Separation Anxiety

[Rmp123]

Hi guys, I've just graduated from Drama School and got my first acting job touring another country with a show and I've just got back here after my lovely Christmas break at home. Yesterday I just could not stop crying as I packed my case. My last leg of the tour was just over 6 weeks and this leg is almost double so I'm freaking out. It crossed my mind several times to quit but I can't let this beat me! I keep thinking of my family and wanting to cry because I miss them so much and am terrified something is going to happen to them when I'm away. Does anyone have any advice for this kind of separation anxiety? I'm fully aware that if I wasn't doing this tour I'd be back at home doing a job I didn't love to save money to move out. I just work myself up and keep thinking that my family are gonna die whilst I'm away or something bad is going to happen to me in my sleep like sleepwalking out a window or a heart arrhythmia. I've just started on a low dosage of Propanolol which I think is helping me not get the nervous stomach from the adrenaline but I still feel sad and now just cry more! I'm always able to contact my family and friends on my phone and FaceTime etc so that is helping and I'm making sure I don't overdo it with the contact as I think that will make me worse. Any help or advice would be much appreciated.

[Catherine S]

It's always hard to be away from family no matter what age we are. I live in Germany because of my husband's job and have been here since 2013, but even in England we were moving around alot with the job too, so I always seem to be in homesickness mode. Like you I keep in touch with them and fly back for visits when I can afford to But it's not the same as being with them.

This is your first time away from them for a fair length of time so its bound to be upsetting, but I think you should be proud of yourself for what you have achieved and the lovely career you have chosen, you must have worked hard to get to where you are now. I don't think it's unusual to feel as you do, so try not to heap more anxiety on top by thinking you are acting strangely because you're not. I'll bet there are others feeling the same but aren't telling anybody about it.

The beta blocker propranolol will help to calm your nerves and might take a bit of tweaking dosage wise til you find what suits you best. I also took this to help with ectopic beats but now take another beta blocker called Bisoprolol which suits me better. They're not mind altering drugs and can be taken as and when needed too. They don't alter your thoughts, only the physical effects of your anxiety.

Take care, keep your chin up and break a leg :flowers:

ISB x

[ana]

Hello, I've started a few threads on the topic, if you're interested in looking at my profile and checking them out. I definitely know how you feel! My primary diagnosis (other than 'anxiety disorder with panic attacks') is separation anxiety. I suffer so much when apart from people I care about. If they go silent for longer periods of time, I worry the worst has happened to them. It makes me get depersonalisation and severe anxiety.
What I've found helps is just being honest with people. Explain to them how you struggle with separation and tell them to send texts or ring you every now and again, so that you don't need to be the one prompting them to do so. In most cases, people will be flattered you care about them so much and crave their attention. :)

[Rmp123]

ISB thank you for your lovely words, you're right I have worked so hard to get here and about 7% of all actors are in employment so I know I'm very lucky. I'm sorry to hear that you also feel like this! Being on the move for a couple of months has been tough for me so permanently being on the move even if it is in England must be tough and then in Germany! When I speak to people who aren't normally anxious they say themselves that they know they would struggle to do what I'm doing so to be doing this as someone who is already very anxious is tough!

We do all our shows in the morning so we are finished by the afternoon. This frees up a lot of time for me to sit alone in my hotel room with racing thoughts! I have found getting out and exercising to be very productive and I'm also going to try to make the most of this free time by gaining new skills like learning German (I'm touring Austria) and writing a play.

I do find I'm at my lowest when we get to a new hotel and it's a bit basic and in the middle of nowhere. I get this huge overwhelming sense that I'm going to die there away from all my loved ones and this sense that I am just trapped there. I'm even getting teary as I type this right now thinking of that feeling!

I have decided to try and take each day as it comes. Before I would look at the hotels list for the next few days and Google them to see what they look like and see if they look safe but I know this doesn't help anything and is completely out of my control. I am also going to start looking at meditating in my free time and used the 'Headspace' App earlier which I really enjoyed! My friend is coming to see me in Salzburg at the beginning of February so that will be nice and isn't too far away! And then my family are flying to me when I'm in Vienna at the end of March a week before the end of this leg of the tour.

Ana I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering as well! It's such an unpleasant feeling. I also do the same, if I see my mum hasn't been online on WhatsApp for ages or doesn't pick up my call after the first time calling I get such a huge panic. I have only recently learned about depersonalisation after reading Joshua Fletcher's book about Anxiety and I couldn't believe I finally found a word for this strange feeling I was having. I really don't want to spend this tour wishing it away as it's such a wonderful experience to be given but I'm finding all this free time is not helping.

The Propranolol does seem to be doing it's job, I don't get that horrible stomach feeling of impending doom as much but like you said it doesn't stop the thoughts. I am on a very low dose of 10mg three times a day but I only take two as that was enough for them to start affecting my sleep so didn't want to chance it with three, however I probably will when my body starts getting used to them a bit better.