and mediation. I am also doing that - and at first I used to cry in the class because my mind would not empty itself - quite the opposite in fact. Instead of being chilled and Zen, the quietness of the class used to make my head fill with all sorts of horrors! But now I just focus on what the teacher is saying and it is fine. The breathing exercises are pretty good too.

Onwards and upwards for us all!

: )